December the first, Madness

5 am and I really don't have anything to say. After my haha meditation this morning I was thinking about the past six months. Yes Swami did this to me before in 1974. I lost my home, my partner, my doggies, my profession as a social worker and my country ending up in India for 30 years. Then this year, 2010 I have lost my ashram room, my Indian persona, my Indian life, friends, and my country and reason to be. The 1974 'wipe out' may have ended the life of Susan Caffery. I became someone else, Susanama

or Sudhanam the pseudonym I used to write many of my books. Now, who the hell am I and why am I at all?

In the States there is the institution of 'BLACK THANKSGIVING where everyone rushes to start buying for Christmas at 4 in the morning the day after Thanksgiving. I can't RUSH anywhere much less at 4 in the morning but my new Sufi friend did it for me. I gave her 200 and she bought a camera for my PC, a musical keyboard, a printer for my PC and a memory chip. All these things I will need for my new life. The camera for new sight, the musical keyboard for new hearing, new printer for the manifestion of my new life and ….memory. I managed to purchase with my left over karma, my cash, all the things I will need for my new life. My sister calls me SUSIE so maybe that is my name now.

How does this relate to being a Sai Graduate? Well THIS is the new life which will allow me to become Swami's instrument here and now, isn't it? We have been replanted and He expects us to blossom where ever He has planted us. I did it before in 1974, didn't I? Course I was in my 40's and living at the very feet of the Kali Yuga Avatar then.

And now? A little older but so what? And aren't we still living at the feet of the Kali Yuga Avatar? Are those PRECIOUS feet only strong and powerful while at His very own ashram? I think that's silly. It's all HIS ASHRAM.

Ok Susie you're all equipped and ready for this new life, new name, new printer, new memories. But what's the plot? Could it possibly be a new 'Multi Faith St. Petersburg Sai Center? Oh come on, I'm certainly NOT a leader. All my life, or should I say, in both lives, I've been a highly successful person in the number two slot. I'm a follower not a leader....always ….and now that I'm in the last act of my life, or the first act of a new life, I really don't want to change that pattern.

I did have one idea about the Multi Faith Sai Center though....about the music. I listen to PBS on TV and lately they've been playing all the old folk songs from the 60's. 'Michail rowed the boat ashore' for instance. Wonderful songs I grew up with and they would be great with Swami lyrics, easy to sing and from the heart. What's wrong with 'Swami rowed the boat to shore' But really, all those great 'end the war' songs and also the songs of the Civil Rights Movement' like 'We Shall Overcome'....all those songs would be fun to sing as 'Swami Songs' at a Center dedicated to...'loving all of His children, all over this land'. I named this blog, December madness and you can see why, can't you? Here I am, this new puppet, just waiting for the Master's hand.