SWAMI'S SAI IDOLS

You all will have to bare with me as I just stumbled out of bed after a nice long sleep. It's seven a.m. And I usually write these things when it's still dark out. I haven't even done my prayers yet but this blog has been marching around in my head...actually since The Truth began to hit me while watching American Idol last night. I began feeling these little spurts of joy and a feeling of peace and contentment permeated the mind. It had nothing to do with American Idol...except that I do love these last three guys. Week after week we watch them go through this horrendous process as their peers drop out and they carry on. But still my own procession towards becoming an Idol has very little to do with that except that like them, I am eliminating attributes one after another..

I am not depressed. From time to time I glance around the inner landscape to see if I am and I'm not. My ribs feel as if they might be cracked...like my mind, my Drama Class and my Singing Chorus are drying up because it's summer and all the 'Snowbirds' fly out....but I'm NOT DEPRESSED. I AM HIS HAND MADE WOODEN PUPPET WAITING FOR MY NEXT ASSIGNMENT.

Depression has become 'all the rage' these days. Every time you see a doctor he will ask..are you depressed? The nurses...even the office nurses will get that sympathetic look in their eyes as they murmur...depressed? Are you depressed? So when you've had a whole lifetime of depression naturally you latch on to those sad feelings...'yeah, I guess I am', you admit....but it's A LIE...A DAMN LIE THAT THE EGO IS PUTTING OUT TO ROPE YOU IN.

Ok maybe little Susie is depressed but SHE'S DEAD. SHE WAS ONLY A FIGMENT OF MY IMAGINATION AND DOESN'T EXIST. You know for ages I have felt like...I wasn't a human being anyway. I've said it to a few people and they look startled and..in that same sympathetic voice nurses use...then who are you? I don't know...I always replied...Yeah right...neti neti..it's only neti neti, I don't know who I am, I only know who I'm NOT. I am not this little depressed Susie who is depressed because she's gotta die pretty soon, because her rib is cracked like her head, because the house is messy and she has to clean it, because the cockroaches have had a party in the kitchen last night...but she's NOBODY. SUSIE IS NOBODY.

I HAVE NO ATTRIBUTES ..I was a human being growing up so I know what a human being is. When I hit 40 my best friend died of cancer, I stopped being a social worker...losing that label...gave away the cars, moved out of the house, losing that 'home owner' label or attribute, gave my little dog to my sister, and left for India. Swami gave me refuge, thank God. Another 30 years passed during which I (He) created a different puppet with a different script for a different 'idol' with a whole set of new attributes...spiritual attributes, which I needed to develop...devotion, self control, patience, gratitude, an appreciation for the sacred. I was a different person all together with a different script but...I still felt deep inside, as if I really weren't a human being. Real human beings had husbands, children, grandchildren, houses, money but I had nothing. I was nothing but I pretended that I was a person, a human being. I was Susan Caffery, I WROTE BOOKS, I WAS GIVEN A FLAT IN ROUND HOUSE THREE, I SANG BHAJAN, I WAS MORE INDIAN THAN MOST INDIANS.

Then the Indian government (Swami) said...'sorry, no more long term visas, Miss Susan Caffery, you have to leave the country!' WHO, ME? How can you treat Susan Caffery like this? Don't you know who I am? I wrote all those books! The still small voice inside answered, 'No, do you know who you are?'

Stumbled into my poor old 86 year old asthmatic sister's house with TB and crippling arthritis, and a couple more bacterial diseases picked up on my travels and thought...'well, thank god I still have a family even after I denied having one for 30+ years because I was a sanyasi...But that didn't work out because the human being I thought I was after 30+ years of hard work praying 6-8 hours a day...wasn't welcome. I sort of elbowed my way into my sister's 'safe house' and was made to feel that it wasn't my safe house at all. So I stumbled out again. Very sick with disease and despair I found a small apartment and made it my nest. Didn't have much money, no car, no friends, no family, nothing...except a wonderful feeling that...at last after 75 years I was really independent...I was 'free floating'.

Little Susie stared a singing career, she started this blog, she began Drama classes, she became a 'singing star' at the senior center, she began a huge facebook for what she called 'Sai Graduates' for ladies, like herself sort of stuck between the East and the West who loved Swami and were trying to practice His teachings. But she still was depressed.

Why was she depressed? She was depressed because SHE CONTINUED TO FALSLY BELIEVE SHE WAS A HUMAN BEING TRYING TO GRATIFY THIS DAMNED EGO, TO BE A SUCESS, TO BE A SOMEBODY. AND I'M HERE TO TELL YOU THAT IT DOESN'T WORK BECAUSE IT'S A LIE, IT'S ALL A LIE, IT ISN'T TRUE. IT'S IMAGINATION!~

We talk bout Vedanta, about the absolute. We know the truth intellectually, we know in our heads that we aren't this person we've thought we were all these years. I have heard Swami say, so many times..'this is not my real form'...well of course HE wasn't only that form in the golden dress. HE IS OMNIPRESENT, OMIPOTANT, OMNISCIENT. HE IS GLORIOUS, HE is the GLAXIES, HE IS THE BEGINNING, THE END AND ALL BETWEEN AND YET WE SEEM DETERMINED TO KEEP HIM IN THAT LITTLE BOX. OH WE ALLOWED OUR OMNIPRESENT SAI TO SPRINKLE A LITTLE VIBHUTI ON PICTUES SOMETIMES AND TO MAKE SOMEONE WALK OR HEAL A CANCER BUT NOT MUCH MORE THAN THAT. We applauded His super human projects like the super hospitals and schools and water projects but mostly we loved Him because He was OUR SWAMI. I know I did. Well, He finally gave up, I think alittle disgusted, at our reluctance to see the glorious Kali Yuga Avatar as He really is....HE IS EVERYTHING! And now, we think He's going to come rushing back from His marble box and hold our hands again. He's going to say, 'There there, bangaru, I'll still be your mummy and daddy, you're not alone.'

That small form was not His form and this is not our true form either. Everything seen and seenless, is His form... He also use to say so often...'Sai Baba is not my name. All names are my names.' Well then, connecting the dots, my name isn't Susan Caffery either is it? And what about His attributes. He has only one attribute. He is the Divine almighty God, the creator of the three worlds, the light of all lights, love itself, the giver of life. I may not see these as my own attributes today but...maybe He's bringing me to that realization. In the meanwhile depressed Susie is dead and I face the present unafraid as I AM NOTHING AT ALL.

Do we still need a 'mummy and daddy?' Aren't we the divine absolute too? He said that every single day we should say...I AM GOD, I AM NOT DIFFERENT FROM GOD. I AM THE OMNIPRSENT GOD. THE SUPREME ABSOLUTE. I AM SATCHITANANDA, I AM KNOWLEDGE AWARENESS AND BLISS, GRIEF AND ANXIETY (and depression) CAN NEVER COME NEAR ME. I AM EVER CONTENT, FEAR CANNOT COME INTO ME.

If He told us to say these very words every single day..who's saying them? I know a group in Miami who can manage to say...We are God etc etc, but not I am God. Sort of takes the pressure off to really BE god maybe. Long ago I gave a song to Al Drucker with these words and he liked it and added another verse about being Truth and joy and all that too...but even though Swami said we must say these words every day or sing them...who is? And even if they are reciting these words, who is believing what they're saying. Maybe more than we know, maybe a whole bunch of Sai Devotees are marching along letting false attributes fall to the ground, burning scripts behind them on their way to becoming Swami's Sai Idols. I see myself now at this point as a little hand made wooden puppet without costume, with out features, with no script , with no name, ready to be thrown into the fire of consciousness. But Swami, that's just this morning, isn't it. I guess I'd better have my oatmeal and do my prayers anyway now while I wait for further instructions.

Singing Tour

Something told me not to write this blog this morning because it might stir up some...negativity...but...

