Doing the Lord's work

I was thinking about the days when I was a social worker for Los Angeles county. I think that even when I wasn't aware of it I was really working for the Lord. In the 60's I was a life long agnostic as were many of my colleges. I loved those people though unconditionally even when I didn't see the God in them at all. They were in need and touched my heart and I don't think I was ever happier. I was working for Swami even then.

But now I have a question. Was I working for the Lord or was the Lord working through me? Big difference, one is full of ego and one is full of surrender. I continued to be a social worker when I made my first trip to the holy land and I think that I realized early that He was working through me. I had a case load of very tough cases of child abuse and I'm sure I realized that I was really ill-equipped to handle such a load but I did and seemed to be helping the parents to do a better job with the kids or to allow placement. I had only recently graduated from college too so I had very little to offer to them but love. I always seemed to have plenty of that. A couple threatened to kill me but the unconditional love continued to flow. I didn't realize it was flowing from Swami..

When I decided to live at Swami's ashram, someone asked me what I would do with my free time and I replied that I would probably write. My parents were both writers and my siblings but I'm sure Swami set me up to say that.

That remark may not have come from any deep heart felt desire to write but now I see it was the precursor to a new career for me, writing books for Swami and not, as I thought at first, only a good way to pass the time.

Swami saw it as a good transformative tool to get me on the path of service. Yes, Swami was working through me even though I wasn't aware of it. At first I thought that I was working for Swami and was happy to receive the usual perks, special seating and closer Darsan. You know lots of people who work for Swami get special sitting; teachers, students, hospital staff and people who work in the stores. Of course the reason we value the perks is for closer Darsan. On festivals when it is so crowded only the people with special sitting can even get in to sit down and on ordinary days, as if there is any thing ordinary abut Darsan of the Lord Incarnate, on regular days we very often got to sit closer and just maybe were blessed with brief eye contact. That is the fruit of all fruits. I can remember leaving the Hall early on some days and having to somehow push through huge crowds in order to get out. Also there were times during major festivals when we were actually afraid of the crowds. Usually Shivaratri was scary. I recall several times when ladies got hurt. As a matter of fact, many times special seating didn't really do much good. With my bum knees it took me forever to get up and on my feet and the ladies in back would simply plow right over us. I think when I go back again I'll try to get a chair but....then I won't get that close Darsan. That's worth anything. But what were we talking about? Oh yes, working fort he Lord may be an ego trip but surrendering to the Lord who is working through us is not. Or is it? knows.