Birthday Blog

Yes it's true I made it through 75. years. I thought this was going to be my cut-off date but alas I remain.

Confronted the Lord again today with tears and reproaches. “Why, Lord, why did you finish me off like that.” (As you can see I've been watching too many TV detective programs. Last night stayed awake to watch Hawaii 5-0 and sat there sound asleep for half the program before I relegated myself to bed. ) “First you took away my books so I couldn't write anymore then you took away my Darsan bliss and then you terminated me by having me betrayed by your accommodations office. I'll never get over it and I'll never understand it. I was a fixture at Prasanthi, everyone always said....”you're more Indian than any of us.” I simply worshpped not only you, Swami but everything having to do with India. It was a little obsessive I'll admit. Why Swami why.”

And I began today's birthday with a good cry knowing all the while that it must be the best for me because you are the Lord and that things will be become clear. I searched for clarity and saw that my windows are full of sprays of Kami pink flowers and the wind bussed with beas , YESTERDAY A HUGE BLACK FRINGED BUTTERFLY FLUTTERED CLOSELY BEFORE MY EYES, MUCH TO MY DELIGHT. Anyway I'm going to breakfast.

WELL THAT WAS THE BEGINNING OF THE VERY BEST BIRTHDAY I EVER HAD IN MY LIFE. At Prasanthi some years passed with out even one “Happy Birthday” This birthday was an extravaganza and must have been manifested by the Goddess of auspiciousness herself, Sri Laksm

Have I mentioned my niece, Bethia? She is my sister's eldest daughter and a KINDER more generous and patient person never existed. She asked me what I wanted for my birthday and I said clothes so we went to Boley Manor our neighborhood thrift store and I bought about ten new blouses to wear instead of tank tops and a dress for the Center.. I thought that was a great birthday gift but little did I know what she had in store.

On the morning of this 76th birthday an enormous humongous bag was found on the usual place where I eat breakfast. In it were ALL the things I would ever need to set up housekeeping in my new flat. Can opener, utensils, knives, telephone book, pillows, dish clothes and EVERYTHING. My sister is already going giving me any extra towels and sheets she might have. I was bowled over.

Then we went to their favorite Mexican place for lunch, it was fantastic. Then we went home to a 'sugar free' birthday cake whipped up by my niece and 'no sugar' ice cream.

My sister is giving me a dining room table and chairs and my niece got out the trunk which contained bolts of fabric, to redo the chairs. In that trunk we found rust colored velvet for drapes and a beautiful table cloth and bed spread.

Then I saw a gossamer sort of piece of fabric with hand embroidered daisies and things. I said, “that looks like a saree” and I was right. I tried it on and it's the perfect width and length for a new saree for Swami's birthday. Mother Lakshi AKA my sister and my neice had fulfilled all my wishes plus some I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW I HAD,

Prasanthi Council

Michael G. Goldstein, MD Chairman

To: Zone Chairmen, Central Coordinators

Dear Brothers and Sisters,

Sai Ram!

It has come to our attention that a few Sai devotees visiting Prasanthi Nilayam from foreign countries have been incarcerated for remaining in India after the date of expiration of their visas. Please advise devotees in your respective countries that it is important that they depart from India prior to the expiration of their visas.

Lovingly in Sai service,

Michael Goldstein

Changing Times

People are forever asking me about the changes I've found here in this country since I've been back. Thirty years is a long time. Too tell you the truth I don't see that much has changed at all. I guess there are more people and so there are larger shopping malls and enterprises. But the Maas Brothers and Webbs City of my youth had already been replaced by Tyrone Shopping Mall when I returned from college. Now there are many shopping malls selling more stuff. I suppose if I had a lot of money I would be more interested in the stuff they sell but I'm really glad I don't actually. I never did go into Bangalore from Whitefield very much as it seemed to clutter my mind instead of attaching it to Swami and mantra. Not that keeping stuff out of my mind made me a better devotee. Swami is in charge of that department anyway. Swami always liked to talk about the farmer who would start his day with folded hands saluting Lord Suriya never to think again of God until sunset. Purity of mind seems to be the real issue.

