Another Day Older

My sister picked me up on 9/28 and took me to 1019 for my birthday. Puggles, our joint-dog was shocked to see me and wouldn't look at me at first. I stayed one night and my sister brought me back the next day. Puggles never did jump up on the couch where I was watching TV but allowed me to pet her. She is very definite about her limits. I swear she is human but she wants constant attention and....food. I know I told you all about her history, seven litters in 3 years and I think she was kept in a cage. So now she craves attention and love. Something that I've finally gotten over.

About the singing. Singing has been my pastime since I moved into Peterborough. I have collected about 70 songs from the 50's and 60's and changed the lyrics just enough to sing to Swami. No kissing or touchy feely stuff or anything embarrassing. I concentrated mostly on His 'side long glances' and just His Darsan. I tried to imagine His Anantapur girls singing to Him. Anyway, then I went across the street to the Sunshine Senior Center and started singing in a program they call Country Classics. There are about ten elderlies who have guitars and maybe three keyboards. I have been singing since the second time I went...even though the organizer was noncommittal about my singing from the first. The others gave me lots of encouragement because frankly most sound terrible. Well, they are singing country ballads and the bar is pretty low. I sang 'Country Roads' by John Denver and 'Anytime' by Eddie Arnold but they mostly sing stuff like...'I'm lookin' over a four leaf clover' and 'If you knew Susie' Also they sing a lot of hymns. I have always been very up front about my India connection thinking people would be more broad minded than they probably are. I always say that I believe there is only one God but that He has many names. At the end of each session we sing, 'Amazing Grace' which is a great song but when we finish we hold hands and put them in the air. I feel they are saying, “I am saved” which is OK by me because I am, but not in the same way. I was told by one guy that Jesus is the savior because we are all sinners. Swami says that isn't true. I think the guy meant the Garden of Eden or something which refutes evolution. That is so ridiculous it's hard to believe the people in this civilized country can buy it . I was in a Girl Scout troop and my Mama was the leader, 65 years ago and we couldn't meet at the Methodist church because she was teaching evolution. Here I am right back in this group of really prehistoric thinking people.

Well, of course I don't fit in, never have. Mama never fit in either. But then when have I fitted in, in India, in second arch where I sat in the Hall? No, I didn't fit in there either but pretended to. I sat and read my English translation while everyone was chanting Sanskrit. Now I'm here, thinking inside about Swami saving me by giving me my belief in Vedanta while everyone else is proclaiming they are saved from their sins.

It's hard isn't it. I don't fit in anywhere except in my own wonderful little flat, by myself, singing love songs to my Swami. He has created this cozy little nest some where in the west and I am very grateful. Every morning I say three times, 'Salutations to my precious adorable Lord, Sri Sri Sri Bhagavan Sri Sathya Sai Baba, my eternal Beloved, my very own Self, Kali Yuga Avatar. My very own Self, ummm does that mean that I, this Self, created this cozy nest? How can that be? I don't have any power to do that? Then, who did create all this if I didn't? God? Swami? I've never had the power to even create my own life and make good decisions. I can't even spell decisions, thank God for spell check. It's really hard to understand anything, isn't it? If I am God and I created all this world then why am I praying to 'the other'. Swami says there isn't 'the other' and we're all the same. Maybe my right hand doesn't know what my left hand is doing. Maybe my unconscious is subsciousnce. Oh hell, I can't spell that either. Hummm, 'this Self' and 'That Self' are the same Self because there is only 'One Self'. Maybe that will help.