THE NEXT STEP

Well it is Christmas eve in this very Christian place and I'm singing Christmas songs before an audience at the senior center across the street. Am I a hypocrite? Maybe but I figure...one god and He is omnipresent, so I'm singing about our Swami. The seniors don't know that and at their decrepit age are singing these hymns with great feeling because they're getting ready for the last journey...holding on to their savior for redemption. I am also holding on to my savior for redemption although we wouldn't agree about the goal or the identity of the savior. They want the golden streets and Swami says it is a temporary residence and that they'll stay there only as long as the good karma holds out. He said once that even the black void that Buddhists crave is temporary...now don't quote me on that, you know I get my facts all wrong. Anyway I know that He did say that only mergence with the absolute is the final final goal. Which is why all of us, 'true believers' work so hard all the time. According to psychologists we all exhibit characteristics of the obsessive compulsive disorder...praying at certain times, using a particular mantra a set number of times, kissing the right cheek only on a picture we think of as the same as the absolute divinity. It's kind of crazy isn't it but which of us will admit it.

Many of us Sai Graduates have returned to the 'Promised Land' for Christmas. I dreamed last night that I was there in my room but there was no electricity...no current,

sort of dim and dusty. I'm sure that isn't true at all but evidently part of me must think so. My maintenance is paid up until the end of 2013 so I would have lights if I returned. I probably will return one of these days but...you know I feel as if I am cleaning up some stuff here. I think I've found some crumbs I spilled and I have to clean them up. I know everyone doesn't think this way. I remember telling my friend Marsha that I didn't have enough self confidence to even sing in a bhajan group and she said...just concentrate on the reality...that's all imaginary. Maybe I'm cleaning up crumbs by singing across the street. I was asked to be the music director for Christmas one year and almost had a nervous breakdown so I begged Sylvia Alden to take it. Well obviously she was suppose to have it, Swami said after Christmas that she had danced and sung very well. I got switches and pieces of coal in my stocking! But it's all perfect. Even though He is no longer in that 'bone y cage' she is still leading the Christmas choir while I'm over here singing about Jesus. It's all very strange. Do you think that by giving these old people a little bliss as I sing of Lord Jesus Christ that I'm doing Swami's work this year just as she is? Hard to understand but in a way I feel that it's all His work and it's the intention that counts. During my last days over there in India I was feeling as if I was not putting into practice His teachings...30 years at the Feet must lead to something beneficial to someone somewhere. But maybe not.

I was wondering now about my next step...what should it be. I think maybe the next step should be...to not take another step. To not accomplish anything at all except to love all and serve all where ever I am. Maybe we just have to continue to surrender and be happy with whatever He puts on our plate. Oh, Merry, Holy Christmas everyone