I woke up the other morning thinking about my ego. I have always felt that I had much of an ego and absolutely no self confidence but there it seemed to be, an ego, staring at me.
“No ego, huh?,” my mouth said. Don't you feel superior to everyone else around because you've been with the Avatar for so many years. When you lived at the ashram didn't you feel superior to the people living outside? Tell the truth now.”
“No I honestly didn't, Mr. Ego. I always felt more fortunate, I had more grace and and a lot of graditude because I lived inside.”
“Did you think you deserved the extra grace?”
“Sometimes I felt deserving but usually I felt I needed to live inside and that He was being kind by giving me a place because I couldn't have managed living outside.”
“Ego! There were lots of people living outside who would have been better off living inside. Did they have less grace?”
“No, Mr. Ego, we all have the grace to live in the perfect place our Swami has assigned to each of us.”
“Well now you live many countries away from the form of the Avatar. Do you think you've lost all His grace.”
“Maybe I have.”
“And maybe He has given you another kind of grace. The grace to know He still loves you even though He's distanced you from His form.”
“Yes, maybe so, Mr. Ego. You rotten son of a gun.”
“You never liked me, did you?”
“No, I never did and I refuse to recognize you now, too”
“You can refuse all you want but here I am anyway letting you know you're not so damned perfect.”
“I swear I never thought that. I thought I lived inside because I needed to, because I was blemished in many ways.”
“Everyone has blemishes why should you be any different?”
“How should I know why.”
“Ok so now here you are living with the 'common herd' without a Sai devotee in sight.” Is that why you never leave your room, because you're so much better than all the other residents?”
“I never thought that.”
“But you are much better, aren't you because you're on the 'spiritual path'”
“I'm not better, just hear a different drummer that's all.”
“And " More of your non-existent ego. You don't even know the names of your neighbors after living here for six months. Tell me, Miss Miss devotee, how are you going to love all and serve all when you can't tell one from another and never leave your room?”
“Shut up, you don't exist, you're just my imagination....just like everyone else around this place.”
“Don't you wish. I think I've been too quiet for too long. How are you going to learn anything if you don't see your own blemishes.”
“Bite me!”
Dear Susan ~ I feel blessed to have been led to your blog by the "Google Spirits" through some roundabout process (the way one finds all the best stuff online!) Even though my time in India at Swami's feet so far in my life has been "only" two years, it was a very sweet time for me. I met you then, and, even though it has been probably around 15 years since then, can still see you in my mind's eye...
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to read of your health challenges, but glad you know what the problem is and are getting treatment.
You wrote: “Ok so now here you are living with the 'common herd' without a Sai devotee in sight.”
Swami has said that anyone who even believes that they themselves exist is thereby believing in Him. He has also said that anyone who believes in the Divine with any Name or Form believes in Him. I deduce from this that anyone who cares about anything at all to the point that it could be described as "devotion", even if it consists of devotion to keeping the "pet rock" clean and shiny, is a devotee and should be considered as such. There is really no such thing as "the common herd", and it is ideas like this that create so much suffering for humans and even for animals and plants, not to mention the air, water, and earth. Nothing is "common"... All are simply the precious organs, cells, organelles, etc. of the One Divine Body. What would you like to do for Swami? He is as close as you are willing to believe He is, and, likewise, His Devotees...
No common Planet:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_bnU6K1y468&feature=related
I think She would enjoy:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9cjD9lrtpdw&feature=related