I had a little free time yesterday and so naturally my active mind started up. Well, if He speaks through us and loves through us and all that, why can't we believe that He plans and creates through us too. And what about 'ego' you ask? I think I heard that question from the back of the room. Yes well, He's everything, right? He's ego and He's our obsessive planning but maybe we try to take the plan away from Him and run off down the street. But, it's all Him. Who's the 'only doer?' 'He's the only doer. Who makes mistakes?' Ummm, It gets confusing here.

Anyway...You're right I was planning this music group thing again.

I thought of maybe 6 or 7 ladies who have been in the Brindavan Overseas Bhajan Group and I'd name names except they would probably start shouting...'No no, we're not going to get involved with your projects anymore.' Most of them are pretty fed up with Susan Caffery's projects. Does that deter me? Well, I'm writing this blog aren't I?

I was thinking of using 'sound cloud 'but I can't seem to open the thing. It is a question of passwords and usernames and all that garbage. Well, maybe we could somehow conquer that and use it properly. I could choose 10 bhajans which I've recorded in English translation as well as Sanskrit and then 'they' could sing with my recording and record it again together...then the third nameless person could re-record it etc. until all 6 or seven ladies had finished it and then...we could practice it again and again that way..as we did in Whitefield...until it sounded perfect. What do you all think.? It wouldn't take much time to do this either. Or we could use skype or we could make utubes of us practicing even somebody else's bhajans. OK, does anyone have any other ideas?

I thought we'd try to have two 'concerts...one on His birthday which maybe we could do at the Ebell theater and one on Mahasamadhi day which we could do...maybe in New York . I thought of going as a group to Prasanthi Nilayam for Mahasamadhi day but I'm not sure if any of these ladies would want to do this. So far I've asked for like a half hour practice a week and one week end in California...and another in New York...which is a lot to ask isn't it.

Did youall see that utube or maybe a Vimeco on the small group of really old foreign devotees who got together in California and had a group discussion about their experiences? Maybe ours could be a two hour concert.because we'd sing...well I haven't thought that out but...See, I thought we could do bhajan, maybe have a couple of chorus songs in parts, even maybe a solo or two especially if our dear Dana Gillespie would join..she did sing with us when we practiced in the Rajmata's garden, remember? And our precious Jackie spoke just last week at Ebell theater so maybe she could speak again or someone could. And we could have a group discussion the way those other ladies did. I think it would be inspiring. There I did this blog I wasn't sure about and I'll sendout a few copies and pray you don't strt shouting about how busy they are.

I woke up Laughing

You know, I've thought all along that I wasn't living up to His teachings here in the States. I mean, 30+ years of His teachings and all I do is bring a few smiles to the wrinkled faces around here by my sweet singing. It makes me happy to sing but...come on, there must be another purpose to life.

This morning I realized it, I connected the dots; it's the U U church! Let me explain a few things. The church service consists of, ringing the Tibetan brass bowl to, I guess, clear the atmosphere, then to mark the gathering of the community and to remind us of the divine spark within us all, a chalice is lit as a symbol of Unitarian Univeralism. Then there is the sermon, choir sings an anthem, an offering is taken and a few hymns are sung. After that they do what they call,' Candles of joy, sorrow and transition. either silently or with brief sharing, marking those joys or sorrows or transitions you are personally experiencing in your life at this time, in the spirit of communal prayer and support, you are invited to come forward and light a candle. The minister stands at the base of the alter with an 'open mic' and a line of people talk to the audience about whatever they feel strongly about. HAH!! Swami's teachings to a whole church full of pretty intelligent older people who are kind of activists in society. WHAT A CHANCE TO TELL THE WORLD OF HIS VALUES AND TEACHINGS.

I haven't done it yet, just thought of it this morning...which is why I rose from my bed...laughing. OK let me explain a couple of other things. When I first got back to the States I thought of making 'Sai Graduates' a radio program on U Stream. I am absolutely retarded when it comes to computer stuff but I did manage this blog thanks to my dear programmer in Chenai. But I was sort of planning an alternative Sai Center for westerners who like to do stuff in English. I thought there should be a study group also during which we could connect Swami's teachings with our daily lives here in the USA, you know, 'waiting in super market lines' and stuff like that. So I ordered Roof's books from the Tustin book store...'Pathways to God' and I even read some of the books and realized they were really great, expressing beautifully in English Swami's teachings..and then I put them aside so I could work on this blog and face book.!

This morning I realized that by reading even just a few paragraphs from those books into the UU mic, I was sending Swami's teachings right straight into the world...straight into the world without any secondary interpretation...except Roof who is very bright and I think he was the convenor or something of...Prasanthi Counsel or something, wasn't he? I'm not good with these worldly facts! Anyway I trust him and I believe Swami blessed him and these books.

OK in the third place, President Obama just yesterday said that he personally accepted the idea of same sex marriage. This is a major game changer and opens the issue of personal morality in our society. I think same sex marriage is wonderful but that gays must uphold traditional values of fidelity and loyalty in their unions. So I looked up 'morality' in Roof's book and found my first sermon.

Roof says, 'The means to cultivate moral strength is selfless love. When we recognize that the same divinity resides in others as resides in ourselves we refrain from selfish action. By expanding our vision o encompass all (within the Atma) we are unable to hurt others. Love is the basis for the preservation and growth of society.

Swami concludes by saying...'Morality has to be grown in the heart by feeding it with love; then only can we have justice, security, law and order. If love declines among people, nations will weaken and mankind will perish.'

So you see, I will be reading His teachings to a church full of elitists, intellectuals, not to the already converted like at Prasanthi Nilayam . Who knows where this might lead! Maybe every Sunday I will be able to lend a voice to Swami's words, in fact...maybe we can all do this work! There are UU churches all over the country. Do each use this ritual? Are there open mics in each church just waiting for Swami's words to teach the American public?! My Gosh, He asked those MRI's those thousands of Indian Americans, 'Where are the Americans?' not a year before He left His 'bony cage' Could it be that this will bring the intelligent Americans to listen to Swami's values? Ok, I can feel myself climbing higher and higher on my bi-polar pole but...just maybe WE CAN CONVERT THE WORLD TO HIS VALUES AND ACTUALY DO SOME GOOD.

So take the phone book and look up, Unitarian Universalist churches and INFILTRATE THEM. Take the mic, Children of Sathya Sai, tell the world about the teachings of Sri Sathya Sai Baba...we can do this because..WE ARE THE SAME AS SAI...WE ARE GOD, SATCHITANANDA!!!!!

I'll be alright after I have another cup of coffee.

Singing Tour

Something told me not to write this blog this morning because it might stir up some...negativity...but...

I had a little free time yesterday and so naturally my active mind started up. Well, if He speaks through us and loves through us and all that, why can't we believe that He plans and creates through us too. And what about 'ego' you ask? I think I heard that question from the back of the room. Yes well, He's everything, right? He's ego and He's our obsessive planning but maybe we try to take the plan away from Him and run off down the street. But, it's all Him. Who's the 'only doer?' 'He's the only doer. Who makes mistakes?' Ummm, It gets confusing here.

Anyway...You're right I was planning this music group thing again.

I thought of maybe 6 or 7 ladies who have been in the Brindavan Overseas Bhajan Group and I'd name names except they would probably start shouting...'No no, we're not going to get involved with your projects anymore.' Most of them are pretty fed up with Susan Caffery's projects. Does that deter me? Well, I'm writing this blog aren't I?

I was thinking of using 'sound cloud 'but I can't seem to open the thing. It is a question of passwords and usernames and all that garbage. Well, maybe we could somehow conquer that and use it properly. I could choose 10 bhajans which I've recorded in English translation as well as Sanskrit and then 'they' could sing with my recording and record it again together...then the third nameless person could re-record it etc. until all 6 or seven ladies had finished it and then...we could practice it again and again that way..as we did in Whitefield...until it sounded perfect. What do you all think.? It wouldn't take much time to do this either. Or we could use skype or we could make utubes of us practicing even somebody else's bhajans. OK, does anyone have any other ideas?

