Now He is My Swami

Time is 5 am. I walked through the darkened living room to find a large pale spot on the carpet. When I looked out the window, there He was....the Shiva moon staring down at me. I was standing in moon beams and I knew it was auspicious.

You know several times before Swami's passing, I was thinking that we Sai Graduates should sort of strike out on our own, you know sort of worship the Lord in our own way. Then my health issues and HIS health issues and passing, interrupted those thoughts. Well, this morning after my ha ha meditation, I connected the dots. It is time now to worship our own divine precious Lord, as we feel the most comfortable

I have always loved the bhajans but this morning some of the old songs we've been singing in the senior center chorus, suddenly came back. 'I'll be seeing you in all the old familiar places that this heart of mine embraces, all day through' What is to prevent me from writing Swami lyrics to anything I want. What is to prevent me from saying the Rudram in english and changing afew words. What is to prevent me from worshiping HIM my divine beloved, any way I want to if I feel it brings me closer to HIM. Nothing

Course, you know me, I have to try to share everything. It's compulsive. That's why I'm blogging in fact.

My precious programmer, Madhu has tried to show me how to use 'ustream' It is a radio 'utube' for people who want to tell the world something. I think I'll try that. As a matter of fact I used a DART Taxi the other day. They have taxis for Medicare patients here. Anyway the driver had one of those Fox radio broadcasts on screaming about Obama this and Obama that. I told him to turn it off. He had a foreign accent and told me how this program proved the strength of out democratic country, I told him I didn't like all this hateful talk. So maybe I'll use 'ustream' to speak Swami's words of love and peace. I'll let you know if it works.

One thing about joining a center for worship is the fact that they do group seva, you know like dental and medical camps. Unified seva is certainly a powerful force but my health hasn't been good enough to join in the seva at the Sai center. I feel really bad deep inside when I'm not doing 'seva' for Swami because for all those years in India that's what I felt I was doing when I wrote all those books. I'm writing a book now but it is negative and dark. It's just not working. But our Dearest Lord fulfills our every need doesn't HE? There hasn't been a single walk I've taken outside this building when I wasn't blessed with a hungry homeless person asking for food or money. Yesterday at the center when we did the chorus, there were a few disabled people who needed extra love and attention. They were adult Down Syndrome patients and I was able to pour out a lot of Swami's love from my heart. HE provides all these opportunities.

So I'm back to the old idea of worshiping the Lord my own way, on my own. I know about the letters we've been getting from Goldstein about sticking with the organization. But I feel that it is more important to love Him in our own way, writing little songs, loving lonely people we find along the way. I somehow feel now after HIS passing that HE is more mine even though of course He has been all along....because we are one.