Cleaning out Closets

This blog will be a little different. It will address the family problems we Sai Graduates may have encountered as we returned to the homeland of our birth.

We have been living pretty much alone on the ashram away from our families. Family relationships have become secondary in our lives replaced somewhat by Sai sisters and brothers. But, for the most part we have spent our time on the inner work free from the snares of relationships of any kind.

Of course we have continued to love and honour our birth families, our mothers and fathers, siblings and in some cases our kids too. Nevertheless, our Sai family members have become important to us.

Unfortunately when we travelled to India some of us may have left behind negative feelings, old worn out dusty clothes, costumes which may have fit us at one time but now they don’t at all. These unresolved conflicts and negative images of ourselves from another time, were packed away from sight in the closets when we went away to India to find Swami.

As immigrants, many of us have had to return to our birth families. I know that some simply could not go back and preferred to stay in hostiles in places like Sri Lanka and Kuala Lumpur. Others of us have returned to find that those old bad family stories, half true and exaggerated, those negative feelings remain packed away in the closets. Swami left all that mess right here for us to clean up.

The stuff in the closets is primarily old and worn out clothes that don’t fit us anymore because we are Sai Graduates. The shoes pinch and we can’t walk that way any more and the dresses which are too tight and short give the wrong impression now. They were for immature children disparate for love and acceptance.

The junk in the closet is for the bewildered child who had to travel 10,000 miles to find acceptance and safety. And this family may continue to believe that they are appropriate.

There is only one way to get rid of that junk. We must show Swami’s teachings by example. And we must be examples for two reasons. One because we owe it to Swami. He has been transforming us steadily for all these years, here where we were born and in India. He is the goldsmith with His little hammer and tongs, cutting and banging out the dints and holes preparing us to be….Sai Graduates! He never seems to rest, does He?

So now, here we are, a person who is really different from the person who left many years ago or even not long ago. With me it has been 30 years, I left at 45 and now I am 75. If I do not come across now as a product of His workshop, its’ an insult to the Lord Incarnate.! The other reason for being an example is because, you know, life is just so much easier if you love those around you and your presence is a blessing to them.

You know, everything may seem to be just fine when you first get back. Then they start opening those closets and going thru drawers to pull out stuff you had completely forgotten about. “Hey, isn’t this yours?” they’ll ask. “You use to be able to wear this little dress, do you want to try it on?”

Throw the stuff out! Stand up and say, “ Oh no, not me, I’m a Sai Graduate now. I will never put on that dress or shirt again.”

You know, it’s up to us…and Swami, of course. It is up to us to reject the entire costume, the nice pretty ruffles and the ugly tacky borders. Swami will actually arrange situations which show to one and all that you’re not the same person. You do your best and He does the rest. He has for me.

Family stories, those old dusty books and scripts in the closet are really nothing but trouble. We had forgotten about them being packed away. Nasty words and you’ll find stuffed around them, books and scripts about other family members too. Nasty gossipy stuff that can only hurt and never in a million years help anyone. Judgments based on negative conclusions and projections. This kind of hurtful gossip can only destroy people, only cloud the presence of the omnipresent blissfull Atma.

Don’t look at that stuff. Those bad stories, those sad stories don’t deserve being heard and will only become stronger and more important if they are opened up and looked at….and its crap. It’s false and it poisons the mind.

I think the only thing we can do with the stuff concerning other people is to simply pray and give it to Swami for purification. If possible the paper they are written on should be thrown in the fire of purification.

Some of us Sai Graduates have already thrown out all that stuff and are even now living lives based on the benefits of the purification. I received an email last week from Tara. I always knew she was an angel ever since in the 80’s she stayed with me in a clinic in Whitefield when I had all my teeth pulled out because of a gum problem. I was 55 and all alone. It’s a scary thing to go through that and I was so glad to have this beautiful instrument of our Lord with me the whole time I was there.

Anyway last week she wrote and said her ex husband was in a deep coma and the doctors wanted to remove the life support system. Well yesterday I received an email from her saying that he had left his body. I can only imagine how hard that was for her and I was glad her daughter was there with her.

From a Sai Graduate

Thank you all for the prayers and good wishes you've sent

our way. They've all been so appreciated by our family. I don't know what the

remainder of my year will bring, but I hope to be able to see many of you before

too long. Sincerely, Tara

I think that means that she’s on her back to Prasanth Nilayam, as we all are. I hope that any Sai devotee who reads this will take the time to send a little prayer to Swami for extra blessings for Tata

GOLD

For so long I had to lie in the

cold dark ground.

I glittered very quietly, my form

was spread around.

Then there was a freezing flood

And I just popped out,

Rushing down the river before

there was a drought.

“A nougat, look!” I heard one day

And knew that the man

meant me.

Some guy announced

to the world.

What I was meant to be

He picked me up

and rubbed my face

So I could shine for him

I felt so good and happy cause I

had made a friend.

He stuffed me in a sack with

some other bits of stone

I knew that I had value

for I was not alone.

But right away I learned to see

where my value lay.

‘Cause he sold me for money

that very day.

I watched him leaving quickly to

count his wad of green.

But then I had a new friend

And his gaze was really keen.

He weighed me once

and then again.

His little nougat bright

I thought that now everything

Would turn out quite all right.

But that of course was not to be

I should have known right then

That I’d be traded for the green.

Yes traded once again

My new friend raised a hammer

And smashed me to a pulp.

He heated me to liquid,

Again he beat me up.

I thought I’d die at his hands

But that was not to be.

I shone so bright and pretty

So that he could see.

I’d been transformed, I really had

Into a golden me.

He made me be a circle

As smooth as I could be.

I am a golden ring I thought

Yes that is what I am.

Round and smooth, I’ll bring

At least I think I can.

To some sweet pretty lady

Who has a slender hand.

I am a marriage ring.

And have such style and grace.

I’m very bright and pretty.

And have a sweet embrace.

She always seemed so proud

As proud as she could be

A friend, I thought, at last

A friend she’ll always be.

And I will stay forever

Right here on her hand

To tell the world she’s married

to a wealthy man

I should have known things change

And not to trust this friend

She took me to the goldsmith

And I was changed again

I was heated very hot

And smashed and smashed

Some more.

And then when I was liquid

He added more gold ore.

We became the bracelet

Which is a kind of ring.

A lovely golden bangle.

For happiness to bring

She gave me to her daughter.

Who was about to wed

Who oh’d and ah’d and

Smiled so sweetly

But later, this she said

I’ll never wear this bangle

It’s not done in the west

I’d rather have a necklace

To wear with my silken dress

Oh no! I thought, not again

But I knew that I was right

Back to the goldsmith’s melting pot

Where he added more gold bight.

I am so pretty now, I thought

More pretty than the rest

People stop and stare at me

Atop her brocade dress.

But she did not like the envious

Looks.

Hated jealous eyes

So to the goldsmith’s shop we went.

And I was not surprised.

To have this necklace melted down

To change again my shape

Into the golden coins you see

Which have a lot of weight.

We sit here in the vault alone

At first we felt so sad

Without a friendly person

To tell us they were glad

To show us off to others

To show us off in pride

But now we don’t care one bit

Though all those friendships died.

For we are gold today, you know

And gold we’ll always be

We’re not a ring or a necklace

A bangle we’ll never be

But simply gold, we’ve always been

Gold, yes only that

So now we will shine happily

For gold is where we’re at

We will sit here and shine alone

On the safe vault shelf.

Because we are our own best friend

Our own real true gold self.