I thought we'd try to have two 'concerts...one on His birthday which maybe we could do at the Ebell theater and one on Mahasamadhi day which we could do...maybe in New York . I thought of going as a group to Prasanthi Nilayam for Mahasamadhi day but I'm not sure if any of these ladies would want to do this. So far I've asked for like a half hour practice a week and one week end in California...and another in New York...which is a lot to ask isn't it.

Did youall see that utube or maybe a Vimeco on the small group of really old foreign devotees who got together in California and had a group discussion about their experiences? Maybe ours could be a two hour concert.because we'd sing...well I haven't thought that out but...See, I thought we could do bhajan, maybe have a couple of chorus songs in parts, even maybe a solo or two especially if our dear Dana Gillespie would join..she did sing with us when we practiced in the Rajmata's garden, remember? And our precious Jackie spoke just last week at Ebell theater so maybe she could speak again or someone could. And we could have a group discussion the way those other ladies did. I think it would be inspiring. There I did this blog I wasn't sure about and I'll sendout a few copies and pray you don't start shouting about how busy they are.

LOVE

Swami says: Love is God, where Love is, God is, love more and more people, love them more intensely, transform that love into service, transform the service into worship, That is the highest spirituality.

What do Unitarian Universalists believe? They believe 'in the motive force of love. The governing principle in human relationships is the principle of love, which always seeks the welfare of others and never seeks to hurt or destroy.'

There are ten principles listed on their card. Another principle is, 'We believe in the worth and dignity of each human being. All people on earth have an equal claim to life, liberty and justice...and no idea or philosophy is superior to a single human life.'

I can't give a direct quote but I remember Swami talking about the value of a human being and how it surpasses everything else in the world.

The U.U.'s believe in the ethical application of religion. They say, 'Good works are the natural product of a good faith, the evidence of an inner grace that finds completion in social and community involvement.'

This is their CHURCH COVRNANT:

Let us join hearts and minds in saying together our covenant, Our promise to one another in community. LOVE IS THE SPIRIT OF THIS CHURCH AND SERVICE ITS LAW. THIS IS OUR GREAT COVENANT: TO DWELL TOGETHER IN PEACE, TO SEEK THE TRUTH IN LOVE, AND TO HELP ONE ANOTHER.

I have found in their Sunday program and on the card given to me, words and ideas expressed by Swami. Every word every song is from Swami. I ask myself...were they here before I flew off to India in 1974 for the first time? Why didn't I see it. This same church was here, standing by the lake but I didn't see it because Swami was waiting for me to give me His grace. In order for the transformation to take place, and it has, I had to spend over 30 years praying at His feet. Too much karma, too many vasanas, too many wrong ideas which could only be corrected by meditation and prayer...corrected by the tremendous compassionate love of the 'Living God'.

I had heard all these terrible things about church goers. They were selfish, they loved money, they were prejudiced, they thought non believers would burn in hell forever. I suppose some church goers are like that...but not the U U's. UU's are like Swami, loving and broadminded, tolerant like Swami and compassionate like Swami. In fact, it's obvious that this is Swami's church. But even though this church was here in '74 with it's love and spiritual awareness, I needed the LivingGod. He says that when good men are afraid, He returns to earth as a human so that people can identify with Him and become transformed. I know from experience that this is true. I am truly sorry that those who come now won't have the opportunity of having Darsan of the 'Living God' but I know He will transform them also because He is the Lord incarnate.

A New Note

I'm warning you now that this may not be such a good blog. Woke up
with bad sinuses due to a change in the weather and couldn't even
remember the usual bhajans I sing each morning. A little brain dead
but hopefully the imagination will make up for it. I was thinking
about music groups and music programs for Sai Graduates and wondering
why we hadn't thought of it earlier.
First let me remind everyone of our beginnings... I was told to leave
India by that FRO in Parthi...(I can think of another abbreviation
more apt) which happened to many of us, and Swami's question to the
4 or 5 thousand Sai Devotees two years ago...”Where are the Americans”
Maybe it wasn't that many anyway I found myself here in Florida
wondering if by 'Americans' He meant those of us with similar
non-Asian roots who grew up with pop music and a liking for church.
I'm deliberately leaving out religious theology. I thought that
perhaps we 'Americans' might be able to share feelings and interests
not found in the present Sai Centers. When I returned after 30 years
in India, I was dismayed and disparately sad but also somewhat felt
safe and comfortable to be here in familiar surroundings. Oh and let
me explain the derivation of, Sai Graduate. I believe that our
precious Swami is perfect and His teachings are perfect so what ever
we received from Him is the perfect amount for our total
transformation because we are one with Him. We are 'graduates'
whether we are willing to admit it or not.
Ok, two things. For years and years in India we had a group called
the 'Overseas Brindavan Bhajan Singers and we sang in Brindavan for a
long time 'Under the tree' and also in Sai Ramesh Hall. It was the
best thing we did because we were included in the Indian singing group
there...separate but equal. We practiced in my room in the Brindavan
College Guest House and we were pretty good too, I think. When He
was in Kodai and Ooti sometimes we stayed behind and did a morning
bhajan and an evening program very much like a Sai Center. When He
was in Whitefield we carried on with a bhajan in the evenings. Many
people first started singing bhajans there as we were open to
everyone. Anyway it was a time full of miracles as was all of our
time there with the Kali Yuga Avatar.
So this morning dead brain or no, I as thinking how wonderful our
group was and if we could reinvent the group over here. Dana
Gillespie is flying around the country inspiring devotees wit her
singing, just maybe we could do the same. Of course her performance,
'Love the Love' is absolutely out of this world but...we could give it
a go, maybe. The ex-members of the 'Overseas Brindavan Bhajan
Singers' could morph into the American Sai Graduate Music Group.
Most of us live sort of in the Eastern half of the US from Main to
Florida but I was thinking that a couple times a year we could have
week long retreats (at my sister's huge old family home) and then
give concerts in various places like L.A., New Jersey, Atlanta, Miami
and elsewhere. I won't mention what the programs might be for fear of
alienating some of the singers because we are all rather opinionated!
Anyway, it might be fun and...inspirational. I would vote for English
...maybe with the Sanskrit and maybe a speech or a reading of Swami's
words.

Tracking the Ego

Ego is a tricky little so and so, isn't it. Have youall found that it
sneaks in behind your back and suddenly there it is in all it's glory?
I'm talking about my recent experience with 'it', which was only
yesterday.
I can really fool myself, or shall I continue to call it 'it'. I
thought I had discovered an 'aha' thing. Swami talks through me,
Swami walks through me, Swami creates through me, there is no 'me'
only Swami so I don't have anything to worry about. Swami is perfect
so...So I had this idea that a few of my musical friends could work
together and put together a Cd of Kararoki songs for Sai
devotees...all over this country...to use in nursing homes...with a
small booklet of the words. I had assigned a few people to this
project and told them how to start. Can you believe it? Ok well, I
knew that my highest position on my bi=poler had kicked in but I
hadn't connected the dots. The dots leading me to the real
culprit...EGO. So on one side of my brain I was reveling in the
discovery of my 'surrender to Swami'. I was nothing, I thought. The
me, the little insignificant wooden puppet...could be thrown in the
trash. Everything that the puppet was, really was only Swami. So,
feeling all warm and satisfied with my puppet self but with a heavy
hand I created, Swing with Sai. I felt so good about the project that
I was not aware of the elephant ego in the room expanding for all it
was worth.
When I told this new 'aha' to my friend Fran, she said. “OH yes,
Susan and the wonderful thing about this puppet is that EVERY ONE IS
HIS PUPPET AND HE IS WORKING, TALKING, SINGING AND CREATING THROUGHT
EVERYONE in the WORLD. I paused and the warm feeling of being
'special' dimmed just a bit. Yes, of course I murmured before going
back to the idea that He was using me as such a great instrument.
It wasn't until this morning that the ugly picture came into my
mind's eye in meditation.. By then the ugly elephant in the room ego
Was plainly visible. OMG, Swami, it's tricked me again, I thought and
ran to the computer to blog it, thinking it might have relevance for
many of us poor souls who live alone and have no one to bounce things
off of. That's one reason for this blog. Also I use it as my
psychiatrist my friend, my companion, sounding board and...Swami.
Fortunately Akash and the others, are old friends and have been
through many a huge imaginary project, with me before. They don't
even bother to answer my frantic e-mails as they know that I do get
over these things. Sorry guys, thanks for 'hanging in'. Oh and let me
apologize to precious Divya who actually listens to me and even
follows my suggestions sometimes. Yesterday I asked her to take some
material from my website, Sai Wonderland.net and make a UTUBE...which
is always my ultimate ego trip. Fortunately the idea was pretty good
as Swami's Village Integrated Project is one of His very best projects
and besides it has nothing at all to do with me, and is worthy of any
kind of publicity.

