Onam 2010

Sai Ram,

A special time of the year for people from Kerala. Onam was on Monday 23rd. A great example of supreme sacrifice is remembered as King Bali sacrificed his last bit of ego to an incarnation of Vishnu, Vamana. Bali was a ruler whose ego was too strong. Vamana fixed it using ego puncture. Every year on this date, he descends to be with the people of Kerala.

It is a big festival. Usually Keralites come to the ashram several days before and put on a performance for Onam and the day before.

Sunday, 22nd. The hall was crowded as many people came to celebrate Onam. The decoration included streamers from the mandir and hanging from pole to pole as well as umbrellas along the center driveway and at other locations. The verandah center area had also been decorated.

While waiting for darshan, I had the impression of Baba watching over all of us. I saw an enlarged view of his eyes looking around the hall, watching and blessing us.

At 5:32 Baba came into the hall. He stopped to speak with some of the performers who were seated in the driveway in front of the backdrop curtain. Baba moved slowly giving each of us a good view.

He spent a long time with the students in front of the mandir, with the primary and secondary school students and went up the aisle away from the women’s ramp before making a u-turn to go up the ramp reaching the verandah at 5:50. Baba reached verandah center at 5:57.

The one hour musical drama called “Bharata, The Embodiment of Supreme Love” started at 6:04. It was a drama about the immense love Bharata had for Rama: his agony over the exile of Rama, his ruling Ayodhya with his sandals and his joy over Rama return. There was also a scene showing Rama asking Kaikeyi to ask a boon from his father that would send him into the forest so he can accomplish his mission.

There were many songs. Baba even commented that the singer had a good voice.

Baba was very happy with the performance. He went to the white tile where he blessed them by allowing everyone to take padanamaskar while he distributed laddus.

Baba told them how happy he was with the drama. Many of the youth were crying from joy. Baba blessed them several times. Cloth and saris were distributed.

Arathi was at 7:24.

Monday, 23rd. It is Onam. At 5:10 in the procession started led by musicians who played drums and horns including the curve horns followed by bal vikas pundits. Baba entered at 5:14. As he moved through the women’s section, there were tots holding candles.

The musicians went down the driveway and the candle girls went into the front women’s section.

Baba reached the verandah at 5:24 and verandah center a few minutes later.

The musical part of the program which was called “Keraleeyam” started at 5:32 lasted for almost 20 minutes. With song and dance, 99 children told the story of several spiritual leaders, sang Onam folk songs, and included minorities in telling about Kerala. The dances were many and in quick succession. The highlight was the hailing of Sai Baba as the avatar.

It is said that Baba laughed when he saw the person who was playing Vamana who was a short in height. The actor was about 2 feet tall.

After which the one hour drama “Margadhara” started at 5:53. It was the story of child ascetic Dhruva and his virtuous mother. A story about righteousness and spirituality winning over jealousy and hatred.

One scene dealt with the relationship of Dhruva and Uttama as tots. The performers acted as beautiful innocent children in a cute, funny and sweet manner. They seemed so natural in their role. It was a wonder to behold.

Dhruva meditated so intensely that Vishnu appeared to him. Dhruva becomes the pole star and his mother a different star for their surrender and devotion to God.

At 6:34, Baba went to the interview room. Baba returned to verandah center at 6:50 just in time for the finale. He enjoyed the drama.

Makeup for the performance started at 8 a.m. and many of the children did not eat all day.

Arathi was at 7:13. After which Baba went to the white tile for photos. He distributed vihbuti to many of the people present.

After having the Loka sung a second time by the children, Baba left for his residence.

Attached is an article on Swami Vivekananda and a story with a picture of a monkey

helping a blind man.

Thought for the Day 6 July 2010

The infant does not know the taste of milk. By taking it daily, it develops an attachment for it which is so deep that when milk is to be given up and rice substituted, it starts to protest. But the mother does not despair. She persuades the child to take small quantities of cooked rice daily and through this process, the child starts liking rice and gives up milk. By practice, rice now becomes the child's natural food, so natural that even if rice is not available for a single day, it becomes miserable. So too, sensual pleasures are ‘natural’ at first. However, by means of practice, listening to the words of the wise, slowly, you will derive greater joy listening to the glories of God. Thereafter, you cannot exist without that holy atmosphere even for a minute. The company of the worldly chatter will no longer attract you. You will feel that there is nothing as sweet as the experience of listening to the splendour of the Lord.

