Something very strange happened yesterday. I had hung Swami’s calendar over one of the pictures on the wall next to the TV so that I could see His large life size face all the time and also know the date. It was hanging on a red ribbon and had been there early in the morning. Yesterday afternoon, however, when I was ready to type the blog for the day, it was gone. This was a large A4 picture, double that size and over 12 pages. I mentioned that it was missing to my sister and she said that I would find it if I looked again. My inner Swami said the same thing and….they usually agree. Anyway, my outer mind however said that someone had come into the apartment and taken it off the wall when I was in the house watching TV. Since the yard man is the only person who comes into the compound other than family, it must have been him. Why would he do that? Maybe he glanced in the window and saw Swami and immediately knew He was God and had to have the picture. Ok so I’ll have to let youall know what happened to the missing picture in tomorrow’s blog.
But meantime this event tore up my somewhat fragile mind. All of my fears, all the terrible dark thoughts, crime and violence etc. came pouring out at 1:30 in the morning just like the OIL SPILL in the Gulf.
St. Petersburg is a rather small city without very much going on for the press and TV to cover. Child abuse, murder, burglary, domestic violence are earth shattering events and written about in lurid detail for my mental OIL SPILL. I usually hear a good bit of it before I run OUT OF THE ROOM MUTTERING, “ENOUGH ALREADY”
And so wracked with fearful thoughts, I tossed and turned at 1:30 in the morning until at last my thoughts turned towards Swami for refuge.
Some of you may have wondered what took me so long. In fact you may have wondered about that for some time as I have gone on and on about the ATMA, not using Swami’s name. I haven’t been writing about Swami’s form, I’ll admit. So at 1:30 finally I was worried enough to call in the Marines or in this case, my best friend, the cosmic Avatar, Swami
HELP SWAMI. SOMEONE HAS STOLEN MY PICTURE OF YOU RIGHT OFF THE WALL! WHO WAS THAT PERSON, SWAMI AND NOW WILL THEY COME IN HERE AND DO ME SOME HARM? And what about my sister, Swami, all alone in that big dark house. I know you’ve said that you would protect us but what about now?
It was a very tough night.
My 85 year old sister has solved this entire crime and violence issue by simply surrounding herself by white light. Great but I’m not surrounded by any kind of light. I’d take a soft pink light at this point, anything. Listen, I said to myself, you’ve been living almost under the toes of the Lotus Feet of the Punya Avatar of 14 worlds, for 30 years SO WHERE IS THE LIGHT?
Now I really know that I am protected by Swami’s light just as I know I’m protected all the time by Swami. I really know that it’s just this kind of mental aberration I have.
So sitting there on my bed in the middle of the night, I took myself in hand. I brought His form into my mind and placed Him by my side. first one side and then the other. Then I had Him stand in front of me and behind me the way Swami’s says, and then, above and below. That is harder. I could maintain this for maybe five seconds before I started auguring with myself. Doesn’t Swami say, I am not this body? Doesn’t He say, “This is not my form? YES BUT I NEED HELP NOW, SWAMI BECAUSE I’M AFRAID OF THE DARK. Gosh, I wish I could use a white light for protection. Maybe I could borrow ny sister’s white light maybe I could…but wait a minute my sister doesn’t just call forth that light when she needs it as it is always around her and what’s more that white light isn’t just around her it’s what she is!
Ok, Swami but, where is my light? 30 years years, Swami, I must have at least a glimmer somewhere!
From deep within came the thought,,,think about it….consentrate on the light you know that you are.
Believe it or not I had never done that before even though our precious Swami has asked us to do the “Light meditation” so many times.
I thought about the light and mine turned out to be a lovely golden color. Perhaps it was my imagination but I was imagining beautiful golden light all around me and it had Swami’s essence in it, a vague impression of His form and face was there. It was really wonderful and I pray that it will stay with me because it is the TRUTH,
I realized that Swami had taken the calendar Himself to bring me into this golden light.
Then I realized that although I have been here for a month I haven’t really thought about my Swami in the same way I did at the ashram. I have been talking to Him and looking at His picture but I haven’t been full of Swami. Yes I touch His face and say His Gayatri mantra but He hasn’t filled me up. At Prasanthi, Swami was all of me, Parabrahma, Punya Avatar. Then I realized that the golden light I was imagining is Swami. I don’t have to place Him in front or in back because I’m sitting in the midst of Swami.He is who and what I am. He is everything
At 1:30 in the morning, like Shiva and Shakthi being one and the same, Swami and Susan were also one and the same. I prayed that I would continue to be immersed in Swami light even in the daytime.
Well, I hate to admit to the ending of this story. This morning after walking Mickey Mouse with my sister I asked her to come into the apartment to help me find my large picture of Swami on the calender. She simply walked into the kitchen and said, “What is this?” I HAD FORGOTTEN MOVING THE PICTURE TO THE KITCHEN WHERE HE WAS HANGING OVER THE COUNTER WHERE I PREPARE MY. And He was laughing!
