Uneasiness

One of the important ideas from Tweedie's book, 'Daughter of Fire' is about uneasiness. Swami may say that contentment is happiness but I think He keeps us in a state of unease so that we continue to transform ourselves. Perhaps I should say, continue to be accessible to His transformation. Tweedie says,' If there is love there is great uneasiness, the greater the love the more unease.' I have found through the years that even during the periods of bliss, the uneasiness is there. And if it isn't, progress lags far behind. Swami says, 'fear of sin, love of God and one other thing I can't remember', are very important. So where is contentment. Maybe the unease is sort of like a subconscious drive, the shakthi 'gas petal' and contentment is the 'outer vehicle 'which envelopes us. I was so aware of this process at the ashram that periods of bliss gave me that uneasy feeling because it was like....I'm happy and content so I guess, nothing is happening. Then, in a way, happiness creates unhappiness.

Once I had an image of a gardener holding up a plant He had just pulled up from the earth with the little roots all exposed. The idea was that in order to transform or transplant the plant so it might grow correctly, the gardener would make sure it no longer had any earth clinging to the roots. I kept that image in my mind a lot there at Prasanthi as it was how I felt much of the time. Uneasy, with my little roots and stems swinging in the air.

Now that I am living here in the west with all the creature comforts, He finds other ways to create unease. Because I was so sick, I have a weakness in my hands so I can't undo bottle tops especially those ridiculous caps on medicine requiring pushing and pulling at the same time. I'm told you can request other adult bottles but that's only for prescription drugs. Right now I have a heavy bottle of “Motts' vegetable juice which I can't open. So, living alone, I'll wait for someone to come. My sister may drop by tomorrow after church but she's 86. I'm trying to learn independence too.

I am getting stronger. I have to put my doggie in a pet stroller to take her out three or four times a day. She weighs 15 pounds and could jump out herself but likes to be picked up and given a little extra love. So, my arms are getting muscles I never had before. Swami thinks of everything. She's really the perfect dog for me because she gets me out of this room three or four times a day, and being so cute and sweet everyone in the building loves her and pets her cause she's so gentle. I hear, 'Oh here comes little Puggle' wherever I go and beam like any mother. A few loving words from two or three people on each trip give me just the loving exchange I need during the day.

And she causes me 'unease' also. Swami thinks of everything. See. she has had the worse case of fleas I ever saw. We've tried that stuff shown on TV, 'Frontline' or something, but it doesn't work on her. The vet, fortunately a friend of my sister's, gives her pills by mouth, also I have learned to bath her. Cristine,the lady who helps me, has a dog allergy so I learned to do it myself. So now, the fleas are almost gone. There are still just enough to make me scratch finding them on myself, causing 'unease'. He uses everything to transform us into having awareness of the Real Self, even fleas.