Last Blog

This may be my last blog as yesterday in a fit of peak I filled out an application for a visa to India and bought a ticket on line for Bangalore. I read that notice from the Ashram Trust saying that Swami had lived for 86 years at Prasanthi Nilayam and so that it is a very powerful place to be and thought He must be calling me home. I have given myself only ten days to get the visa and ticket because my birthday is on the 28th of this month. I shouldn't have done that because I may not get the visa in time. All I can do is pray. Also I got the cheapest ticket on AirIndia because I have very little money. The first trip I ever took was on AirIndia and it felt as if Swami was guiding me that way again.. I had to give my credit card numbers which I hate to do, so again I'm praying. I can't tell you how confused I am this morning. I hope my mind doesn't break altogether. If it does, remember you read it here first.

I loved it here at Peterborough and might return to my little place. While it is true that I didn't have any friends or family here Swami did send me Christine once a week to clean. Mostly we talked because I was so lonely. How can you be lonely when God Himself has you by the hand? Good question! Maybe because He wanted me to be lonely so I would return to Prasanthi. My sister was my only family and she seldom called me even after she had Puggles there and must have known how disparately I wanted news of my little dog. I waited four days or maybe it was three anyway she didn't call, I read that statement from the Trust about the ashram being such a great place.....and spent yesterday getting visas and tickets. I do things on impulse. Is it Alzheimer or 'mild cognitive impairment'. I got my little dog on impulse which wasn't the smartest thing I ever did in my life....but I'm glad I did because now my sister isn't there in that big old house by herself. If nothing else, giving her Puggles was the one good thing that happened as a result of my being here.

I may not ever come this way again, Inshalla,as the Muslims say. It means that it's in the hands of God and we know that's certainly true. I got a multi entry visa so I can kind of go and come. I have a niece in California so I may come back from India the Pacific route. Now that is a fantastic family. Her name is Bethia, of course as everyone's is and she has a daughter teaching in China a son who graduated from Drama school and a daughter who's singing gigs all over southern California. But it's a small two bedroom house.

As you may recall I have issues about maturity. I've asked Swami a hundred times if He wants me to grow up, at age 77. He never would say but now since this trip I can see that no one on earth, kith or kin, wants you around if you're childish. It means that no one can count on you for a mature response and you can't pull your own weight. 33 years with Swami and He took care. So He has answered my question....the hard way. 'Sure, stay a childish person but you won't have...kith or kin around you. Get use to it. I guess that's why my sister's kids disliked me so much.

Unfortunately in the meantime I'm loosing my brains and can't really focus very well on anything. So again, all I can do is pray. Inshalla. until we meet again.