Where was I? Oh yes, changes. The only real change I've found here in this civilized world has been the fact that we have so many black people moving among us. I left this country in the seventies and the benefits of the Civil Rights Movement had yet to become apparent in our neighborhoods. At that time black people in St. Petersburg worked mostly as gardeners and maids. In California things were actually moving forward but in the south we just never saw black people out of their neighborhoods on the south side of town, It has been a profound and welcomed change. I guess if the high school and college graduates wanted employment years ago they would 'go north' But now they can find jobs anywhere and if they are discriminated against they can sue, not just swallow hard and try not to cry or beat somebody up.

I feel strongly about this because to tell you the truth, I like black people best. I was raised in the kitchen with Annie Mae and she loved me. She always loved me every moment of the day and had time for me. I connect acceptance and warmth with Annie Mae and Rosalie. Swami used to tell the Anantapur girls to stay home with their children because otherwise their children would cry at the cremation of their maids not them. I was in India when Mama died and I don't know what happened to Annie Mae or Rosalie.

When I lived at the ashram I would often chat or sidle up to any black ladies I encountered. I was looking for warmth. You know, the blacks from France and UK were nice too but not like like African Americans. I really don't like that term very much by the way. My family came from Wales but I don't call myself a Welsh American. That was a long time ago and all or most of our blacks came or were brought over here in the 1800's, a lot longer ago than most Americans.

Our blacks fought their way out of slavery and won in the the Civil Rights struggle. All this has created a group of very aware strong people. They are perhaps friendlier, more open, more intuitive. and relate mostly heart to heart. I am so glad to have them around now that I'm back.. It's their love you know.

Going but not coming

Haven't been blogging lately as everything is in state of flux but what else is new. Of course we all know that actually we, our divine self or is it selves, is not changing at all ever.. You know, it's only 6 am and these ideas are beyond words at any time even after a cup of tea.

When I first started doing the blog I was a coffee person and that first large coffee, kick started the blog and the rest of the activities for the day. But my blood sugar is so weird that I began to realize that the coffee was making me feel irritable. Couldn't let that happen so I started drinking only tea, green tea.

This is great for the body but not great to write on. The blogs have been grinding down to a halt. But let's face it, the coffee or lack of it, is not the only problem. The real problem has been that....I don't think I will be going back to the ashram for a long time,, if ever. My connection with ashram life, ashram people, ashram issues like going and coming, has become less insistent. For one thing, there's my health. As some of you may recall, I moved inside my sister's house and back to my old childhood room upstairs. Climbing those steps four and five times a day has made me use muscles and stretch bones which now complain and voice even outrage.

At Prasanthi I lived on 'D' floor which necessitated a great deal of daily coming and going. Thing was, the steps were not very high and I could soldier on, taking only a few breaths between floors. These steps here in Florida are quite high amd my hips have complained to the extent that I've had to use a cane and take ibuprofen. The ibuprofen makes the mind more dull than usual and that stops the blogs. The hip also may close the door on India for me: the hip plus the incessant cough and the newly diagnosed bronchitis. Doctor said the stuff in my lungs could still be pneumonia or even cancer but we agreed that bronchitis is the best diagnosis as it is treatable with pills and inhalers. My sister did her pendulum and it preferred the bronchitis to cancer or pneumonia also. I don't know why we bothered with the cat scans and x-ays in the first place with the pendulum so readily available in my sister's desk top draw.,

So it feels as if another network of ropes has dropped over me preventing my return to India. I remember a picture of Gulliver being trapped by a similar net in a children's book long ago, preventing him from traveling.

But its really more complicated than that. Prasanthi Nilayam, my true home has become a dream place in my mind, almost a place of fantasy and I have become too real or too unreal here to fit in to that real or unreal world there in heaven. I don't know if I could change this form now, to become, become less what, less ego centered maybe. At Prasanthi everything is less well defined, less brazen. Swami has given me more of a personality since I've been back. I'm speaking up more. I wanted more self confidence but I wanted more confidence in the real self not the self who is republican or democrat, tolerant or racist. We watch a lot of TV and now with the election coming up my sister and I spend time shouting at the dumb political ads. “Don't people know that Bush got us into this sorry state in the first place?” Anyway it's getting light and I need my tea.

SWAMI INAUGURATES NEW DORMITORIES FOR DEVOTEES

Any one who would have taken a walk behind the ashram shopping center premises, about a year ago would be surprised and awe struck to see the present situation of those tiny sheds which were mainly accommodating Indian devotees coming to Parthi. They were just open halls with no bed or cot.

