More Lesson

First let me say that yesterday went very well. I sang at the senior center across the street for the first time. 'Country Roads, take me home, to the place I belong, West Virginia,' was the song I sang.'Actually it was really 'to the place I belong, Puttaparthi,' but no one knew that. I sang pretty well and got lots of compliments from everyone but as I explained to my sister who came to see me sing....the bar was really low. There was one lady who was pretty good and sang those wonderful sad country songs about how her man had 'done her wrong'. There was also one lady, age 95, I'm not kidding, who sang in a straight line, only on one note and another Vietnamese lady who was also absolutely off key. I didn't know the key when I sang in so it was acopella (never mind google, I can't spell it either) I mean unaccompanied. I never know the key I'm singing in. At Prasanthi we would sound the 'starting note' when beginning a bhajan and that was enough. I'll sing again on Friday. What a coincidence right? That He has had me singing all these old songs from the 60's for a month and for absolutely no reason except to quietly sing them as love songs to Him here in my quiet little flat? Now I am singing them to an audience with a few changes in the lyrics taking out His name and using the generic 'Lord'. Is this blog making any sense​? It's just after 4 am and I'm not wearing my teeth. Somehow I can think more clearly with my teeth in.

My sister stayed about an hour at the show so she was away from our 'joint dog' Puggles, for two hours altogether. As a result the dog took almost an hour to quiet down when Betty got home. She yelps and barks and runs in circles as she use to do with me when I left her. We think she was abused before she found us. Did I tell you that the man told me she had given him seven litters of pups in three years. I guess she was always pregnant and he took all her babies away from her, too. Then he got rid of her because he wanted a smaller dog. Good thing for her though as she is soooo loved now by my sister and me.

Anyway with all this running here and there, Puggles and me, I'm having a hard time meditating. Meditating ha ha. I simply fight this mind of mine for about an hour before falling back exhausted to a prone position to sleep. The mind wants to think about Puggles and Christine who's having her problems and now a few people at the senior center have joined the cast. Swami has provided me with a quiet uncomplicated peaceful life but my mind is always on the look out for confusion and trouble and is determined to find these things even if it has to borrow them from people around me.

There are two important lessons to be learned here. One is that all these situations are only my imagination and shouldn't effect me at all. And secondly, He is the only doer and the Lord will take care of all of them even if they don't exist for me, as He takes care of me. I don't have to, in fact I can't, He does it all. It's just 'busy work' for my mind and counter productive to say the least. I am here, alone, with my Swami following His script and just witnessing everything. I actually have no role as I have never been anyone's wife or mother. Free, free, thank God almighty I'm free. I wonder why my mind refuses to see it that way. But with Swami's help, I'll soldier on.