I spend my life these days trying to walk Puggles so she won't pee or poop in this room. Well sometimes it's OK but then it's really never easy.
I woke up this morning with my sinus thing plus the lower back pain. The first trip is 4:30 this morning was hard. By noon I had rushed her down the 15 floors in her buggy three times and I was running out of breath. At about one o'clock I smelled pee and found that she had gone in the bedroom and not on the paper either. I have a place set up with plastic bags and newspapers but this time she didn't use it. I was furious and haven't glanced in her direction for the past four hours.
I had been in pain, took Aleve and I guess I expected things to lighten up because I am not well. This made me think about how tough life really is. Who cares if you're not well. My sister is always saying that Daddy spoiled me. Mama tried to compensate by usually being tough. I could not see that he spoiled me. I mean he was always a sweet good person compassionate to one and all not just me.
But maybe she has a point. Daddy always made things better. I think as a result I believed that you could get an even break. That maybe there's a rose garden somewhere. So as a result I can see that I'm soft. I don't do well on the long haul. I always think that things are OK except sometimes when things are tough. Now I see that things are usually tough but sometimes they're OK. So you stay strong and prepared for the tough times just being glad when it's not so bad. That's why people are cautious and selfish and not so giving all the time. I on the other hand am almost always giving and open and trusting to a fault. And when on top of everything else you don't have a family, a husband or kids and you're on your own, things are really tough and you'd better be cautious. Then your precious Beloved leaves His body early after you have had to leave your homeland so it's more then sinus and lower back pain. Your heart hurts too. Maybe Daddy promised me a rose garden that never grew....accept for 30 years in India. . So every single day I'm rushing down the 15 floors on the elevator at least 3 or 4 times a day and that will never end. You still step in puddles of pee and sleep in a room with a urine smell. Forever and ever hallelujah hallelujah.
You know I've been writing these 50's pop love songs to Swami lately. One of them goes something like...'You're nobody til somebody loves you' With this kind of tough hard life I can see how having a significant other might be a wonderful thing, I mean if there were one other person in the world who was on your side, things would improve somewhat. At the age of 77 I know that's not an option any more. Even with the puddles I'm glad I have Puggles.. But the last line of that song had a twist, an 'inner' twist on it. The song goes, 'You're nobody til somebody loves you, so find yourself somebody to love.' I changed it to reflect the truth, 'You're nobody til somebody loves you, so search and find YOURSELF to love', Now that I'm having a tough day...as usual...and know that life itself is tough except once in a while, why the hell go on with it...why? Because I have found MYSELF to love and no one can take that away. My Daddy thought I was worth it and I am.
I woke up this morning with my sinus thing plus the lower back pain. The first trip is 4:30 this morning was hard. By noon I had rushed her down the 15 floors in her buggy three times and I was running out of breath. At about one o'clock I smelled pee and found that she had gone in the bedroom and not on the paper either. I have a place set up with plastic bags and newspapers but this time she didn't use it. I was furious and haven't glanced in her direction for the past four hours.
I had been in pain, took Aleve and I guess I expected things to lighten up because I am not well. This made me think about how tough life really is. Who cares if you're not well. My sister is always saying that Daddy spoiled me. Mama tried to compensate by usually being tough. I could not see that he spoiled me. I mean he was always a sweet good person compassionate to one and all not just me.
But maybe she has a point. Daddy always made things better. I think as a result I believed that you could get an even break. That maybe there's a rose garden somewhere. So as a result I can see that I'm soft. I don't do well on the long haul. I always think that things are OK except sometimes when things are tough. Now I see that things are usually tough but sometimes they're OK. So you stay strong and prepared for the tough times just being glad when it's not so bad. That's why people are cautious and selfish and not so giving all the time. I on the other hand am almost always giving and open and trusting to a fault. And when on top of everything else you don't have a family, a husband or kids and you're on your own, things are really tough and you'd better be cautious. Then your precious Beloved leaves His body early after you have had to leave your homeland so it's more then sinus and lower back pain. Your heart hurts too. Maybe Daddy promised me a rose garden that never grew....accept for 30 years in India. . So every single day I'm rushing down the 15 floors on the elevator at least 3 or 4 times a day and that will never end. You still step in puddles of pee and sleep in a room with a urine smell. Forever and ever hallelujah hallelujah.
You know I've been writing these 50's pop love songs to Swami lately. One of them goes something like...'You're nobody til somebody loves you' With this kind of tough hard life I can see how having a significant other might be a wonderful thing, I mean if there were one other person in the world who was on your side, things would improve somewhat. At the age of 77 I know that's not an option any more. Even with the puddles I'm glad I have Puggles.. But the last line of that song had a twist, an 'inner' twist on it. The song goes, 'You're nobody til somebody loves you, so find yourself somebody to love.' I changed it to reflect the truth, 'You're nobody til somebody loves you, so search and find YOURSELF to love', Now that I'm having a tough day...as usual...and know that life itself is tough except once in a while, why the hell go on with it...why? Because I have found MYSELF to love and no one can take that away. My Daddy thought I was worth it and I am.
Puggles sounds like a lot of love, support and companionship, but a lot of work, too! Being in a high-rise is difficult for dogs, and taking the trouble of going in the elevator so many times in the day would be a hassle even for a much younger person. As for your dad spoiling you, that is far, far in the past and in the meantime, there have been plenty of life's lessons that have hardened you up! So the far away past is irrelevant now, to a large extent.
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