Ugadi - Report From Parthi

Sai Ram,

The crowd has left. There is plenty of space in Kulwant Hall. The weather, which warmed up a few degrees for several days, is back to normal of 33-34C (Low 90’s).
Lovely days with a nice breeze at night.

What is strange about this time of year is that the weather is hot and breezy as if it is summer while leaves fall from the trees as though it was autumn.

A quick moving thunderstorm went through the area about 3 a.m. on the 31st. A modest amount of rain and slightly cooler temperatures.

People are gearing up for the many holidays in April including Rama Navami, Tamil New Year, Vishnu and especially the one year Anniversary where a large crowd is expected.

Wednesday – March 21 to Thursday – March 22. Rudram, bhajans, arathi and Darshan.

Friday – March 23. Ugadi. Happy New Year. It was Telegu New Year but also celebrated in other parts of India under different names. In the morning a Vedic scholar spoke about the significance of the new year (Nandanam) according to the religious almanac (Panchanga Shravanam).

Afterwards, university students sang a few Telegu songs leading to an Ugadi discourse by Sai Baba.

In the evening, V. Sriramachandra Murthy gave a speech about the significance of Ugadi from a Sai viewpoint. After which Nithya Santoshini gave a wonderful concert that lasted an hour. She sang in Telegu and Hindi with solos in Tamil and Gujarathi. It was moving and soothed us to peace.

Saturday – March 24. Rudram, bhajans, arathi and Darshan.

Sunday – March 25. Another Gratitude Program. This time is was by boys leaving Brindivan Campus. Again songs and words of appreciation as they poured out their heartful thanks to Baba for everything.

Monday – March 26. It was Rudram, bhajans, arathi and Darshan. What was amazing was as we were waiting for the curtain around the Samadhi to open, I saw Sai Baba’s face. It was very large, located in front of the mandir 1st and 2nd levels, even higher. He was smiling as he blessed the few of us that were there.

A little later, after the curtain opened a tremendous Shiva Lingam of the type used on Shivaratri white in color and as big as the whole Samadhi was seen for the entire bhajan session. As time went on, liquid flowed from the lingam down the front of the Samadhi where it became energy that penetrated the hall.

A smell of Jasmine filled the area in front of me as arathi finished.

Tuesday - March 27. It was Rudram, bhajans, arathi and darshan. However at 6:15 with bhajans being sung, Baba blessed me with a strong smell of Jasmine.
Tonight, one year ago, an ambulance pulled up to the residence and waited. It was dark. About 5 minutes later a late model car came closer to the front door. The person got out, went to the trunk, opened and closed it before driving away. Shortly, the ambulance drove away.

We learned the next day that those around Baba were concerned about his health so they wanted him to go to the hospital. Baba said “NO”.

Wednesday – March 28. Today was the day that Baba was taken to the Super Speciality Hospital. Of course, everyone expected that it would be temporary that he would return soon.

This morning during bhajans Surya blessed me.

Wednesday – March 28 to Saturday – March 31. Rudram, bhajans, arathi and Darshan.

Saturday – March 31. Sri Sathya Sai Primary and Higher Secondary School as well as Easwaramma English Medium School closed for a 2 month vacation. However, the university campus will continue until April 15th.

Exciting News. At least as far as I am concern. For a year people have wondered how the Central Trust would function and wondered if there would be adequate money to keep everything functioning as it was.

Word was released tonight that the Central Trust was willing to extend the Anantapur Water Project to include an additional 118 areas. It will cost between Rs 75-80 Crore which will be funded by the Trust. The original project was done in 1994. Trustees and other official met with the Chief Minister of Andhra Pradesh for approval so they can begin. There have been several other water projects over the years fund completely by the Trust. All of them were turned over to respective state governments for operation and maintenance.

Last Year - It was at this time one year ago, that the intense prayer and concern for Baba started. Word was that Baba physical body was in poor condition. If it had been an ordinary person, there would have been no doubt that the body was a goner. But this was the avatar. He could do anything at anytime. The body had been near death before and even dead and came back to life when all hope was given up.

Most people expected another miracle. Baba was teaching us. All life as we knew it changed and would remain in suspension until recovery. At this point, we waited and we prayed.

Baba Statue: The word is that a decision on the statue has not been made. Many people on the Central Trust and elsewhere are opposed to a Statue as it was not in keeping with Baba’s teaching to go beyond the form. However, it was understood that some people want a physical image to look at here and at their center.

At any rate, at this point there will be no unveiling of a statue at Anniversary or Guru Poornima.

Baba Miracle:

Prasanth Sai, an alumnus from Bhagawan’s University is currently serving Sri Sathya Sai Central Trust in its Vidya Vahini mission. What he wrote was condensed.
In 2007 a group of 6 students were learning the KP system of astrological predictions. We gave one of our charts for KP to explain specific areas such as profession, longevity, and education without mentioning the person.
One such day, Mr. KP asked, “Is he alive? We: “Yes”
Mr.KP: “Is he really there? Where is he? Here? Do you know him?”
We told him that it was my chart.
Mr.KP: “is there any specific incident that happened recently in your life? Maybe near Swam.” I said, “Yes”.
Mr. KP: “Do not see this chart anymore. Your life is in His hands. In this chart there is no longevity. Do not see this anymore”
The author of the article explained that he had a low blood sugar problem during early morning hours for several months and was unable to compensate. In a group interview, Baba held his hand which corrected the problem.

However, the real miracle was that he has no lifeline. He is in effect immortal as
Sai Baba made him his own.

The Western Canteen changed its Breakfast time to 7:30 to 9:00 & 9:30 to 10:30.

“Sai Grace” has been translated into Telugu, Tamil, Hindi and Marathi. However the middle section will contain some fresh articles. Telegu edition will be released on MahaSamadhi Day. The other issues will follow later.

Attached are remembrance of Baba’s last physical darshan, a quote from Sai and a picture of the mandir when there was sand in front (Year?).

An incredible 9 minute video of Baba giving darshan in Kulwant Hall: http://vimeo.com/39385142.

Passport-Visa issues. A column that appeared in the Deccan Chronicle newspaper on Friday March 31st called “Visa bloopers” by Shashi Tharoor. My thought was if people such as Tharoor were so aware of the unfairness of the current system and the inconveniences it causes for Indians and foreigners why hasn’t anyone done anything?

Seema Messages are “The Moment of Prayer”. The Breath of Love” and “The Power of Your Will”.

Thought for the Day
26 March 2012

People are bereft of gratitude, which is not right. One should be grateful for the help they have received from others as long as one is alive. There are two things you must forget: the help you have rendered to others and the harm others have done to you. If you remember the help you have rendered, you will always expect something in return. Remembrance of the harm done to you by others generates in you a sense of revenge. You should remember only the help you received from others. The one with these sacred qualities is an ideal human being. Love is God, love is Nature, love is life and love is the true human value. Bereft of love, one is equivalent to a corpse. Love even the worst of your enemies. Lead a life filled with love. Then you will experience joy, peace and security in your heart.

Baba

Thought for the Day
22 March 2012

Today, people's behaviour is not good because their thoughts are polluted. And because their thoughts and actions have become perverted, the country is passing through troubles and turmoil. People have filled their mind with thoughts of mundane, ephemeral, and transient things. These thoughts are negative in nature; only those based on Truth are positive. If the feelings and intentions behind your actions are good, the results will also be good. Sacred thoughts, good words, and noble deeds are the true human values. Thoughts are your permanent assets. As is the thought, so is the mind. If thoughts are good, humanity will blossom into Divinity.