Baba

Atmic Seeds

This morning a very clear image of a bowl of cooked apples, woke me up from my dream.. I had no idea why I had that picture until after I had finished my oatmeal

and was reading the paper.

“Release the seeds within” was the title of the article which then asked, 'Have you had an apple lately?'

The writer who is reported to be a yoga teacher asked us to check out the apple after we've bitten into it to find that the flesh has begun to change. What was once pure, untouched and white has become brown, stained and tainted. The tender seeds are now more exposed as they become assaulted by the atmosphere. The apple has been invaded.

This doesn't happen if the apple is allowed to fall to the ground. Then perhaps it will start new, fresh roots sinking deep into the friendly soil and pushing onwards to sip sweet water. To grow again. .

We are apples, the writer proclaims. Many times throughout our lives especially now upon leaving Prasanthi, our coverings are ruptured, bruised and brown, tainted and sour.

Where as at the ashram we thought we were free of emotional turmoil and family strife now we find a nasty bite into our psyches, a new rupture to our hearts, a new stain on our emotional selves. Like the apple's flesh we react to the world around us,

We are shocked by the change in atmosphere, the raised voice, the unfriendly gesture, the disharmony revealed.

We discolor again only deeper this time. We wish that we had fallen from the tree of life but God isn't through with us yet. We frantically look for untouched parts of ourselves which are still unhurt and bright but then suddenly there seems to be something around the corner again that we didn't expect. Another sour point we missed and didn't see coming, an eating away, an eroding.

But what about the seeds of the Atma? What if when we are tossed aside, our Atmic reality, our seeds, become more exposed? What if the seeds of who we really were all along, shine and grow stronger. If we are thrown aside to rot again and again won't those perfect seeds become more powerful and aware of themselves?

Learning to become aware of our Atmic seeds and to know who we are, is why we became apples to begin with. We learn that no matter how many time the flesh is torn asunder, the Atmic seed remains unchanged.

The seed of the Atma knows what it needs to carry on throughout our life's journey. The atma looks for fertile soil and even digs through and around rocks and boulders. It drives its fragile roots into the earth and points the next sapling towards the sun. It drinks the clean pure water provided by the Lord and wraps itself in the sunlight of Truth to blossom and become one with Him,by His Grace.

If we had remained cloistered in the Mandir would we have learned so much about our seeds and will this knowledge assure that the seeds will never sprout again? Only Swami knows.

I Stand back to give you room to Grow

As some of you know, I am very often quite critical of the my precious Beloved because He seems to allow me to go through such pain and suffering without seeming to care. One would think, wouldn't one, that when one is suffering much pain, the Beloved should be there to help in any way possible. When we cry out, 'Swami, Swami.' shouldn't there be a soft sweet voice saying, 'Fear not, I am with you'. Isn't that right?

I have found that this is not all together so. I do admit that nice things do happen when we call Him. Things which may brighten the picture, like being assigned to a primary care doctor by the name of, 'Tirupathi' for instance, That name is so auspicious that she doesn't really have to do anything but smile, and things will automatically be a little better, I think. She also looks a little like Goddess Lakshmi as she has the lovely golden color or 'kanada'. I haven't mentioned this, of course, to the doctor. Anyway, you see I know that Swami is the real healer anyway.

So after the negative blog last week I was really pretty negative all the way around.

But then Swami gave me the gift of a lovely children's book to read today. You see, I have found a dozen or so children's classic books upstairs in the book case. First there was , 'Wind in the Willows' a glorious book about a toad who lived a fast life. Then I read, 'The Secret Garden' which was about a little group of children who revived a wonderful mysterious garden just as I was hoping to revive my own life. Next I tried to read a couple of adult books but found them to be terribly dull.

Finally I found, 'The Little Princess' which seemed to contain one of Swami's most important lessons.

Listen to this. Little Sara Crews says: “If you have everything you want and everyone is kind to you, how can you not be good tempered? I don't know how I shall ever find out whether I am really a good child. Perhaps I am a horrid child and I will never know just because I have never had any troubles”, In the book, it was shortly after that her father lost everything in the diamond mines. And here at 1019 I was told by the Queen Mother that if I kept her waiting in the car like that again for ten minutes she would leave and let me walk home. Unlike the child in the book, I said that I had never been spoken to like that in my life and that I would have to leave 1019 as soon as possible.

