#4 #5 # 6 ‘On Leave'

On Leave #5

Sai Wonderland West

Perhaps some of us would never have seen the west again if this new ‘visa demon’ hadn’t come along. I know I wouldn’t have. My only worry was, what if I had a stroke or Alzheimer’s, and who would see that I got down to the Chittravathi.

The very few westerners who were going and coming happily were viewed as having some sort of a perversion that made them LIKE the materialistic west. How could they actually enjoy being back there in all that decadence. Must not be very spiritual!

Well I’m here to tell you that the west isn’t decadent unless you are really decadent yourself and in that case the east would be too.. The entire scene depends on the perceiver. I have found that if you think about Swami, do a few prayers everyday and maybe hum a bhajan or two under your breath between TV shows, there is definitely bliss. You are in Prasanthi Nilayam.

Just where is this materialistic west anyway? Maybe its for rich people cause, folks, when you’re buying your clothes in a resale store and using ‘food stamps’ its hard to be materialistic.

It has taken me over two months to get out of the long cotton dresses I brought from the ashram. I bought four pairs of walking shorts and an equal number of tank tops from the thrift store and now I look like everyone else although no one else cares around here. No one stared when I wore the maxi dresses but I’m a lot more comfortable in shorts.

Did I tell you that it is definitely hot here in Florida? But see, I really don’t care. India was hot too and the dry desert heat literally burned my arms. Here I am bathed in perspiration and hey, one small breeze will cool me off.

Eating isn’t a problem either and I’m a diabetic. My sister has invented what she calls, ‘the glog’ not to be confused with, ‘the blog’. You just throw rice and beans and veggies into a big pot and let it simmer. By using canned veggies you avoid having to actually cook or use one of those ‘crock pots’ which is a lot of trouble. To tell you the truth neither of us care too much about what is going into the stomach as long as it’s fairly good for you. Old age will take away a lot of desirers materialistic and otherwise. Sometimes we add tomato sauce and sometimes we don’t and everything else varies according to the different kinds of canned veggies. we can find at, ‘The Dollar Store’ Our treat is a no sugar chocolate bar which we break off each day.

So is this the big bad materialistic West? I reckon I lived at an ashram too long to be materialistic now. My family never was anyhow. My sister’s desires begin and end with antique furniture which she can use here in this house or ship out to her various children,

It’s like whatever you are really interested in, inside, will manifest We don’t even hit the ‘yard sales’ anymore. To tell you the truth except for Swami’s darsan I feel as if I am still living at the ashram. only withTV. We live a very quiet life: she is writing a book and I’m blogging. We walk the dog and I read my prayer books, we went to church a couple of times and we went to the Sai Center last week. I found out they do a lot of seva with the homeless and I’d like to get involved with that. The weather is good and with the downturn many people are living on the streets in the city but not out here. Jungle Ave. is quiet, no pollution and very little crime. Again we’re reasonably poor so why bother with us.

You know I’ve been dreading ‘the west’ for years.

TIPACAL CONVERSATION

‘So, how long have you been living here in India, Susan?’

‘Twenty years’

‘Twenty years witout going back?’

‘Yep’

‘Why for heavens sake.’

‘because my pension is small. I only have one sister left and she doesn’t need me because she has 6 kids and dozens of grandchildren, and I really have no place to stay. Besides, I’m just not interested in the bad old materialistic west. I wouldn’t be happy living back, it’s not spiritual.’

‘Why do you like it here in India ?’

‘Swami, of course but also I have a place on the ashram’

‘But isn’t it up four flights’

‘Yes’ Good for me.’Besides I’m surrounded by Commandos with AK

47s and other weapons. Its still peaceful Prasanthi, though.’

‘Don’t the crowds bother you? 20, 30,000 people everyday, sitting long hours in cramped lines, queuing for meals, for the bank and for darsan.’

‘They do bother me somewhat.Sometimes when you’ve crunched up as tight as you can get in the darsan lines and the security girl tells you to make room for another line and its only 3:30 and you know He isn’t coming for another 2 and a half hours, You get bothered. Sai Ram,

But you know, this tough tapas has done the trick to an extent. I’m really less selfish and more self controlled. I really am grateful to Swami for the transformation. And, you know, I can only live here in St. Petersburg happily by knowing that it is temporary. If I thought I couldn’t go back to India I don’t think I could live with that. I love my sister but I belong at the lotus feet.

‘Don’t you know that the lotus feet are omnipresent?’

‘I love Swami with an without form, form and forrmless’.

On Leave #6

Atma Coming, going, staying

This is a difficult blog to write and it may not be the last word on the subject. I have decided to stay here in Florida at least through Swami’s 85th birthday because I’ve been through many birthdays and they are always so hectic that I ended up hiding in my room on the final days. This 85th birthday will be a cosmic extravaganza and no matter how good my health is, I would be staggering and falling all over the place.

So this morning I asked Precious Swami, the 64 dollar question.

Now Swami would never in a million years ever ever give me the feeling that He is rejecting me or anything. Even if it were true that now I belong in the west as my ‘India’ period is over, He would never tell me that because it would be the end of me. I simply couldn’t take it. I mean, I could not survive even a single day thinking that Swami was happy with my being away from my Ashram. It is ‘my ashram’ and always will be. I’ll let all of you come and go and enjoy His Darsan and so forth but the Ashram belongs to me so take that, Mr. Charavathi!

So I had to think of a clever way to ask without giving up my ownership, without any chance of rejection.

If the question, ‘Should I stay in the west?’ were to receive a positive reply, it could mean many things.

It could mean, ‘Yes stay there because you’ve accomplished all the spiritual progress you can in the 30 years you’ve been here, and that would devastate me.

Or it could mean, Yes stay there, your spiritual grace, your good spiritual karma has been used up…..devastation big time.

Or it could mean, ‘Yes, stay there and do something good for others for a change.’ But He knows how I’m always trying to help others even though I know He’s the only doer.

Or it could mean, ‘Yes stay in the west and take care of your health as you don’t have much time left.’ He’d never say that.

So after pondering this deeply I came up with: ‘ Swami, would it be the very, very best thing for me to stay here in Florida and not return until this colossal birthday celebration is over?’

And I got a ‘yes’.

That was five hours ago at 3 am.

At first I was blissful because I really do love it here where everything is so comfortable and my precious sister is so kind.

Then I got a little short of breath and felt a bit desperate.

Swami has been my ‘raisan d’ eter’, my reason to live for 30 years and a little bit more.

You know those black holes in the cosmos which suck in all the galaxies? I felt the earth moving under my feet..

And its only been five or ten minutes. How can I stand it for the rest of the year?

I began to reason with myself.

I feel as close to you, Swami right now as I ever did been in my entire life…..and…maybe…just maybe now, maybe He is, at last giving me more love in my heart to give back to Him.

Maybe there will be more intimacy not le ss. Maybe my progress towards knowing who I really am, will speed up, not stop.

MAYBE