You transcend the mind and senses
the orbit of the sun, maya
the ultimate step by yogins, the common ground, mother and father of of Ganesha, worshipped by demi gods
delicate form, consort of Shiva, only independent being, deity of tantra
725 Salutations to her who is Daksinamurty, worshipped by Sanaka
impart knowledge of Shiva, spark of divine consciousness, bud of divine bliss, pure love, grant what is dear
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You are pleased with these names, the mantra, Nandikesvara, Chidambara and the counter part, the ground of the changing universe, you give salvation you are salvation, you like women’s lasya, harmony in dance, modesty, adored by Rambha, you put out fire of samsara, burn jungle of sin, blow away flakes of misfortune, removes old age infirmities, bring good fortune on full moon, make hearts dance like peacocks
thunderbolt destroys disease
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You are the ax which cuts tree of death
750 Salutations to her who is supreme sovereign, Mahakali, the great devourer, who’s repast is the universe
Aparna, the awe inspiring one, destroyer of Canda –Munda changeless
and changeful, ruler of all the worlds, you support the universe, the triad of human values, Goddess of affluence, the three eyed God and Goddes, your dispositions are in harmony
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bestows enjoyments of paradise, ever pure, the color of Japa flowers, full of energy, full of splendor, embodiment of sacrifice, fond of holy vows, hard to worship without sense control hard to resist, loves Patali flowers, greater than all, resides on Meru
776 Salutations to her who loves Mandara flowers , worshiped by heroes, the cosmic whole, without stain
faces in all directions, the Self, transcendental ether, gives life
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you are life, adored by Martanda Bhairava, invested Syamala with power, tripuram you have victorious armies, devoid of dispositions, absolute and relative, you are truth, knowledge and bliss, harmony in diversity, Karpardin and his consort, wears the arts as yourr garland all forms, treasury of all arts, the art of poetry, knows all rasas
800 Salutations to her who is the treasure of rasas
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full of vigor, the most ancient being , worthy of worship, like a lotus in bloom, lotus eyed, the supreme light, our supreme abode, subtlest particle, superior to trimurthis; holds noose of samsara, cuts bond of samsara,who breaks spells, You are form and formless, satisfied with perishable offerings, you swim in Manasa lake in the minds of saints, vowed to truth, you are truth, the inner ruler, eternal being, the shakthi of Brahhma
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you are Brahma, Mother Universe
you have taken many forms,
825. worshiped by the wise, the birth of the universe, awe inspirinm give divine commandments, the foundation, the ‘I’ sense, the life force, you give life, speech, unfettered, dwells in secluded places, worshiped by heroes, the source of evolution
gives salvation to the jives, the abode of those who attain salvation
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origin of all ,you knows all thoughts and sentiments, you cure Trans migratory existence, set the wheels of trans migratory existence in motion, you are the Vedas, the sastras, the mantras, though slender contains all worlds, your fame extends everywhere, boundless might and glory, you give 850. letters of language, give peace and repose, give the Upanishads, you transcends peace, you are inscrutable
you pervades space
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source of creative process, fond of music, untouched by creative process, you efface all sin, Paramashiva,
not subject to cause and effect, overflows with love for Shiva, earrings of burnished gold, the form of cosmic play, no birth, no decay, artless beauty and innocence, easily pleased, worship is easy for those with inner gaze, worship difficult for those with outer gaze, the three fold Veda, three fold aim of life, present in three periods
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875 Salutations to her deity in three circles of Sri Chakra, free from all ills, depend on none, the joy of the self, source of spiritual nectar, you rescue those in samsara, you delight in sacrifice, direct sacrificial acts, instigate sacrifice, support dharma, control riches, increase harvest, love the learned, you are the learned, you cause cyclic motion, you devoir the universe
Have coral complexion, the power of Vishnu, the form of Vishnu
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the self of all, generates all power, changeless, Kaula deity, fond of the heroic mode of worship, the hero
900 you transcends karma
the primal sound, you are realization, one to be reckoned with, wisdom in all skills, seated in Bindu of Sri charka, transcends cosmic categories, understands the cosmos
Tat Twam, non-dual, you love chanting of Samaveda, object of Soma sacrifice,
Sadashiva and His consort
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reached by Savya and Kaula, ward off danger, Svasthaya, sweet, endowed with wisdom, worshiped carefully by wise, likes offerings of the spirit, likes flower offerings of spirit, ever shining,, rosy like the morning sun, worshiped by learned and unlearned, you have a smiling face
925 ultimate object of Kaula , confers ultimate bliss, loves hymns of praise, worthy of hymns of praise, glory is praised in the Vedas, self possessed,
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high minded ,Great One, benign form, mother of the universe, protector of the universe, Visalaksi at Kashi, without passion, daring, generous, joyful, all spirit, your hair is the sky, seated in flying celestial car, Indrani, deity of left hand path, accept five sacrifices of left hand path, seat of the five deities
consort of fifth deity, Sadashiva, rule elements
950 worshipped by five fold offering, eternal, you have dominion, give eternal happiness, you charmed Shambho, you are Shambho,
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the earth, supremely blessed, righteous, promotes righteousness, you transcend the worlds,you transcend the three gunas, who transcend everything, the soul of peace, tender grace, Bala, eternally young, your sport is the creation of the universe, most auspicious, bestow happiness,, gracefully attired, ever with your consort, pleased with respect for married women
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your splendor beams everywhere, pure minded, pleased with offerings to Bindu
975 Salutations to her who is first born,
Tripurambika, Nada, Bindu, Kala
worshiped by ten mudras, presides in Sarvarthasadhaka, the Cinmudra finger mudra of knowledge, attained through knowledge
you are knowledge and the object of knowledge, in yoni mudra, in the Trikunda
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