Later in the children's book Sara says, 'If I were a princess, a real princess (A knower of truth, for instance) I would do good deeds to help people. Doing nice things for people is the same as giving them golden coins like a princess does, But even if I am a PRETEND princess, (a Sai Graduate only) I can think of nice little things to do for people, Things like sharing stories and, (blogs) and sharing the treats and good things which come to me from others. “

This morning I 'heard' Swami say, 'I stand back to give you room to grow'. Or I thought I did. Now I'm not so sure. I guess that was suppose to mean, when I am in my darkest hour Swami doesn't interfere because it is my time to change myself. If He took my hands and led me through a maze of problems I wouldn't know that I was able to negotiate the muddy waters by myself,...I guess, Coppycock! That is duality isn't it? Does that mean that He will step back and let me think that I am the one to learn life's lessons by myself? Does that mean that we are NOT one. How can that be? It's all imagination, all of it. I am I, I am nothing at all. I am Brahma asmi, I am That.

Anyway, I'm sort of in bed with a headache this morning and as I lay there in my gloom and doom I thought some more about my somewhat doubtful message from the Lord.

'I stand back so that you can grow. If it's true that we are one would He just 'stand back' and let me grow if I can?, MAYBE I AM NOT totally CONVINCED OF THE FACT THAT WE ARE ONE AND I REALLY DO SUSPECT THAT IN MY HEART I AM THE DOER AND MUST FIX MY OWN ROTTON SELF. HE STANDS BACK TO ACCOMMADATE MY ROTTON EGO SO THAT I WILL FEEL GOOD ABOUT WHAT I WAS ABLE TO DO ALL BY MYSELF. Forget it, this has been a stupid blog and it's a good thing NO ONE READS IT ANYWAY. I'm taking my self back to bed.

Time to go Home

I always knew that Swami would let me know if and when He wanted me to go back to India. Things seem to be turning in that direction now. I'm getting a little restless and things here don't seem to be working out. Old conflicts which seemed to be trivial at first when they surfaced now seem intractable. I never had much self confidence and somehow thought this trip might change that. Unfortunately it has done quite the opposite and my 'small self' has upon occasion felt compelled to say, 'yeah but, what about me!”'. Maybe that is how the self confidence grows and if so then I don't like it anyway, and find it preferable to slink away. Nothing is ever easy, is it?

Just when things here have become less pleasant, calls from India have become more incessant. Several really good friends have shown up on skype and precious people like Saint Joan have called me from India to say 'hi, when are you coming. It seems that everything is exactly the same there in the promised land only a bit more crowded. I have coped with huge crowds before and now there are so many good dramas and choirs and musical renderings going on with the 85th birthday. So returning to the Lord seems like a pretty good plan.

The problem is that I sincerely believed that my 85 year old sister should not live here alone in this huge house especially now that her little doggie has died. No one else sees things this way, only I, do not believe the more convenient truth that she is fine here alone. But I wonder it that is because I would not be Ok here by myself all alone. I would hate it. And so I am now beginning to see the wisdom in their beliefs. Actually in a manner of speaking, she is perfectly Ok here alone or was when she had her little guard dog. She eats the same glog every day which is easy to fix, using the washing machine, doing a little watering in the yard when it doesn't rain and is very busy with the dozens of people from here and all over the country whocall her and love her very much. She also has good watchful neighbors and a lady who lives out back in the cottage, who check on her all the time. Nevertheless, she is alone. She will watch TV alone without anyone to make comradely comments. But she is in constant touch with her eldest daughter in the north who adds that supplement to her life. But I feel so guilty because I would hate to live her matriarchal life. She likes it.

I had to come five months ago because I had to leave the country. My friend Joyce never went home but spent her two months in Sri Lanka. I ran home to my big sister and I hope I've learned one thing at least. He takes care of us where ever we are, with our family. in a third country living in a hostile, in a nursing home lying mute in the bed or in a wonderfully appointed subsidized apartment in downtown St. Pete. Never mind all the Sai Graduate business, if I could only have that kind of real faith....like everyone else seems to, I would be happy. Then this trip would have been worth it.

This is a beautiful house with high cool ceilings, wide wooden floors and glorious high mattresses with springs. The food has been a problem but as a diabetic vegetarian food is always going to be a problem, oh and I'm anemic too so I started eating eggs cause Swami said it was alright. The trees and vines and orange butterflies have been a constant delight and for most of the time I really have been very devoted to my big sister. I have always lived for love. Perhaps too much so even for her who really is proud of her independence. I will stay in heaven with God for six moths and then return here if I am invited. If not I have another niece in California or a chance to explore those hostiles in Sri Lanka. Joyce is very brave though and utterly trusts our Dearest Lord..

