I guess its a blog

I've been staring at the sky so there's a huge white cast over the keys now from my eyes and I can hardly see to type. There are lots and lots of scattered thin clouds in the sky this morning and it's easy to see Swami's face in them everywhere....but that's duality isn't it?

I realized after breakfast that, as usual I wasn't thinking about the Lord, so I tried to imagine His form sitting next to me. This is never satisfying to say the least. Then I tried to see Him in the clouds which pushed Him even further away and hurt my eyes.

Duality! Swami and I are one, right? But how to picture that. Should I think about His attributes? Hey wait a minute, if we are one or I should say,BECAUSE we are one, I could think about my own attributes. I don't want to do that because I want to think about Swami now. He tells us to think of Him every moment and than we will become Him. (I really should have thought this through before turning on the computer.)

This is easier said than done because I can't even think about Him at all this morning. Is there a way to picture the Lord inside us? Shall we wad up His entire form and try to stuff it into our hearts? He says not to do that. He says that we are inside Him rather than the opposite.

I'm not doing so well this morning. Maybe this isn't really a blog at all and I should just delet it. I don't have to do a blog every day! Still maybe these thoughts are worth pursuing. I have a feeling it isn't going to reach any tidy little conclusion, though.

We are IN Him. So He is this new spiffy apartment of mine which I love and which gives me such bliss to even walk from one room to another. Ah He is that bliss. So I guess I have to move away from His form again. He has told us a million times that He is not that 5 ft. 2 form in the orange dress but gosh that form is so precious to us. So much more beautiful than the scene out my 15^th story window overlooking the lake or this spiffy apartment.

But somehow I thought just maybe I could get past duality once and for all and KNOW that He and I are one. I just don't know how to do that. Maybe it is a transcendental state, maybe you have to meditate to reach that state, not just lounge on the couch. Yes but meditation is supposed to be a constant state, we should always be in meditation. Oh come off it, who are you kidding. Even when I am trying to meditate I'm not really meditating. Swami says in meditation the mind stops and there are no more thoughts so I guess I haven't really meditated very much, certainly not this morning when I kept falling asleep.

I wish some of you could help me with this. Its pretty easy to log on to this blog and express yourself. I knew this blog would end up this way because I don't have an answer or a conclusion....but at least I've spend almost an hour thinking about the Lord and causing you to think about the Lord too. Or to think about....thinking about the Lord because we haven't really been thinking about the Lord at all, have we? Maybe I should have just deleted this.