Real Devotion

Yes, Susanama, we must give back to Swami. We should consider Him as our father. There is no point in telling people. They are like lambs only, not Bangarus, they only follow and are not able to think out of the box. One day they will have to meditate on the Atma. All this service is for that purpose only. If we attain the state of realization we will be giving back to Swami, giving back to everyone.

You are free from all karma, Susanama.

Swami’s students should be kind to each and everyone, even if it is only one person they should have heart felt love and service for that person. This is spirituality, practical spirituality. There should be no obstacles, no complexes, inferiority or superiority.

We should approach Swami as we approach the sun. We should not expect anything from Swami who gives us everything. The new devotees come expecting relief from their pain but the old devotees should approach Swami as a father. He’s our friend, someone who is very very close to us; our personal God.

People suffer because of their extreme selfishness. No God can remove that suffering because God can’t remove our selfishness. Everyone should feed the poor, even if it is just one person.

True life is Rudram. What is the point in chanting all that Sanskrit? It is not enough to recite it. Practical application is needed, not just chanting. Lord Shiva can please lord Shiva. Only the heart can please Lord Shiva.

Below is the English translation of the Rudram done by the students. We can recite it every day as the meaning (English) is just as powerful as the word in Sanskrit.

Rudram Namakam

Salutations to the God who is Rudra, the destroyer of sin and sorrow

Oh destroyer of sin and sorrow, Salutations to Your anger and to Your arrows and to Your pair of hands

Oh Rudra! May that arrow of yours become kindest for all and that bow and quiver of arrows be auspicious and make us happy.

Oh Rudra! You have assumed a peaceful form, not terrible, a form that destroys our sins, You are tranquil and You give us the knowledge supreme.

You reside on the mountain of Kailash to enlighten us.

1

O Lord! Please make Your arrow auspicious to human beings. Let them not injure anyone.

Oh Lord of Mount Kailash, we pray in auspicious words to propitiate You.

May You make this entire world free from ills, may we live in unity and with good understanding

Oh Lord, may You speak in my favor. May you guide my speech. You are the foremost healer.

Oh Lord, may you destroy my visible enemies, like snakes and tigers and the unseen enemies like spirits and demons.

2

May You in the form of the sun, who is crimson, red, and orange, the bestower of welfare , be auspicious to us.

The sun’s rays surrounding the earth from all directions, are thousands of Rudras.

Let the blue-necked One render us happy.

Oh Rudra, you take the form of the red sun which rises and sets

The cowherds and the women carrying water behold Your majesty everyday. In fact, the whole world beholds Your majesty and is made happy.

Oh blue necked Lord with thousands of eyes, shower Your blessings on us.

3

I offer my salutations to you and to all who follow You.

Please do not hurt us with Your bow and arrows,

Oh Rudra may Your bow be without its string

May Your quiver have no sharp arrows.

May your arrows not pierce and your sword have very limited power.

Oh Rudra You are the one who showers blessings on us. Protect us from all worldly troubles with the weapons which are not for hurting us,

With Your weapons You liberate us from worldly ills ensuring that we have no injury or sickness.

End of first namakar

4

I offer my salutations to Lord Rudra who is the Lord of the universe.

Who is the great God

Who has three eyes.

Who destroyed Tripura the city of the demons which represents our ego.

And Who is the master of three kinds of sacrificial fire.

Who consumes everything in the fire at the time of destruction

Who’s throat is blue from swallowing the poison.

Who is the conqueror of death

Who is the glorious God of Gods the great God.

5

Oh Rudra, salutations to You who is the golden armed commander of forces.

Oh Rudra You are the Lord of directions and of the plants, animals and the trees.

You are the Lord of the trees of samscara, tufted with green leaves .

Salutations to You who is light yellow in color and tinged with red. You who are Lord of the pathways and who rides the bull.

Salutations to You who is in the master of food

and tormentor of sin.

And to You who is ever green, who wears the sacred thread and is well endowed and nourished.

6

You who are the shield against the phenomenal world.