You know, I'm not so anxious to return to the promised land as the 'tough tapas' is pretty vivid in my mind. He took care of my painful knees for 30 years so perhaps He will again. So I'm applying for a return visa. Let's see if I get it. It's entirely up to Him and I personally don't care very much. Too bad I wasn't able to make my sister happy but everything is always perfect. I'll keep you posted.

Swami's Nuns

I must have had a few past lives as a nun because I've always been attracted to that way of life. When I first came to India back in 1978 there were at least a dozen of us younger foreign ladies and I thought we should all live together in a convent doing Swami's work. No one else thought so.

I was young, about 45, and didn't know anything about the way Swami works on us. Because each of us has had many many past lives, we are all quite unique and require different methods of transformation.

Now I'm old and still don't know anything accept as a Sai Graduate we have to appear to be good examples of the Lord's teaching otherwise people will doubt His power and ability to transform us, which He has certainly done in my case!

Where am I, oh yes, my sister and I watched Oprah the other day and Oprah had about four nuns on her show. The people who do the show had gone inside the convent to see how they lived and to see how things were done and it was very interesting. They spoke of the three vows of chastity, obedience and poverty and gave us a good look at how those vows were being practiced in their daily lives. They have morning prayers at 5 and then breakfast and more prayers and games in order to exercise. Then they have group singing and more prayers and reading their prayer books. The meals are eaten in silence and they retire about nine.

Naturally I compared our life at the ashram with their's and found that ours was much harder, For one thing the Mother Superior said there was a great deal of love between the sisters in the convent so that no one was ever lonely. Relationships are even frowned upon at our ashram, IN FACT IN THE PAST, THERE WERE OLDER WOMEN WHO ACTUALLY WATCHED US TO MAKE SURE WE DIDN'T GET TOO CLOSE TO ONE ANOTHER. WE CALLED THEM SPIES.

There were reasons for these differences between our ashram ladies and the nuns, of course. For one thing, nuns are married to Jesus Christ and will never leave the convent. If any of the foreign ladies ever hinted that they were married to Swami, God help them even though He has always been our Beloved and is closer then the eye lid to the eye. We were all there temporarily as shown by the fact that the 12 ladies including me, have all disappeared and gone back 'to the world' Also we were foreigners trying to live in a Hindu ashram in India. There are certainly cultural differences. For one thing, Hindu ladies pretty much stay in their families and don't form attachments elsewhere. I always lived on the ashram and so I was EXPECTED TO STAY BY MYSELF WITH FEW VISITERS AND NO SOCIALIZING.

These things made it more difficult for us than may be with the usual Catholic renunciates although we did hold to the vows of chastity, obeisance and poverty. Chastity was a given, obedience also. No one did anything without permission although I left that last day without permission. I feel that it is very different when you ARE Swami. You feel stupid asking Him something when He lives in your heart and you know that He is the very reason for your being.

And then there is poverty. Well, when you know that all of your money is really His money, you just don't spend much on things that aren't necessary. I spent half my pension on all the books that I wrote and printed with His/our money, and which were sold in His bookstore. Many people asked me if I got permission to write the books. I thought that was silly because, how could I have written them without His hand on mine and His thoughts in my head. I always felt that if He didn't want the books they could be trashed....which is what happened in the end anyway.

So even though I never got my convent, I was a renunciate for the 30 years I lived at His ashram just as I am now. Many of the other ladies were nuns also even though some were married and lived in the world.

I don't know that it should be really a question of taking a vow. It's really just a question of living for God or living for yourself. Some of us simply do not live for ourselves. If you are living for yourself I think it's called being a REPUBLICAN OR A CONSERVITIVE! OK OK, I'M JUST KIDDING!

Good Morning Humanity

Steven Colbert calls his studio audience, 'nation' so I thought I'd go a step further and call youall, 'humanity' as I said the other day that I considered this blog my 'service to humanity' I'm kidding, of course but actually Swami does want us to be more inclusive and omnipresent in scope. I'm still kidding but at least it is kidding in the right direction .

I found my final resting place, yesterday, MY LITTLE CAVE . Well actually I wasn't able to see one of the flats but we should know about these things. Its called HUD federal housing section 8 in the States. I think I'll pause here and get a little more information on google before I write this. I'll be right back.

OK so you can google for all of this information. Access HUD, click on the state where you want to live and then click on the town or community. I don't know about 'waiting lists' but it seems to me you can put in more then one application at a time, for more than one place....and then wait.

My sister and I went to Peterborough yesterday in St. Petersburg Florida.. It was a dream come true.

