Depression

I have found that staying in the moment is the best thing for depression. I have found this because HE has shone it to me and it works, as HE always said it would.

If you can really stay in the here and now, there's no depression because at this very moment, everything is OK. It's only when we compare our position with that of others, that WE GET DEPRESSED. Editorial we, of course. I suppose this attitude doesn't help much when things are really rotten. But things aren't rotten at this exact moment. Puggles pooped at two am this morning but I managed to clean it up muttering, 'bad girl' The lady who helps me clean is angry but she wouldn't be here at 4;30 am anyway. So, as of this moment in time, everything is OK. In this very moment there are no comparisons and no assumptions.

I think that's why I can write better in the middle of the night. It's easier to stay in the moment. Now if I can stay in the moment today when the sun comes up and not worry that I have no future and the past isn't worth thinking about, if I can do that I won't be depressed today. But that is worrying about the future and isn't in the now.

I have been depressed all my life even in the best of times. When I was doing social work in California, loving Swami., living in a beautiful house with a very significant other, two precious doggies and driving a cute little Honda Civic, I was also seeing a shrink because I was depressed. My father's father was depressed even though he was a US senator. He wrote letters back home from Washington about his 'melancholia'. My other sister had terrible depressions as did my Daddy when a heart attack made him retire at an early age. So it runs in the family.

Once in India I went to a shrink who gave me pills. People use to talk about their problems but now they just take pills. I took them for a week but then noticed that I couldn't control my own thoughts so I stopped. Again when I was in the hospital here in the US and so alone in this apartment, the doctor gave me prosaic or something. It made me sluggish which was worse than the depressions. So I wouldn't take those pills either.

The lady who use to clean for me is angry and there's dog poop in my bedroom...no, I cleaned it up didn't I ? But somehow, now at 4:30 am, I'm not depressed. Maybe I'm still asleep but actually I'm, at my best in the early morning. It might be because at this moment in 'the promised land' people are lining up full of devotion, to be with Swami's Samadhi. Or I guess they are. I've never done that. But I've always been more aware of the 'truth' at this time....Brahmamurthi, God's hour. Can I face another day all alone here? But there I go losing the moment. I'll just have to pray to Swami to help me stay in the now. He always helps me. He helped by destroying my job, my car, my doggies and my home in Californis too. Oh and my significant other died of cancer. He did that to get me to go to India for 30 years. Then He destroyed My India to bring me back, We don't know why but we know for sure that it is always for the best....because we know He loves us and will pull us through the knot hole to merge with Him come what may.!!! I AM READY, LORD.