Me First

A couple of years ago I decided to write English lyrics to the bhajans I was using for Swami's Astotra. I guess it was more than a couple of years. This turned into a great project and the Shakthi was flowing with inspiration. I shared some of these songs with a friend whose opinion I valued and she said it would be a good thing for the westerners because lots of people knew the Bhajan tunes but had no idea of the meaning of the Sanskrit words.

So I put these Bhajans together by singing these on audio files, with the keyboard as fast as I could, so people could use them. Trouble was it was done so fast no one could have understood the lyrics. Anyway they are on my website, saiwonderland.net.

Ok now I am one of those westerners and its time for Akhanda Bhajan. I've been back for 6 months but have not adjusted well and am still sad and upset about being here, if you want to know the truth!

I made a little file of twelve of these Bhajans with English words, singable English words, and emailed them to the person at the local Sai Center so they could be included in the Song book and we could use them for Akhanda Bhajan. The song book is excellent and projected on a large screen so that every one can read the words, I wanted to do the English along with the Sanskrit. I received no reply so I thought they were not well received. The Center is almost totally NRI.

Ok there is an additional problem here. I have no transportation to the Center so I said I would like to go but needed a ride. The Bhajan person is a very busy doctor and could take me but would have to go early because of a meeting he had to attend. I finally saw the hand of the Lord in all of this.

How many Akhanda Bhajans have I attended? I remember one I sang in the Mandir and Swami looked in on us when our group was singing. I remember another when I led a Bhajan in the Mandir, 'Nithananda, Sathchiananda'. Why was I trying to grab a little more for myself? The Sai Youth at this Tampa Bay Center are sort of in charge of the Bhajans. I'm sure they were learning to be confident and to selflessly do Swami's seva.

But then the message I seemed to get this morning was all together different. No more Community worship. 30 years is enough. You share with others easily and have learned to sacrifice your own desires but now, at the fag end of your life, living here in your 15th floor hideaway, it is time to focus on YOURSELF. Be kind to yourself because that is being kind to Swami. Forget doing everything for everyone and do everything for yourself. And why? Because Swami and you are ONE and when you constantly sacrifice your own feelings and needs you are sacrificing Swami.

But then the last thought came buzzing through and I knew...hey, this is a blog. I must like myself because if I don't, I won't like Swami either. I don't like selfish people and go out of my way to put others first...only it doesn't work so well. I put others first but I still don't like myself. I sort of take myself for granted and don't give myself credit.....just like I take HIM for granted and don't give HIM credit either. Anyway I will spend Akhanda Bhajan in my mountain cave singing sweetly to the Lord.