I think one of the reasons I had to leave India was because I was worried about the end of my life. Nursing Homes are few and far between in India and they aren't for long term care anyway. Indian families are becoming more westernized but most Indians do take care of their elderly members and that is why there aren't so many old age homes. My brains seem to be getting a little confused lately and so I was worried. If I had had a stroke who would have taken care of me. A long time ago I worked in a nursing home and I remember the stark fear written on the faces of those who had had strokes and were now mute. I couldn't help but imagine myself in a bed somewhere in India. Or what about Alzheimer? I would definitely need a lot of help.

The rent on Section 8 housing is 30 percent of your income. There is a living room and a bedroom...450 sq. feet with kitchen. They feature wall to wall carpets. Central heat and air, range, frost free refrigerator and cable TV outlets. There is an in each flat and a daily check, water, sewage trash removal and pest control. The front desk is open 24 hours a day with a wellness center and a social services coordinator. Weekly bus transportation to the market and lots of activities are planned each week plus an emergency pull cord And as if that weren't enough there is a wellness clinic there and you can have a pet. Really its like someone just made up the American Dream for the elderly. Outings are planned every week and I'll bet thry take you to the beach too.

It sounds like heaven but you can assume there will be lots of difficulties as Swami will not allow us to stagnate without lots of testing. I have to stop right now as I have a headache, Oh and if you need nursing care you can hire a nurse or even a maid to sweep the floor.

I could be the recluse I've always wanted to be or visit with the other little old ladies. I doubt if there will be any Sai Baba people there but you never know. There aren't any here either. Sounds great, doesn't it?

I would not go as long as my angelic sister wants me here with her and in that iventuallty I might even find section 8 housing in California as my precious neice Bethia, they are all named Bethia, Bethia is in Fullerton and really wants me to come. I would be close to many California Sai folks there in Fullerton as Tustin is right near. Thing is my Swami lives so deeply here in my heart that I really don't need to have Him outside too. Its even a bit difficult sharing my inner Swami with anyone out there,

Finding a Cave

The thirty years we spent at the ashram was not without results. Yesterday we had a guest for tea , a very old friend of my sister's, like back in high school. Nor only was she my sister's old friend but she is a very spiritual person having wanted ';only God' all of her life. She used a term I hadn't thought of before, the term 'pneuman' which we looked up in the dictionary right away. It pertains to the Holy Ghost or spirit and she told us of many experiences of her oneness with God throughout her life time. Frankly it made me realize the importance of having a spiritual teacher or 'guru' to help keep you on the right path swimming in the right direction, something that she did not have. Now, after dwelling in that 'oneness of God' all her life she is twisted up in her body and her mind refusing to even toss away piles of garbage and resenting the small cats who inadvertently cross into her yard to do their little business. Their owner climbs up on her roof in other words she's delusional.

I found that disappointing and of course made me wonder about the validity of a life seemingly lived in the presense of God.

Meantime I have made a few steps on my own. Have you heard of 'section 8 housing?' They are housing developments consisting of flats which can be rented for one third of your income. They are all over the county in every state and here the flats are called Petersbora. I called the administration for the building and they will send me an application. They sound too good to be true, If you get older and require some nursing care,a nurse is provided so you can stay out of a nursing home and in your own flat. Now I got this information on the phone and haven't even gotten the application yet bu I will certainly let you all know as it sounds like it might be helpful for Sai Graduates.. I would like to know, for instance, how to get on the various lists in different parts of the country.

Our spiritual friend yesterday said that she couldn't go there because she has such beautiful furniture which I guess can't be moved and a lot of good jewelry I shared my experiences with her in other words, my ego exploded.

'I lived in a small room about the size of the room where we are sitting, for 30 years. On the walls I had about a dozen old prints of Ravi Varmer paintings of Gods and Goddess. In the cupboards I had all my saris including the ones given to me by Lord Sathya Sai Baba to say nothing of a great laser printer and all my CDs and the books I had printed and sold.. I was told to leave my room in paradise and I took two pieces of luggage and locked the door on all of it. It was the end of Susan Caffery.'

My sister said, ' but you have the key and you can go back.'

I said, 'I don't want to go back because its a very hard life sitting praying 6 to 8 hours a day all scrunched up in the mandir. I think it's time to move on. I will apply for 'secion 8 housing' And the small room will be my little cave.'

My sister said, 'If you're not Susan Caffery,' who are you?'

I said, 'I am my higher self with very few attributes.'

