My New Blog

I feel as if it has been years since my last blog. It may be because my mind seems to be slipping now a little that I don't remember as clearly as I did. I had my phone and INTERNET disconnected last week by Verizon, for no reason and living without a connection to the world was strange. Of course I still had my newspaper and television but that wasn't a personal connection. You know, I believe that everything that happens to us on the outside is a lesson for the inner life as well. Like at Prasanthi Nilayam when the toilet wouldn't flush or the light blew out, those were always signs of lack of spiritualprogress. This 'gift' from Verizon may have been a sign of trouble with my mind, a loose inner wire or connection. So, I switched from Verizon to Knology as my provider. Maybe it will bring the highest knowledge. We hope so

In any case I feel as if I'm less connected now then I was last week. And I don't even have a good reason to feel that way except that last week seems so remote. I did have one good thing happen. I have spoken often of SPIFFS, the wonderful folk fare that my sister founded 37 years ago. It's still going strong and my sister is known as it's 'mother or founder'. I agreed to miss it last week so I could dog-sit Puggles for my sister, as Puggles hates to be alone and now there's a new rule against taking pets into the venue. So on the way to SPIFFS. Betty dropped Pugles off for me to take care of, We had a lovely time together catching up on all the affection I've missed. She hasn't missed out on any affection as she is really treasured there at Betty's house by everyone. Betty takes her out to the patio about every hour to pee and gives her pats and strokes every minute. She wont go out to the patio by herself and Betty must stay with her or she comes right back in. They say she is quite willful, like me so she is getting all the attention I wanted but never got. I just quietly moved out and got an apartment when the atmosphere at home became hard to take. Puggles just rolls over sweetly so they can scratch her tummy. I never tried that

Do you see what I mean about a lack of connectivity? Oh well, it's like nothing is as important now as it was even a month ago. I'd been looking forward to SPIFFS all year and yet so easily gave it up. They all went, my sister, her favorite daughter and her favorite grand-daughter Sara and her favorite great grand-child I am her only living sibling but still don't feel favored. I know that Swami is working on my attachments; one reason for returning to USA. He's pretty much detached me from India, from my family here and from my sister. That has been harder as she was my surrogate mother being 10 years older. When I was three Daddy had a heart attack and he and Mama were in Washington at Walter Reed hospital for six months while my 13 year old sister took care of me. She got imprinted on my psyche, but, dear God, you all have heard all of this so many times before. I know this is boring to you and I wish it were as boring to me but as you can see, it is still charged with emotion. He's working on it though. I've always used this blog as my psychiatrist. My programmer doesn't like it and when I throw in too much psychological stuff he calls me long distance from India to say that it's too depressing. Maybe I'll get back in the swing of things this week.