Baba

Thought for the Day
28 March 2012

Your enemies are not outside. Your bad thoughts are your worst enemies and thoughts based on Truth are your best friends. But today, people do not befriend the thoughts based on Truth, which are essentially divine. Practise to make friendship with Sath, the eternal Truth. Sath means Being, the ever-present God. Worldly friends and enemies change with the passage of time, but sath is the true and eternal friend. This friend, God, is always with you, in you, around you, above you, below you and protecting you just as the eyelid protects the eye. Truth is God. Love is God. Dharma (righteousness) is God. When you worship God by following these principles, He will manifest Himself immediately. Love God wholeheartedly. Make friends with Him. You can achieve anything if you have God as your friend.

Baba

Rama Navami - Report From Parthi Dham

Sai Ram,

This was just supposed to be a special report so you can get a lot of Sai Photos. But it was decided to bring you up to date.

Sunday – April 1st. It was a great day to be a fool for God especially Rama as it was Rama Navami. Rama was born about 20,000 year ago, give or take a few thousand.
Because of his purity, he is still remembered.

In the morning, after 20 minutes of Vedic chanting there was a 40 minute musical program by university students of songs dedicated to Rama and Sai Baba with commentary.

Baba gave a discourse about the ideal life led by Rama and his brothers as well as
emphasizing the grandeur of the Ramayana.

In the evening music college students displayed their range of talents with Carnatic and Hindustani music and instrumental tunes.

Outside of the ashram, there was free food, Rama and Sita marriage was preformed and there was a procession in the evening.

Meanwhile Saturday – March 31 and Sunday – April 1 was the occasion of the first national retreat for all national and state office bearers of the Sri Sathya Sai Seva Organisation in India. It was held at Brindavan.

150 delegates convened to listen to suggestions and proposals from youth around India as to how to move forward.

This conference will lead to the strengthening of the Sai organization and the spreading of Baba’s messages.

Monday – April 2 and Tuesday – April 3. Rudram, bhajans, arathi and Darshan.

Part of the South Indian Canteen is being renovated. It remains open. We will have to wait to see what the improvement will be. There are rumors circulating about the canteen. They are just rumors.

Water – There is a severe water shortage in many parts of India and even where there is water some people are not getting enough. The Governments has asked businesses and organizations to help people receive water. In Puttaparthi, merchants have placed water containers outside with cups so that people can help themselves. I saw one merchant fill a Baba bottle with water.

Seema message: “The Smile of Faith”.

Thought for the Day
3 April 2012

As the heart is to the body, so is the place of worship (Temple, Mosque, Church, etc.) to the community. Worship of God through various festivals, construction of places of worship, etc. are all good deeds (Sath Karma). They provide training in service and create opportunities for sacrifice and detachment. However be aware that when there is the anguished cry for food and shelter, money should not be spent on construction of new places of worship; this is not to be encouraged. The same Lord is worshipped everywhere, and you need not build a temple for every new Name or Form. Tell people to see in all Forms and under all Names the same God. That is the training they need.

Baba

Thought for the Day
1 April 2012

Thousands of years have passed since the Treta Yuga (second quarter of time, the age in which Lord Rama was born), yet even now everyone, right from children to elderly people, remember the name of Rama. The glory of Rama's name has not diminished even a bit with the passage of time. This truth should be recognised by all. Rama is the name given to a form, but is not limited to a form. Rama is the never changing Divine Principle (Atma). Therefore, wherever and whenever you remember the name of Rama, He is there with you, in you, around you. Rama is the personification of righteousness (Ramo vigrahavan Dharmaha). You should also follow Dharma (righteousness); not the principle of Dharma that comes from the mind but one that originates from your heart.

Baba

Play Director

He directed the final performance yesterday in a phenomenal way. First
He had me write these peculiar plays about a bunch of old people
living in a retirement building who wanted to be young again. It was
really just about us and the drama group decided to do it, in fact
they decided to do both of the plays I wrote. I played myself, Susie.
There was a little stuffed dog named, little 'white feather', who had
powers and made us all young again for just enough time to realize we
were much happier being who we really were. We played with toys and
carried on, then became teen agers which was even worse. At the end
when we realized how wonderful it was too be who we reallywere living
in the present, Susie said 'we were lucky to have Saint Peter as our
patron'. A lot of what we said was impromptu as none of us could
remember lines or anything and carried the scripts in our hands. I
had a bunch of cards which I got all mixed up and said, 'and we have
our patron, Saint Peter to help us,' before it was time...Someone
said, 'it's too early for Saint Peter, a lot has to happen first' so
when it was time to say the line, I said … 'now can I thank Saint
Peter for taking care of us?' The audience loved it, every word got
lots of applause and lots of laughs out loud. So it turned out to be
pretty spiritual and made a lot of elderly people happy. Who knew?
How He pulled it out of the bag I'll never know. I frankly thought it
was a pretty stupid idea to begin with.
And the play was only one theme in the greater play. They took my
urine sample at the clinic downstairs and found a couple of strains of
staph...or was it strept, anyway something bad so they put me on a
really strong antibiotic, one full something or other every day.
Well, I'm old and frail and just got rid of TB which I brought back
from India. My body hated it and reacted badly with constant
diarrhea, stomach cramps and weakness. I took the shots for three
days...all by myself up here in this little cave of an apartment with
stuff shooting out both ends...sorry for that but I couldn't think of
a less graphic way to write that. They told me the injections
wouldn't be bad and I could still be in the play and sing the opening
song, A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes. The play was on Monday and
I was still really sick on Saturday so I refused the injection on
Sunday because Swami gave me a 'yes' you should try to do the play
and sing.
Even as late as Monday morning I was still telling the director I
couldn't be in it. It wouldn't have been a problem as the director
could have read my lines and someone else could have sung but Swami
had implied I should do it and my sister had asked her 'magic ring'
which agreed with Swami. So I staggered across the street to the
final rehearsal and it was OK. I murmured something about, 'bad dress
rehearsal, good performance' and someone said, 'once the adrenalin
turns on, it will be fine'. Guess who was the adrenalin. Talk about
just being an instrument, this was a perfect example. I was so sick I
could hardly stand up and...never mind about the bodily functions.
But then for the first time we were all ad libbing and enjoying the
whole thing and so did the audience! They broke up when John got down
on the floor playing with his grandson's toy truck. Someone said 'the
miracle was not only that John could get down on the floor but that he
could get up again. The whole thing was Swami's miracle.

Cock roaches

Well, I'm limping back to normal. I've been sitting at the bottom of
the pole for about two weeks this time, curled up on the floor. This
depression is like the dark matter of the universe and I feel as if I
fall into these black holes. It's terrible but I think it's in my DNA
because my grandfather use to write about his 'meloncholia' . I have
no idea how to spell that ...mellon...colia...anyway he use to write
about it. My father also got depressed but he'd had a heart attack
and had to 'sit out' the second world war so that's why he was
depressed. I was exiled from heaven which was very depressing to say
the least. But some people never get depressed. They get mad; that
was my Aries Mama. Daddy and I were Librans, always trying to figure
out where we went wrong.
Anyway this time the doctor, or nurse Practitioner, prescribed an
anti=depression pill and it seems to be working. For the first few
days it was like my brain was wrapped in cotton but slowly, slowly I'm
feeling normal again today. I have a feeling I won't climb as high on
the pole this time either which means I won't fall as far. But that
black hole is always there waiting to suck me down. It really does
'suck' as they say.
My meditation has gone from bad to worst. For awhile after I moved
into my little cave here, the meditation was pretty good; better than
it's ever been. I took that as a gift from Swami because of all the
suffering I was enduring. But as my life picked up and I started
doing stuff like acting and singing at the Senior Center, the
meditations were shorter and more difficult. I suppose that was just
because I had more things to think about, to interfere with the 'blank
mind'. Then when these depressions started the meditation became
hopeless. Everything is a gift from Him and so I waited for Him to
quiet the mind again.
When I was given the anti-depressant pills I was a little worried
because I thought they would 'un-focus' my mind but the opposite has
happened. Well, maybe my mind has not been 'focused' by these pills
but they have helped to create more of a witness to my own mind. I
have been watching it struggle to keep the thoughts out and this
morning I had a great idea.
See, we have cock roaches in the building. I've lived in India and
in my sister's house and here and a few other places in Florida long
ago and there have always been cock roaches. Of course it might be
because I'm not a terrific house keeper but I prefer to believe it's
because this is the tropics and everyone has cock roaches.
Controlling them is a constant fight. One has a few cans of Raid
handy to flit the little things when ever they crawl out. I say, 'God
bless you' and then 'zap' them dead...hoping they will go on to a
better life. So, this morning I pictured the tall bright yellow can
of Raid and whenever a thought would appear on the clear sky of my
mind I zapped it...and then zapped the picture of the yellow can. It
really seems to work. Swami use to say, keep those thoughts outside
the door of your mind and don't let them in. Well I can't keep them
out, they are too subtle and appear before you know it but...like lots
of tiny cock roaches, I zap them dead and then zap the zapper, the
can. Anyway, it really worked this morning and I had about the best
meditation I've ever had. I zapped that thought too!