There was a pause in the conversation and I felt like a fool for having said all that but.....maybe it's true. Maybe by forcing me out of my ashram cocoon I am now one of those beautiful orange butterflies I like to watch drinking the kisses from the little pink flowers on the vine which clings to the screen in back of my altar, Maybe I was saying the truth even though it sounded false.

Having gone through the birth process and being born into the west after a gestation period of 30 years, maybe it has worked. We'll see, won't we? He's bound to beat, to wriggle that nail until it comes out of the wall. God help me.

All I know is that if and when my big sister decides to pull out of her body, and I find refuge at Petersbora. I don't think I will be afraid because ' my rod and my staff, He'll comfort me and I will dwell in the house of the Lord my little cave,, forever.

Eat, Pray and Atmic Love

Finding and eating the right food can be a challenge for the newly arrived Sai Graduate. I mean newly arrived on this western side of the ocean. I hesitate to broach this subject because I personally have so many problems with food. With diabetics I cannot eat the mainstay of my diet, ice cream and as a veggie, meat chicken etc. is out. I did use to enjoy a tuna fish sandwich at lunch time. Now of course everyone is talking about fish oil being so good for the brain. The temptation is there.

I caved in to eggs. 30 years without an egg but now I eat them. At first I did feel that eating eggs was a hindrance to my meditation but my meditation is pretty much hindered to begin with. Just about everyone I know eats eggs and so when Dr. Tirupathi found that I was anemic I decided to do everything I could to remedy that and help my amnion system.

So now I eat fried egg sandwiches....once a week. I may try deviled eggs next as I used to really love them.

The idea is to push protein I think. My friend Carol reminded me that the soy products are really very good, you know like soy burgers and even soy steaks and stuff. I think they have soy pretend bacon and I could try that. My sister thinks those things are pretty repulsive. My sister eats her 'glog' every single day of her life and for the first three months here I did too. Glog is brown rice, some sort of black beans or faber beans, turnip greens and whatever. My taste buds get sick of eating the same old thing all the time although we have all heard our Precious Swami say....the best way to control your food intake is to bore the taste buds to death. I'm not sure that He had actually tasted my sister's glog when He said that. I mean maybe on the astral He did but not in a bowl right here in this house. Anyway its hard for me to get the stuff down now without a few changes like for instance you can add veggies and take out the beans. Course now we don't have a complete protein but at least we have lunch,

I find food to be a bloody bore now that God took away my ice cream. Its hard to see the point in eating at all. Life sucks. Oh dear, I'm getting too western.

I had problems in India too because chilies seem to eat away at my stomach. That meant I couldn't eat in the South Indian canteen or even at the North Indian canteen I use to pig out on pasta and had potatoes every day, some kind of potatoes. Not exactly the best diabetic diet. Potatoes, or pasta and two kinds of vegetable from the western canteen brought to me by sweet precious Nagamuni. Ah, those were the days. And sometimes I'd get Sathyapa to bring me five rupees worth of palack or spinach. Five rupees would be five bunches which was a huge amount. I would cut off the stems and soak them in grapefruit extract while I was at darsan, before putting them in the pressure cooker. They were so good and that amount would last two days. Do you know how much we have to pay here in the west for palack? I think it is closer to five dollars which means 200 rupees. Imagine that. Anyway you have to be so careful In India with palack because our precious Swami told us that many people grow spinach in the sewers. That's why I soaked it so long,

My sister took me to a new market the other day called, 'Save a lot' and you really do. I bought about ten packages of frozen vegetables so now I'm set for awhile. I can eat brown rice but I have to parboil it. So now I'll add the frozen veggies and maybe a few beans. NO TURNIP GREENS, My sister seems to like eating bitter things. I like ice cream.

When I had cancer on my back I was in the Super Specialty Hospital for one month. It was simply heaven and as a matter of fact, I think it was heaven. Maybe I'll write about that one of these days. In fact, I wrote a little story about my adventure there so I'll just include it now if I can remember.

Where was I? Oh yes, every day I ate rice in the hospital. I didn't realize that I was allergic to it but the gas in my tummy kept accumulating until when I left they simply tied me to the top of the rick shaw and I floated home. OK I'm exaggerating but it did take me DAYS TO GET RID OF THE GAS. SO NOW I PARBOIL IT AND....NO GAS.

By the way, I'm on a crusade now to try to get youall to add things to this blog. To be honest this blog is the only seva I can do here at this time, being 75 and all. It's a pretty easy way to do something for humanity...a little something....a very little something, and youall could get a free seva ride by sort of encouraging Sai devotees to advise one another about this very strange place we are trying to live in. I'm not at all sure that humanity was benefited by this blog but....I think we get graded on our intentions.

