Love Songs to Swami

I have always loved music. Mama sang opera and almost signed with an opera company in Europe when she met Daddy, married and had five children. When I came along I was an 'after thought' being ten years the youngest and while pregnant with me she developed a node on her vocal chords and that was the end of her coloratura voice. Everyone said I had gotten her voice but I have always had a quiver and so it wasn't so good. But I loved singing and I loved classical and pop music. When I was 'in love' with someone I always spent hours singing to them in my room so I knew all the popular songs of the day.

In 1974 when I went to India for the first time I didn't like the music. Indian music uses a different scale. In the west it's do-re-me-fa-so-la-ti-do. Indian music uses, sa-re-ga-ma-pa-da-ni-sa. The intervals between notes are different and it has never touched my heart. Also the bhajans are in Sanskrit which I never learned. I learned to love Indian classical music over the years but it was more or less an intellectual thing. When I did the books on Swami's 108 names, the Astotra, I picked out a Bhajan to go with each name and translated them into singable English. A friend thought that was a wonderful idea for Americans who needed to know what they were singing about.

So when I came back I asked the Tampa Bay Sai Center if they would like to use these English translations...also...in their collection. They didn't want them and there were a few negative feelings. I realized finally that Swami had written the leela for some purpose or other and dropped the idea. Anyway I needed to sing to Swami. I needed to express my love to Him in a heart felt way. I needed to hold His picture in my arms and 'croon' to Him from the depths of my poor aching heart. First I lost Him when I returned to the USA and then He left His beautiful divine body and I lost His form again.

I needed to sing to my Beloved and so I took many of those popular songs from the fifties and sixties and seventies and changed the lyrics to fit my own personal relationship with God,with the Kali Yuga Avatar, with my own Divine Beloved Lord. I did about 100 songs finding the lyrics and tunes on Google. Did you know that you can type the title of just about any song that became popular during those years and Google will give you the lyrics and a u-tube video of someone singing the song. I also sent a 'donation' to our public Television and they sent me...Magic Moments...songs from the fifties and sixties on a CD. So that's how I got so many songs

Then I had to change the lyrics just a little to make them fit. Most love songs are concerned with boy meets girl or girl meets boy. They hold hands, kiss, make out and it's either consummated or they get married or fall apart. My relationship with Swami wasn't like that, right? I spent 30 years sitting in the Hall or on the sand, waiting for Him to glide by and perhaps perhaps, give me a sidelong glance which would send me into ecstasy. No 'thrill', only bliss. No kissing, only a glance, no touchy feely, only a smile, No talking together, only my feelings of love. You can't sing of His feelings, only your own. It sounds limited but if you can remember the yearning and bliss with these old songs, it's wonderful. Now I spend many hours a day singing to my Lord.

I think I'll mention the new chapter, Usually I end my blog with one page but this last bit is important to the subject.

I moved into Peterborough and sat alone here for almost exactly a year before venturing out the front door. Christine, the girl who cleans for me,was my only friend. She really did almost save my life because I was very sick and very depressed. She is a God Send, also a very bright and intelligent person.

Across the street from Peterborough is the Sunshine Senior center. I went over and got a membership card with my picture on it but I was too nervous to go back. They have chorus and a Drama class, water colors, sculpture classes, yoga, exercise class, lectures on health, Jazz Band, and many other things plus a coffee shop and a dining room where you can get the same food as 'meals on wheets' gives out to seniors. It's a wonderfulplace and finally I got involved. First I joined the 'country classics' group and sat and listened to these very very old people singing solos. I thought to myself....30 years at the Feet of God and I should be able to do that. So I sang for about a month....every Friday...some old song but with out accompaniment. Well, I do have this voice I got from Mama and everyone clapped and said how wonderful I was. The bar was extremely low. One 95 year old sang every Friday in a monotone. But she sang! I just couldn't, 30 years or no. I would sweat it out for two hours before singing something I really didn't know very well and didn't know the key or really even the tune exactly. So I stopped. Who needs all that stress. The chorus is different. I've always sung in the chorus so I love it and it's comfortable. Besides people do sing alone there also so once a month I can sing a a song accompanied by the piano. It's enough to make me feel as if I am utilizing my talent and that's important. After all Mama gave it to me so I ought to use it besides after 30 years with Swami I owe it to Him to be brave and courageous.

So that's my career in music. But the best part is that every day I'm singing love songs to my precious adorable Bhagavan Sri Sathya Sai Baba and He fills me with such happiness and bliss I forget where I am.. If anyone wants some of these 'love songs to Swami' lyrics, you can let me know. saisusanc@yahoo.com. I think the few of us here in the states who still want to worship our Lord in English and in our own way, should be allowed to do so even if it's just in private. When I first got back to America I thought about organizing a group of westernized Americans but there didn't seem to be a need. I guess He wants us to get away from community worship and just be alone with the Lord.