Where is our Swami

I haven't written in about a month. My health hasn't been good, my brain neurons have been drifting off and Swami left His physical body. I simply couldn't write as my mind was so confused and my heart so full of sorrow. You know He made me leave Him, leave India almost a year before the passing of His body. Yes, I died first and then He left. My soul left, but my body kept on living. Then His body left and His essence, His soul is living. He is definitely still alive. After all He was omnipresent before His body died. In fact, I think He is more alive, stronger and more powerful now then before and all His devotees seem to think so to.

Unfortunately most of His devotees seem to want Him back in that frail form, the one that has given Him such pain and suffering for so many years now. Many of us remember the hours spent in the Hall in Brindavan, stairing at His bedroom window and asking Him to heal Himself. He didn't. He said then that He was not interested in using His divinity to selfishly heal himself EVEN THOUGH, EVEN THEN HIS HIP WAS CAUSING HIM EXCRUCIATING PAIN AND SUFFERING. He used those words. This excruciating pain never left Him from that day to the best of my knowledge and yet all the devotees want Him back in that poor body. Do they want Him back in His car-chair I wonder or do they want Him energetic and fit again. I assume they want Him to heal His body now although He never never did before.

HE has said so many times that that wasn't His body anyway. Was anyone listening? He even said that Sathya Sai Baba was not His real name. Did anyone listen? What is His name. ALL NAMES ARE MY NAME. How many times have we heard that.

I think one of the reasons He pulled out of this form was so that we might take Him seriously and SEE HIM IN ALL FORMS. Yet everything you read now after the passing seems to want disparately to force Him back into the frail body we all worshiped and adored. I THINK WE MUST TRY TO SEE HIM AS OMNIPRESENT.

I have a little game I have played for some time with His Sai Gayatri. I really shouldn't expose my heart this way. When I say, Saishwarya vidhade I plant a kiss on His cheek...ok, really on His mouth. Then when I say Sathyadeveya Dimahe (please forgive my terrible Sanskrit and by the way I always do the Rudram everyday in ENGLISH, I kiss His precious nose. You see I have a terribly flat nose and so I have always admired HIS BEAUTIFUL STRONG NOSE. I kiss it on my special framed picture and then Tano Sarva Prachodinah. I kiss His Ajna, His third eye because Sarva means all and His Ajna sees all. Ok Now we know after His passing, He is truly omnipresent. So I visualize the vegetation on earth, trees, rows of fruit trees, flowers. I visualize the mountains, Himalayans, Colorado, High Sierras...when I adoringly kiss His beautiful nose and I open my eyes and stare out the window at the glorious sky when I say, Tano Sarva Prachodinah because, listen, He is the sky and the mountains and the oceans and vegetation. He is, He is, you must believe it. The sun and the moon are His ear pendants. You know how we've been saying Shirdie is Shakthi, Sathya is Shiva and like that? Well now our Beloved Swami is both at the same time. He is truly Shiva and Shakthi, male and female together.