Ashram is everywhere

Our area is very interesting because it is being shown on the nightly weather report as a 'tropical depression. Actually it looks more like a swirling galaxy with all the rain clouds and strong winds swirling in a north westerly fashion. This weather pattern has been sitting on our area for about a week now bringing rains gentle and incessant down over Fort Myers north on the Florida peninsular. It is actually very exciting because of the glorious lightning with it. In many of my children's books I communicate with the supreme Goddess through her great flashes of lightning.

When I was little, oh about 7, I was sitting having my lunch with Annie Mae in the kitchen when a 'Ball of Lightning came from the living room windows turned right and after being denied my head because Annie Mae pulled me out of the way. proceeded to turn right again zooming out the screened back door The Cosmic Mother was claiming me as her own I guess although if she had wanted to really claim me, Annie Mae wouldn't have been able to save me.

It's been lovely living in the Mother's Tropical Depression. The news media keeps saying that they expect it to head north towards the Gulf but She hasn't. Maybe it was her abundant energy here which finally got a grip on the oil spill.

But what ever the case I feel that we are all still living on the Ashram, Swami's ashram or the Mother's ashram: it's all the same. Shiva and Shakthi are one and the same and Satchitananda is our only name is an often repeated expression from the Lord.

Yes the ashram is omnipresent, everything is a part of the Divine Lord, filled with His beauty and love. And we Sai Graduates are little instrumental Mandirs on His Omnipresent ashram. At least I know that is true SOME of the time but even if we think that way only a few minutes a day, it's a step isn't it?

I personally have taken so many of those little steps in the past 30 years only to then step backward again. When I really did live at the ashram it was easier to have sat sang so that I could be reminded of the correct direction and not drift backwards. It's more difficult out here in 'the greater ashram'. If only some of you would contribute your thoughts and experiences, positive of course, to this blog, we would enjoy the sat sang even here.

The wonderful rains are helping though I think. Perhaps they are purifying the air, washing away bad and scary thoughts which sometimes do get stuck in the mind and play over and over even when we really know they are 'just crap'. 'Crap' is a western word meaning 'chi' in India.

Today that lovely green vine surpassed the window in front of my altar, heading for the next window. It seems to be attracted to screening as it quickly covered the screen doors to the apartment and the back door to the house, covering them before I could rein it in. I had to literally pull it off both doors, pulling out its little finger tendrils and placing it in a different direction. I would never hurt it because as I realized just this morning,, it is the Kami Spirit. The Kami is the nature spirit in Japan worshiped by the Shintoists.

They set up little shrines in the woods full of sacred items like small mirrors and pieces of bark and leaves just to have a focus for their spiritual concentration. If you could possibly access my website, saiwonderland.net click on the book, 'spirit of brotherhood' and then in the first brotherhood book you will find the Shinto faith. I really connected with it I think because of a past life. Anyway there you will find information about the Kami spirit which I believe is in this heavenly vine. Every morning now I say, “Salutations dearest Kami Spirit'

Aug blog 6 brown and bare

So I put on my Mozart sonatas (the CD remains in my computer) looked again at the love vine growing in the window behind Swami's altar (it has yet to bloom the little pink flowers which look and feel like kisses) AND SIT AND WAIT THE THE BLOG TO ASSEND.

My sister suggested I write about the wonderful delightful green of the entire landscape around here. It's hurricane season, you know, but instead of hurricanes we have these gorgeous afternoon rains every day.

When I first came two situations had devastated the gardens here in St. Pete. They had had a terrible freeze last year and almost everywhere you looked there were tall dead trees and bushes making it look like a vast cometary. Besides that there had been a ...oh God how can I even pretend to write anything when even the simplest words have disappeared from my mind. Oh now I remember....a drought! Yes, drought as in the condition of this pathetic brain of mine. Well anyway.... between the drought and the freeze hardly anything was left (inside, after having to leave my precious India and outside)

Ah but the Cosmic Mother is now rectifying the abysmal condition of the landscape with her afternoon showers. Sometimes a slow kindly rain will drizzle all night accompanied by lightning. I told you it's the lightning capital of the world, didn't I? Anyway there have been such glorious nurturing rains that you can almost see the plants coming back to life and then growing beyond. Everything is growing and my sister's philosophy is to 'let go, let God' Between every two bricks, between the steps, the rocks and rills, between gates and doors, windows and on trellises, things are growing. They almost shout in happiness not only to be alive again but to be expanding and spreading their tendrils here and there. Who could bear to pull out the little weeds and pretty 'volunteers' seeking a chance to grow.