The sheds (halls) were small and could hardly accommodate 70 people. Devotees had to sleep on the floor and yes, there was hardly any one complaining because this is also one kind of PENANCE and for Swami we devotees can AFFORD that little bit of INCONVENIENCE... But for our Mother Sai that little bit of INCONVENIENCE did put Him in a bit of INCONVENIENCE which now has paved way to beautiful 3 storied dormitory complex.

Swami blessed these dormitories with His divine presence on the 11th of Septmeber around 6:30 pm. This was a moment of pride and immense satisfaction to those work force who were blessed give a hand to this divine manifestation. How fortunate it is to be blessed to build on of Swami's projects. This boon would be given only to those humble Vanaras who helped Sri Rama to built the bridge across the ocean to reach Lanka.

Many of the work men, were from the states of Bihar, Madhya Pradesh, Orissa, Rajasthan and so on. For many it was their first time to Parthi. Many were so busy that they only had darshan once or twice. For some it was their first darshan, when Lord Himself came to bless them.

By Swami's 85th Birthday, all the 10 dormitories would be funtional which will accommodate 5000+ devotees.

This will give a big relief to devotees who can't afford accommodation outside the mandir. More over, many devotees prefer to stay within the ashram premises, to enjoy that DIVINE ENERGY that is there in this Holy land.

This year is also a very unique as large part of India celebrated Ganesh Chaturthi and the holy Ramzan the same day. Very interesting thing to notice here. Muslim brothers and sisters celebrate Ramzan only after seeing the moon. Where as, Many hindus would not prefer to see this particular moon, which comes on the Ganesh Chaturthi day. Many Hindus feel seeing this moon will bring bad luck to them.

They will get more blame than fame . Well its all part of His divine play!!! Religions are many but God is one..

With Pranams at the Lotus feet of our beloved Lord,

Swami. Please give me a blog

I'm all set up now for Swami to give me a blog. I've got it all saved and everything. Now, where is it. I wrote one about a week ago but it was so negative my precious programmer wouldn't upload it. Didn't sound like a Sai Graduate because I was feeling like a Sai Failure. But today is a new day and there's hope in the air.

I'm sure I told youall about Peterborough, the subsidized high rise in downtown St. Pete. I thought I would be able to afford it and felt I really needed my own space. 30 years ago I struck out for India on my own because I wanted a place for myself. Mama told me that this house was a 'children's house' and I never had any children, or a husband for that matter. Swami knew that, of course and has been getting me ready to live by myself all these years. This will be for the first time, for me at least, He started the ball rolling by destroying my Indian life and almost destroying me. I hope this isn't too negative.

Ok we'll cut to the good stuff. My sister Betty and I went down to Peterborough for the interview. I was feeling a little nervous because I have so little money. The lady did some figures with her calculator and then said, “Rent would be 89.90 A MONTH. I almost gagged. 'This is supposed to be one third of my pension but that's less” I said. 'Yes but ….there was some explanation that I really didn't get nor did I want to argue of course. I'll take it,' I smiled.

She went on. “The Sunshine Center is right across the street for yoga classes and other benefits including a social worker on duty . The main library is also just across the street. You can use their computer as well as read the books. The flat has AC, a frig and a range and wall to wall carpeting. I think I've told youall this before.

'One thing tho', I murmured. 'The view from the east is of Tampa bay and the Yacht club. Any chance I could have one of those?'

'I don't think so, this flat which is available isn't in that direction.'

I was thinking how divine it would be to sit facing the bay in the middle of a hurricane. So I filled out the forms. On the way home my sister and I discussed it. 'If I'm only paying 90 dollars a month that's about 4000 rupees. I could afford to keep that flat and go to India once a year maybe!'

The next day I got a call from Sherril, the administrator at Peterborough. 'We have another apartment', she said, 'but it wouldn't be available until Oct. 'It has a view to the south and you can see some of the bay. It's on the 15th floor.'

'I'll take it' I said quickly. 'And October would be fine. My niece is coming down from the north end of September and we'd have a chance to visit.'

Look how Swami has been working this out. Pretty soon I will be in my own space, reading my prayers and just talking to Him. That's what I like best to do....just sitting quietly, looking at my favorite picture of Swami and talking talking. Somehow all the small and not so small difficulties just disappear. Well, not automatically. He's better than a psychiatrist. It works best tho if we are really alone as we were for 30 years in the round house at Prasanthi. And He doesn't seem to mind if I rattle on.