Out of the Box and into the Fire

My Internet connection is broken and I just got my telephone yesterday but am afraid to use it for long distance because I have no money to pay regular rates. My programmer isn't going to like this blog because it's too negative and because I'm suppose to be a Sai Graduate,,,,not today though.

Instead of meditating this morning I was busy with my psychological analysis as usual. I'm suppose to be writing about the Absolute and how all this is only imagination but this morning its all Freud and seems too real..

It's good to think outside the box. I think when you think inside a box, whither its as a member of a family, a school class, or in a place in society you take on the attributes of that box.

I was born with various problems as we all were. Mine are visible which makes it harder to hide them. So because of this and a hundred other things, I never jumped into the proper box, not the family box, not the social box, nor the political box. I was always 'out of the box'. In the family I was the southern baby sister but I didn't add any children to my family line. In school I was not scholastic and so I joined the music and drama clubs because I was good at those things. I chose a career as a social worker helping the oppressed and never sided with the higher classes. Anyway I couldn't hack it any more so I fled to India and into the spiritual arms of the Purna Avatar. I was very happy and moved right into the 'Ashram box'. You're tired of hearing about my being more Indian than Indians, aren't you so I won't say it again?

I loved my Ashram box and put down long thick roots. I developed tons of Indian attributes based on my adoration of Indian culture. One day the ever merciful Purna Avatar had me yanked out, throwing me on the trash heap labeled 'western world'. Unfortunately a few of those roots tore off and are still in India. I still feel sad. One grows a lot of roots in 30 years.

This blog answers the 'Why Swami, why, why did you destroy me.' question. Most of you know it's my usual theme.

OK Madhu, you can relax now, I'm back on the Absolute. Off the wall, out of the box and into the Absolute. I'm not sure there is any other way to find the Absolute, I know that the eternal Om has no box. The Absolute Truth has no attributes. If Swami had not destroyed that Indian box I'd still be happily strolling back and forth to Darsan thinking I was on my way to knowledge of the Truth. Instead I was happily on my way to knowledge of the ashram not of the Truth.

I am not saying that all of you fortunate devotees strolling around the ashram with a blissful 'Sai Ram' on your lips will not find out the Truth right there in this life time. I do, however, think it might be more difficult within the safety of your cozy box full of attributes because you may think they is true.

But, is 'Ashram Life' so peaceful? Does everyone say Sai Ram all day or does one careen from pain to pleasure and back again, just like here in the west.