I suppose one of these days the craziness must end and the bushes and hedges will have to be in their proper boundaries, but not now. The untamed happiness is everywhere and really you can see the love vine stretching, twisting and grasping.

As you may know, I was a writer of children's books at the ashram. The occupation sort of runs in my family so much so that when someone asked me prior to traveling to India in 1974, what I would do with my time, I said I would write like my sister, brother, mother and father. I choose to write for children because I thought no self respecting grown=up would waste their time with my scribbles. Not entirely correct as even now I think there are three or four books for sale in the Trust Book store bearing my name.

It's been a tumultuous time, this past year and I haven't written anything but this blog This morning, however, a vague outline of a plot came to me after meditation. For years I created an alternative world for myself with my 'Bala Devi Adventure Books.' Bala Devi is a nine year old girl child who actually does live in the Brahmananda Purana. I thought that she was so wonderful and brave and good that (without asking her mother, the Goddess permission) I grabbed her and wrote 9 books about her adventures in India. Althought the last one takes place in USA. My higher self must have known that Swami would bring me here before I even had an idea myself that He would. Never mind.

Anyway I think I'll write this next book about another Avatar....Lord Ganesha!! I think He would get along swimmingly here in Florida. Don'r worry though none of this has anything to do with those of us forced into the position of having to 'come and go' rather than remaining in paradise with God. Our only wish now is to return to Prasanthi without this cumbersome body and never again to leave those Lotus Feet, the very life giving source of bliss.

August 4

I had a very long conversation with Carol this morning. My sister has this phone which is free for all calls made in the USA. It's really great. Now if we could somehow include India....the whole world would be like the ashram. It's bound to happen one of these days. Maybe I'd stop crying then. I still cry at the very mention of India even after four months. It was my life. Carol and I were saying that we both found India to be such a completely spiritual place, even the beggars in the street. Well, I said that, she didn't.

It's that spirituality that we miss so much. Truthfully I haven't felt much spirituality even at the center, and she didn't either.

But then this morning just a few minutes ago actually I saw an orange butterfly. You know when I was living downstairs in the apartment there were butterflies every where, mostly the orange ones so of course, SWAMI right? Well up here on the second floor, the beautiful green vine with the small pink flowers has climbed up to Crissy cross the window containing the air conditioner. It doesn't actually have any pink flowers so I was surprised to see the butterfly land on one of the leaves in the window. It made me so very happy and that happiness is what spirituality is all about isn't it? If we are looking for the Atma, that joy that blissful joy is certainly coming from Atma.

We were remembering India this morning as we spoke and I recalled the immense spirituality the bliss full state we actually lived in 24/7. Even when things were not going to well, like when there were no cheese pastries for supper (I can't believe I said that) the spiritual feelings were always there. In fact spirituality was so much of a constant that it was a little hard to concentrate, to focus on what was spiritual. Here, one small orange butterfly can bring such surprise and bliss. There....running for darsan, Sai Raming dozens of beautiful friends on the way, racing inside as fast as possible and sitting all kind of crouched together even before the vedic chanting started, would keep you completely engrossed in the spiritual world. Who knew it would ever stop and that soon we would be grasping at a butterfly in the window to feel Atmic Bliss. Who could possibly know.

But it isn't all so bad, is it? Spirituality is an inner state of being isn't it and at the ashram do we really appreciate all that bliss all the time..

I was told yesterday that my oldest friend, who shall be nameless, was told to leave the ashram. She had been there on the ashram possibly close to 40 years living completely alone in her little 10by 12 room in west 2. She was very much the enunciate having let go of all her friends and family years and years ago, Each morning we would see her rushing our to the vegetable sellers to buy food for her lunch, She never had a telephone, AC, a fridge and slept on a mattress made from coconut husks. Well, so did I and it was good for my back. Here in Florida my mattress is so high I have to use a small stool to get on the bed....really.

Anyway, I guess she's returned to New Zealand and my guess is that she'll stay there. Why? Because all of us love love so much. Oh yes, we all adore our precious avatar and couldn't possibly love Him anymore but the pure love of People and especially of children and grandchildren when it is no longer based on attachment is simply too sweet to put aside. My guess is that her wonderful family will wrap her up tight with their love and kisses and she will never want to leave them again. I could be wrong