THERE WILL BE NO STATE OF EMERGENCY FOR MY DEVOTEES

“THERE WILL BE NO STATE OF EMERGENCY FOR MY DEVOTEES”
Anil Kumar spoke about the students, who are always writing letters to Swami. These are letters of thanksgiving, of gratitude.
As a joke, Swami said to them: “You are all writing letters! Oh, too many, too many! Don’t write letters hereafter, OK? I shall not take letters hereafter. No, no. I don’t take because everyone is writing a letter.”
So Swami said ‘No, no, no, no letters.’
The boys said, "Swami, please."
I said softly, "Bhagavan, at least permit some letters that need Your immediate attention: Emergency – during a period of emergency."
Do you know what Bhagavan said? (What Swami says to boys is only an incident to convey His profound philosophy.) “Emergency? Emergency? There will be no state of emergency for My devotees. There is no state of emergency for My devotees. You don’t have to write to Me. If the situation is so dangerous, if you call it a ‘state of emergency’, I know how to take care of My devotees. I attend to their demands. I look after their necessities and needs. Don’t pick up this word ‘emergency’.”
There’s no emergency, so far as Bhagavan Sri Sathya Sai Baba and His devotees are concerned. What an assurance is His! What a wonderful thing He said!

I love Baba

Sai Ram,

I love Baba more than anything and as much as I have seen Baba walking around
at centers and other places where I was, there was never any doubt about Baba being with me. Sai has demonstrated many times that he knows all of my thoughts. He acts upon them before I take action.

When I returned to Puttaparthi, I went into shock. The physical form was not there.
At times as I sat listening to Rudram and bhajans, His presence was felt. Three times, (during arathi, during bhajans and after leaving the hall), I smelled jasmine. So there is no doubt about his walking about and blessing people.

One morning the vibration of his energy was so strong that I didn’t go up to the Samadhi. It came to me. It was not just to me but the energy went through out the hall.

It remains unfortunate that such few people are coming. My own experience is that it is completely true that Baba visits every center during their bhajans and other activities. He blesses everyone. Of this there is no doubt.

But the MahaSamadhi is the home of the greatest being to ever walk on this planet. His physical body was left behind so we get charged with his energy while Baba remains busy implementing the goals that he said would happen.

Meanwhile, I have felt helpless even with all the prayers I uttered until a few minutes ago, when I started writing. I guess I was depressed but it was more than that. I am better now.

I will write this report and afterward fill in with some other reports that are waiting. Look at the date to know what period it is covering.

Puttaparthi – Prasanthi Nilayam is and will always be the greatest place to be in the entire universe. Come now and enjoy the quiet.

As sure as I am writing, the day will dawn when thousands of new people will come to experience Baba every day.

Also, The greatest event in the advent of Sathya Sai Baba has not happened yet. Are you ready? Is the world ready? I am not sure if any one is ready but it will happen. While I am not sure when, It appears that it will be within the next few years.

I am leaving April 27th and will return on June 27th. I will remain here until the end of December when I may have to leave again.

The weather is great with temperature getting up to about 33 or 34 or into the low 90’s. During the night, there has been a nice cooling breeze.

The biggest surprise to me has been the institution of 50 and 100 Rupee coupons at the Western Canteen. You buy the coupons on the outside of the building in the middle. The cashier crosses off the amount of your meal. What is left over can be used the next time. If you have extra when you are ready to leave, your money will be refunded.

Contrary to some misleading signs inside the canteen, shoes are allowed.

Another major change was the price increase in the South Indian Canteen. Tea and coffee is now 4 rupees. Meals have also risen in price. But the canteen still remains the best bargain in town. There are also special arrangements to those who can’t afford to pay for food

One other major happening is that Kulwant Hall switched over to Summer Time in the afternoon. Entrance is at 4:30 with Rudram at 5:00, bhajans at 5:45 and arathi at 6:30 with darshan following. Morning schedule remains the same.

Outside the ashrams, several restaurants have closed for March and part of April.
However there are still places to eat. No one need go hungry.

I discovered that for those of you with foreign passports and love to travel by train that you have a right to demand a seat aboard a train by showing your passport a day before you want to travel. Many trains are full but there are seats reserved for foreigners.

I also discovered that the special train from Puttaparthi to Chennai is usually booked 2 months ahead of time.

Sai Baba has stated that he want Ati Rudram Maha Yagna performed in every country. So far, ARMY has been done in Malaysia and Thailand with China for next year. A group in Russia is planning one for the end on May. It status as of this writing is unclear.

For those of you who want to do an ARMY in your country, help is available.

An articles has circulated on the internet called “Sathya Sai Baba on 2012”. It is supposed to be an interview that Baba gave a particular person. It never happened.
The article is not true. There is no reason to fear 2012. In fact, I expect that as the years go on that it will turn out to be a turning point to Light.

For those of you who have been worried about Isaac Tiggrett, he is alive, well and healthy and in Puttaparthi.

Sunday – March 4. Outgoing Anantapur students presented a 45 minute Gratitude Program. With songs, poems and commentary as well as sharing personal experiences, their Joys, Love and knowing that Baba is always with them was expressed with every action.

Thursday – March 8. About 700 people from Bihar and Jharkhand arrived for a 2 day celebration of Holi celebrated with lots of color and enthusiasm. The evening program was a 50 minute musical concert by Kumari Jyotsna which I wished would had gone on for at least another hour. Her devotional musical opened our hearts and filled our souls. Baba presence was everywhere with the joy.
Bihar and Jharkhand led bhajans for 15 minutes before Baba concluded with his Thursday evening bhajan. It was nice having bhajans with a different rhythm.

Friday - March 9. In the morning was a palanquin procession outside the ashram resulted in many people being covered with different color dyes. All in joy and fun.
Many happy participants.

The evening program returned to music. Krishna Kumar Mishra with his troupe sang for an hour songs of Kabir Das and Tulsi Das as well as folk songs. There were a variety of instruments used.

Afterwards, bhajans were once again led by singers from these 2 states.

Attached are several photos of Baba including one with Jack Hislop as well as an except from Sanathana Sarathi.

There are also articles by Sara Pavan, Vinod Cartic, “A Lesson in Thrift” and “The Role of Women in the Home”.

In addition, there are extraordinary stories of Dr. Narottam Alreja who became Superintendent of the General Hospital in 1975 and left his body this past February.

