In His Hands

Spent yesterday on the computer with visas and air tickets and like that. Also spent day talking to my sister....from the heart. Told her I was returning to India clutching a broken heart because I felt totally rejected by her, my only living sister and surrogate mother.. Told her that I had spend a year in this tiny apartment, waiting for her to call me. She suggested that I was trying to make her feel guilty. Then we attacked some of the issues which we've avoided for a year. I said they were misunderstandings but agreed that when I told her I had to hold my nose to eat the glog she fixed for me to eat...I agreed it was not the smartest thing I've ever said. She said then that she wouldn't ever cook for me again and I've been on my diet of frozen pasta entres ever since. They are a good solution if you're not a nutrition nut. I can find 7 or 8 different pasta meals each week to microwave for about 2.50 or less. No cooking and no washing dishes and many have a few veggies in them. V-8 makes up the veggie requirement. Hey don't knock it, it works and I've conquered diabetes 2 that way.. But where was I? Oh yes, my beloved sister. We ended our conversation with mutual love and some respect. I said that it had been a mistake to move out of the family homestead because we could have worked it out.

But in retrospect it's all in His hands and everything is perfect. I now have my own small place and am completely independent except for Christine who cleans for me but mostly is my only friend. Yesterday we went to Walmart and shopped for the week, she did to. But I'm getting ahead of myself. My sister came by at the same time Christine came and both were here when this travel agent I had found online, informed me that I couldn't go to India on a one way ticket. Round trip was 1400 and one way 850 or there bouts which I could have afforded . My sister was going to take us to fedex to mail application for visa. And then we were going to Walmart on the trolley. Isn't it neat that they have trolleys here. Christine showed me how to take one so I can do it again. Only trouble was we bought so much stuff we couldn't get it back home on the trolley and had to call one of her friends from this building to drive us home for gas money. But where was I?

You see how He worked that out? He's amazing as they say on TV. He had me reconcile with my sister by this non trip back home to India. He really didn't want me to go away hurt and rejected. Now her kids are another matter. I don't think we will ever be friends, too much anger and resentment and jealousy although she doesn't think they are jealous. OK, I'm jealous and always have been since she brought home the first one. She was MY MAMA and I needed her and there she was with that real baby in her arms and then another and another and another....In a normal family I would have been encouraged to...'would you like to hold the baby, Aunt Susie? Here, you can help change the diaper or give her the bottle. She's looking at you and smiling.' But I wasn't. I was ignored and so I went out to play with my friends. Well I'm 77 now and it's too late. I don't have any friends so I can't run out to play. My knees are too bad anyway and I have to pay Christine to be a friend.

So anyway, here I AM, Did youall read the Sept 15th Heart to Heart daily inspiration. It was so beautiful about the Atma being all pervasive and the smallest of the small and the greatest of the great. I wish I could copy it here. Maybe I'll try but in the meanwhile I'll ask our programmer to copy it on the blog. It will redirect your consciousness to where it should be, away from Walmart, away from family squabbles and even away from friendships and attachments. And that's all we want isn't it? Whether we are in the heavenly abode or living in a senior facility, we pray that He will expand our consciousness.