Clearing away the trash

I've been depressed for a few days because I've been so frustrated
over the INTERNET. All of a sudden I can't even open google,my friend
and pathway to the universal mind. I try and I get a page full of
blocks and pictures of junk. I can't find my friend anymore. Then I
tried to open my very own facebook page, a place on the net where I
can talk to dozens of fellow Sai devotees and...they ask me for a
password. I look it up in my little book and they won't accept it.
I've done so much work over the years as saisusanc that I really
consider it more my name than susan. They didn't like it...it wasn't
correct. Not correct? How can you, faceless being, question my
validity? To hell with all of you. Well that started this house
cleansing thing I'm on this morning.
It's all imaginary, not even just virtual, it's imaginary. Face Book
doesn't exit period. In fact nothing does except Him. I did all that
work in India, all those books, songs plays and stuff. Where is it?
Make efforts to 'secure' it all on U TUBES and facebook, so people can
see it and use it but why? Believe it or not I did not italicize
that, He did so it must be important for me to read. All that stuff
was printed into 1,000 copies and given to the Trust bookstore,
15,000 books. It has either inspired kids or it hasn't but that's all
in the past. Those kids aren't even kids anymore. Are they better
adults now for reading about Frankie's Adventures in Sai Baba Land.
Maybe. I'll never know. Only He knows but it's time for me to move
on. And what about this FaceBook thing. I'll admit my ego was
bruised yesterday when they wouldn't let me in. I've considered it as
my 'kitchen' where various people gather to share their thoughts,
animal lovers, gays, right wing Indian politicians, Economists and
millionaires, Obama Activists, my precious California family of
singers and actors and runners, my fellow Sai Devotees, dozens of new
Sai Groups, Tibetan Buddhists etc. It was a worthy group but not only
was it 'virtual' but it doesn't exist, it's all in my imagination.
I'm not going to spend hours and hours with these people anymore.
I've even developed high blood pressure from all this and I still am
not able to create a U TUBE by myself. Post my own Bala Devi Books, or
even make audio files because...I can't even access my very own Sai
Wonderland Web Site in fact...yesterday I COULDN'T OPEN MY DOWNLOADS.
And I didn't mean to capitalize that either, He did it.
And what about the rest of my imaginary life? None of it is working
out. I found a nice lady who is a Sai Devotee but she has a job now
and we never got together even once. I'm not singing in Country
Classics at the center anymore...that terrified me so I stopped. They
are still doing my plays but...my mind has gotten so 'frail' that I
can't remember one play from another. I'm slipping and...it's great
because the only thing left to hang on to is HIM not google. There
were like 15 tornadoes yesterday in the mid-west with winds of 170
miles an hour. That would blow this 16 story building over into the
Bay...the building and all of us ancient Seniors who still cling to
our last little pieces of life in the unreal world. Yesterday I
visited with Hal, the 91 yr. Old ex- priest. He had just read a book
on theology and hated it. Wouldn't let me touch it. Said the only
thing important is the love between people, like the love we are
sharing now. 'True' I said