Some of Seema Messages were: “An Undefeated Moment”, “God Knows Best”, “All Is Well”, “The Divine Message” and “The Way To The Heart”

Thought for the Day
15 March 2012

Many of you are drawn to God due to health problems or mental worry of some sort or the other. Know that these are mere baits by which you have been drawn closer to God, so that you may contact Him, receive His Grace and strengthen your faith in the Divine. Problems and worries are really to be welcomed as they teach you the lessons of humility and reverence. Today, the entire world faces many problems. Many hesitate to believe that things will improve and that life for all will be happy and full of joy, that the Golden Age will ever recur. Be assured that Divinity will always be present to protect and establish righteousness, and avert the crisis upon humanity.

Baba

Thought for the Day
14 March 2012

In the Gita Arjuna asks Krishna, "Is the mind so easily controllable? Even an elephant cannot drag one as the mind does; it is the nursery of waywardness, and its defiance, determination and obstinacy are very powerful. The mind will never halt at one place. Taming the mind is like capturing the wind or bundling up water. How can anyone control the mind or begin any spiritual practice with such a mind?” Krishna broke into a smile on hearing these words and said, "Arjuna! You have described the mind and know its nature very well. But it is not an impossible task; the mind can certainly be mastered. By systematic practice (abhyasa) and by relentless inquiry (vichara) and detachment (vairagya) - the mind definitely can be conquered. There is no task that cannot be accomplished by steady practice. Place faith in the Lord and practice with the firm belief that you have the power and the grace - then all tasks will become easy".

Baba

Thought for the Day
13 March 2012

Everyone is after happiness. The hunt for comfortable jobs and positions of influence, the founding of banks and business houses, the growth of bungalows – all this is evidence of the eagerness to live in happiness. But there is no real eagerness to live in peace. Happiness should not be confused with peace. No one rich, well placed, prosperous or powerful has peace. Peace cannot be found in passbooks or iron safes. You can investigate and verify this truth yourself. Peace cannot also be ensured by the piling of bombs and weapons. Mere terror and counter-terror will not establish cordiality and harmony. Realize that the physical is subordinate to the spiritual. The secret to peace lies in service and love towards all beings. International peace cannot dawn until the minds are cleansed of hatred and terror; remove these two evil traits within each heart and plant therein love and service.

Baba

Kashi Ashram

I've been having a hard time recently. Christine, the lady who worked
for me isn't working for me any more. It was a difficult relationship
because we were friends as well. I was very dependant on her to take
me places on the bus and also for shopping sometimes. After living
here for a year and a half I still haven't been able to do those
things without help. Fortunately there is the 'neighborly' bus which
takes us shopping every week but sometimes there are problems. There
is also a little store on the first floor if you're out of milk or
something. So I can make it. We went to the movies a couple of times
too. I always paid. We rode the bus out to see my sister a few times
but I paid for her time. It was like I bought her friendship and felt
weird. All the ladies here in this building are very independent and
most have cars and they are Christian fundamentalists, well, I don't
know how fundamental they are but I know they aren't Hindus! I'm not
a Hindu either, of course although I accept many Vedic beliefs...not
all but most. Atma, reincarnation, karma, I follow those teachings
and all of Swami's teachings. I figure 'help ever, hurt never' will
take you home right there. I wanted Christine to come once every two
weeks as this is a small one bedroom apt. and I should really do the
housework myself but she said she had to work twice as hard that way.
She really didn't work much at all and talked all the time when I was
on FaceBook or singing. Well as you can see, it was time to part even
though when I first came she was my only friend and sort of saved my
life. So I'll get someone else because my back hurts too much to run
the vacuum and do the wash.
Petty. Petty, really not worth writing about but all this started me
thinking about leaving my precious Peterborough apts.. I'd have to
explain it to St. Peter but people do come and go. So when I first
came back I was disparate to get out of my sister's house and somehow
found the name of this Ashram here in Florida; Kashi Ashram. According
to their home page it's very beautiful with a lake and a river and a
park with statues of the Buddha and I think Hanuman. They have yoga
classes and right next to it is a place for 'senior housing' They
have a guru who I believe use to be connected to Swami Ram Das who
wrote that book, 'Be Here, Be Now' It was one of the first books I
read. It seems that this lady is now fighting cancer but with her
healthy body, mind and spirit I'm sure she'll win.
It's too expensive for me, the rent is almost three times what I'm
paying here. I would love to live around 'spiritual' people again
but..I'm still afraid to take the bus to my sister's much less to
Sebastian Florida which is close to Fort Lauderdale. And yesterday I
went to Walmart on the 'Neighborly' bus and thought I was going to
die. I forget to eat and my blood sugar bottomed out. Had to get
someone to get me a wheel chair and get me through the cashier so I
could get to the bus. Oh and my blood pressure has gone way up...for
the first time...I think over this conflict with Christine. So I
should probably stay here where I'm safe. I sang 'Danny Boy'
yesterday at the Senior Center and brought down the house. I was
singing to 'Oh Sathya Sai', of course. There's going to be an Easter
Program too. Maybe someone rich could buy us Kashi.

Clearing away the trash

I've been depressed for a few days because I've been so frustrated
over the INTERNET. All of a sudden I can't even open google,my friend
and pathway to the universal mind. I try and I get a page full of
blocks and pictures of junk. I can't find my friend anymore. Then I
tried to open my very own facebook page, a place on the net where I
can talk to dozens of fellow Sai devotees and...they ask me for a
password. I look it up in my little book and they won't accept it.
I've done so much work over the years as saisusanc that I really
consider it more my name than susan. They didn't like it...it wasn't
correct. Not correct? How can you, faceless being, question my
validity? To hell with all of you. Well that started this house
cleansing thing I'm on this morning.
It's all imaginary, not even just virtual, it's imaginary. Face Book
doesn't exit period. In fact nothing does except Him. I did all that
work in India, all those books, songs plays and stuff. Where is it?
Make efforts to 'secure' it all on U TUBES and facebook, so people can
see it and use it but why? Believe it or not I did not italicize
that, He did so it must be important for me to read. All that stuff
was printed into 1,000 copies and given to the Trust bookstore,
15,000 books. It has either inspired kids or it hasn't but that's all
in the past. Those kids aren't even kids anymore. Are they better
adults now for reading about Frankie's Adventures in Sai Baba Land.
Maybe. I'll never know. Only He knows but it's time for me to move
on. And what about this FaceBook thing. I'll admit my ego was
bruised yesterday when they wouldn't let me in. I've considered it as
my 'kitchen' where various people gather to share their thoughts,
animal lovers, gays, right wing Indian politicians, Economists and
millionaires, Obama Activists, my precious California family of
singers and actors and runners, my fellow Sai Devotees, dozens of new
Sai Groups, Tibetan Buddhists etc. It was a worthy group but not only
was it 'virtual' but it doesn't exist, it's all in my imagination.
I'm not going to spend hours and hours with these people anymore.
I've even developed high blood pressure from all this and I still am
not able to create a U TUBE by myself. Post my own Bala Devi Books, or
even make audio files because...I can't even access my very own Sai
Wonderland Web Site in fact...yesterday I COULDN'T OPEN MY DOWNLOADS.
And I didn't mean to capitalize that either, He did it.
And what about the rest of my imaginary life? None of it is working
out. I found a nice lady who is a Sai Devotee but she has a job now
and we never got together even once. I'm not singing in Country
Classics at the center anymore...that terrified me so I stopped. They
are still doing my plays but...my mind has gotten so 'frail' that I
can't remember one play from another. I'm slipping and...it's great
because the only thing left to hang on to is HIM not google. There
were like 15 tornadoes yesterday in the mid-west with winds of 170
miles an hour. That would blow this 16 story building over into the
Bay...the building and all of us ancient Seniors who still cling to
our last little pieces of life in the unreal world. Yesterday I
visited with Hal, the 91 yr. Old ex- priest. He had just read a book
on theology and hated it. Wouldn't let me touch it. Said the only
thing important is the love between people, like the love we are
sharing now. 'True' I said

Pablum

It's 9:30 at night and I'm watching American Idol but...as much as I
love this show, I felt that I should put down my thoughts...even just
the beginning of a blog.

