Where I belong

I feed myself these blogs...ah...Swami gives me these blogs as part of my daily prayers in the morning and if I wait it's hard to remember how they go. This morning I was thinking, well, if I could find another Sai devotee to move in here who is just as poor...financially, as I am, HUD could pay the 600 for her and she could pay the 90 dollars and the tax payers wouldn't be loosing any money when I ran off to India.

Well, I could almost hear Swami's reasonable voice.

“Susan this is a perfect place for you. Don't blow it please. Look out that window and see the rosy mother covering Her Precious Lord Shiva's Bay with her divinity. Where on earth would you see such a heavenly sight first thing in the morning before getting up. You have this place, this gift from Sri Lakshmi, you have a government which actually gives you food to eat and a roof over your head, you have the love of your precious sister after a life time of alienation, you have really nice clothes and even a friend in Lois Buxbaum. You have your 'Babies' Ganesha and Bala Devi, to pray to as well as Swami and your health is getting better. Why do you want to cut and run. I've given you so much. Soon I will give you a book to write too”

So that's pretty much what He inspired me with this morning before my coffee. But India, the thought of India is so powerful.

“Swami, I have loved India for thousands of life times, I think. I simply belong in India. I have vasanas. Here I feel like a corpse in a coffin.”

Last night I watched that TV series drama, 'Outsourced' which is about an American guy in Mumbai working at a call center with a group of Indians. I watch it and simply forget where I am....I really do, I mean mental health authorities would be knocking at my door if they knew how much I forget where I AM. They have auto rickshaws, green coconut sellers on the streets along with dosas. The people in the office are kind and lovable and funny and warm just like the people in Puttaparthi. They waggle their heads and have small idols of Lakshmi on their desks and freak out when this American guy even touches them on the back. Anyway, I'm always ready to fly to India the day after I watch that show it's such a strong attachment.

I was praying to the Divine Mother this morning. She's always more direct.

“You say you belong in India, Susan. “ (I know She's really Swami in another costume)

“Did you ever feel as if you REALLY belonged on that ashram? Did you ever feel as if you REALLY belonged in round house 3? Even here, did you ever feel as if you belonged in your sister's house? Do you feel as if you belong here now in this palatial flat I've given you? Did you really feel that you belonged with your mother on her lap? “WHERE DO YOU REALLY BELONG, SUSAN?”

“I BELONG WITHIN MY PRECIOUS SWAMI, AMMA”

“AND WHERE ARE YOU NOW AT THIS MOMENT?”

“WITHIN MY PRECIOUS SWAMI?”

“THAT'S RIGHT, NOW YOU ARE WHERE YOU BELONG”