I felt like talking to people today and I have unlimited calling all
over the country so I spoke to Sally, Uma, Carol and even Rich....Sai
Graduates all. I have changed all of their names. Rich has been a
devotee as long as I have and we were in the same group back in 1974.
He said that since he's been back in the USA many people from the
early days have gotten in touch with him just to talk. I think since
Swami's transition, many of us have felt a little out of place. We
don't belong in India any more. Rich is has had a wealth of
experiences on this transformation path we're all on..
Sally is having the hardest time because she has been back from India
for less time than anyone, besides her mother is slipping. Now Sally
must stay here in the world and care for her mother. It seems to be
Swami's will. Fortunately Uma is there helping out. Uma really
doesn't have a family so together they will take this difficult
step.
Carol has been back here about as long as I have and she's doing
really well. She's also a bit older as I am and she has a Senior
center near by. She goes about every day and also she has a Sai
Center and there is a devotee to pick her up every week. Also her
daughter is very enthusiastic about how well and happy she has
become.
So Swami has everyone just where they should be and it's all perfect.
Naturally I thought of a big project to tie all of us together. Now
don't start with me about...letting Swami take care of it. I know
that but...how do I know that it isn't Swami who gives me these
ideas...huh? Maybe He's wants me to be an instrument...to tell
everyone what to do with their lives. It could be possible. Right.
So I had this idea. All of these ladies are musicians so ...maybe we
should do a circuit of say 6 or 7 big centers, New York, L.A,, Miami,
Tuscon, Toronto, San Fransisco, Chicago, and our little group could
visit the centers, sing 4 or 5 Swami love songs together, lead a few
bhajans, do a little skit about how hard it is to return home after a
long time, give a talk, and answer questions about living in Prasanthi
Nilayam. I wouldn't have anything to do with it but I could maybe
write the skits...I wondered if I should try to organize this and I
asked our precious Swami as I usually do. See, I have this little
kundalini energy thing, very subtle...and I know the energy is the
Lord so I asked if we should try to do it. If it's 'yes', there's
this small tingle..a 'no' is stillness, nothing zip. Nada, This time
it was nothing, zip, nada, no. The word 'pablum' crossed my mind. I
wondered why pablum came up. It is a cereal for babies. I have
sometimes felt I was kind of babied during the 30years I lived in
India, such a protected environment. Our little group of Sai
Graduates would be 'preaching to the converted'. We would be singing
and playing and talking to people like us when what we should be doing
is...extending our love and our wisdom to others, to humanity. We
need to be examples of Swami's teachings for people who don't know
Him. Not to convert them to Swami, of course but just to live to LOVE
ALL SERVE ALL. Swami came to save humanity and as we are like Swami, I
guess we have to broaden our horizons.

As I was doing my prayers...

As I was doing my prayers this morning I found myself thanking Swami
for Face Book. Even with the Grammy awards blaring on TV, I managed
to spend three hours with Susan Lawrence Caffery Face Book and Western
Sai Graduates. Then I read my new Time-line which is huge.
You know I read these articles about how people waste their time
writing about how they shampooed their hair and went shopping and all
those things. I find that Face Book is primarily my worship of
Swami. I spend hours and hours watching videos which have been posted
by dozens of different Sai groups which have spouted up. Several are
doing,'thoughts of the day', some post wonderful rare old photos of
Swami, some post their spiritual feelings and thoughts while others
get into discussions about His teachings. It is simply incredible;
the ideas, the music and His UTUBE Darsans, create a Sai world beyond
belief. It's really like being back at the Ashram and running into
various devotees on the way to Darsan. And another wonderful thing is
that interspersed in all this is the world. My wonderful niece who
lives and works in California is quite political and brings in
different organizations working for President Obama. I have a nephew
in Virginia who is a professor and teaches social psychology. His
wife, whom I've never met, is quite an activist politically and so we
have those organizations too. As this is such a crucial year with the
elections coming up I am glad to be a platform. Then our Face Book is
also there for various social issues like 'gay rights' and animal
welfare, vegetarianism and child abuse. All these things are terribly
important and as I believe our Swami is in everything seen and unseen,
they are a part of this spiritual perspective. It's sort of like Face
Book is a little stage and various people and ideas jump up on the
stage and share their ideas and feelings, then they jump down and the
next person or video or song jumps up to do their bit. It's so
wonderful!
As my name is on the top of all of this I feel that I have an
obligation to sort of be the 'mother' so I'm Susan Ama. There have
been a few times when people have used bad language or posted unseemly
pictures which I have deleted. It's kind of like saying...'OK, you
can feel that way if you want but don't bring that into my kitchen' .
And there is another aspect which has a great influence. It is sort
of a fusion on USA values and traditional Indian values. Well not
absolutely traditional but I think that some of the young men who are
posting are either Swami's ex students or are working for Him now.
Also some of His Anantapur students are posting and Swami wouldn't
like them to see things that are off-color. I feel Swami would want me
to be rather protective of them. Actually we are all doing His work
and that is our purpose, our very life which makes this FaceBook page
very meaningful. It's funny but usually the Indian aspect and the
Californian aspect don't interact with one another. Each group have
their own followers and I just sort of mother them along. My niece in
California has an absolutely fantastic family with a son who is a
professional actor and play-write and a daughter who sings at gigs all
over southern California so things are always not only spiritual but
lively and exciting in my Face Book kitchen.

Heathens and Pagans

I am not comfortable telling people about our Lord so I just never
mention Him to anyone. For over 30 years I was free to love and adore
Him openly, happily repeating 'Sai Ram' at every opportunity. I knew
in my heart it was a luxury that was only possible because I lived at
His Ashram. Even living anywhere else in India, openly flaunting His
precious name, was frowned on a bit.

So for about a year and a half I haven't been able to say, 'Sai Ram'
except for the few times I actually went all the way to Clearwater to
attend the Sai Center there. I do not have a car and so, I seldom
went. Oh and I was able to say “Sai Ram' on the telephone when I
spoke to my old Sai Baba friends who live here in the states.

Anyway, Swami finally sent a Sai Bhaktha into my life. I go to the
Sunshine Senior Center, as most of you know and am involved with the
chorus and with a drama group. A few weeks ago a new lady joined who
seems very nice. I was sitting across the table from her this last
Monday and she said, 'I understand you lived in India for a long
time.' You know everyone gossips about everyone else here, it's just
the way things are and I knew that was the prevailing story about me.
I have very long hair and I lived in India, that's what they say. I
smiled and said 'yes' and she asked where in India and I said
'Bangalore.' Puttaparthi is not a popular destination. She said,
'Oh,did you ever hear about Sathya Sai Baba?' I grabbed her finger
and we began speaking quietly about the Lord. She has been to India
and has had a few miracles happen.
I am overjoyed because this is a very Christian place. In a way it's
good because they love God and so do I ...as long as I'm careful and
don't mention Swami because that makes me a heathen. After all. most
of them have relatives who have gone to China and India to save the
heathens and here am I in their midst. As a matter of fact I think I
have a relative from long back, buried in Madras, I never looked her
up. I think seniors are getting 'READY TO MEET THE SAINTS' so they
tend to feel closer to the Lord. I could say that my Lord is the same
as their Lord only He has a different name...but it wouldn't do any
good. They base their belief system strictly on the Holy Bible and
you won't find our Swami there, at least not by name. So I never
mention Him. There's even one lady who said she didn't want to talk
to me even thought she thinks I'm a very nice person...because I'm not
a Christian. I may be the only non-Christian she's ever met except
for a few Jews. This new Sai Baba friend is Jewish, by the way.
We are doing two of my plays in the drama group. Somebody
said...'we'll read new plays if anybody wants to try to write one'.
I'd already thought about a TV series based on the seniors here, I
heard that there are 85,000 or something either here in St. Pete or in
Florida and there's a public channel now that does stuff from the
schools...their band and orchestra so I thought...what about seniors.
I also saw something on TV about how acting in plays has helped people
with Alzheimers. We're doing two now and I've written three more. It's
a huge project totally impossible except...if the Lord wanted to do
it...maybe, especially now with my new Sai friend. We all have to find
our own way to do seva and maybe this is mine.