Salutations to Lord Rudra who protects us with the unstrung bow.

Who is the protector of the fields, both physical and fields of knowledge, temples and bodies.

Salutations to the charioteer, who has no end and who is the Lord of the forests also.

You who are the crimson colored master and who exists in all and protects.

Salutations to the merchant, the master of the mantras, the Lord of all hidden knowledge, impenetrable and of dense clumps of thickets

7

Salutations to the Lord who has expanded the world and to the Lord of medicinal herbs.

Salutations to the Lord who hears the loud praise of His devotees and also the foes screaming with pain.

You are the Lord of the foot soldiers

Salutations to You who are always ready to rush to the rescue of virtuous people and who surrounds and destroys the enemies both external and internal.

End of second namakar

Salutations to You who subdues the enemies and strikes at them repeatedly.

8

Salutations to You who is attached to devotees.

You who are constantly moving, who is the Lord of the forests, wielding the weapon which destroys our undesirable tendencies and who is the Lord of the dacoits on the move at night carrying swords.

Salutations to You the Lord of those who steal our belongings and kills.

Salutations to You the holder of the bow and arrows who strings the bow and releases the arrows, stretches the bow which pierces the target and who is seated and reclining.

Salutations to You who sends arrows again and makes the arrows reach their target.

9

Salutations to You who is standing and running.

who exists in the dream state and in the state of complete wakefulness, who is static and dynamic.

Salutations to You who is the form of horses and is the Lord of the horses.

End of the third namakar

Salutations to You who can strike and pierce the veil of illusion in manifold ways and from all sides.

Salutations to You who exists in the form of shakthis that are benign and those that are fierce,

And to You who exists in the form of those who run after sensory objects.

10

Salutations to You who is the Lord of diverse groups and their leaders.

And to the One without form and the one with the cosmic form,

Salutations to You who is great and small.

And to You who has chariots, the gross and subtle body, and who is chariot- less.

Salutations to You who exists as carpenters and chariot makers and artisans.

And to You who are the potters and the black smiths the fowlers and fishermen.

Salutations To You who are the hunters, the keeper of hounds and the hounds.

11

End of fourth namakar

Salutations to You the source of all beings and the destroyer of all.

Salutations to You who is the cause of

dissolution and the protector of all beings.

Salutations to You who wears His hair in a braid and is clean shaven the many eyed one and holder of a hundred bows.

And to You residing in the mountain who is the inner controller of human beings.

Salutations to You who gives to human beings plenty of everything, who rains heavily through the clouds.

12

Salutations to You who is short and beautiful, and a very vast giant.

Salutations to You who transends time, space and matter and showers us with energies, the ancient one who grows in and by our prayers.

Salutations to You who is the primary and primordial leader, the all pervading one who moves quickly and speedily.

Salutations to You who is graceful and swift, like flowing and rushing waters with noisy waves and still waters in a stream.

Salutations to You who is the river-lets and water split by islands.

13

End of sixth namakar

Salutations to You who is the eldest and the youngest, and the primordial cause and subsequent effect. You are eternal youth and the infant. Salutations to You who exists in all gods, humans and animals.

And You who was born from the hind part of the body like the calves, and to You who was born from the roots like the plants.

Salutations to You who is our protector and who exists in vice and virtue.

And to You who controls death and grants liberation.

14

Salutations to You who exist in the green fields that need ploughing and the farm yards.

Salutations to You in the Vedas and Upanishads

Salutations to You who is in the forests and in the bushes, in the form of sound and its echo.

Salutations to You who is the warrior-hero and the destroyer of the ungodly foes. You who have armor, a residence and a helmet.

End of the sixth namakar

Salutations to You in the form of a drum, a drum stick, and the sound of the bugle. You who are one who never retreats and is skilled in reconnaissance with the auspicious trident.

15

Salutations to You who is in the small paths and the well developed highways.

Salutations to You who is in marshy places and in pools, in the ditch and the lake.

Salutations to You who is in the water, the river currents and the pool. And who is the water of the well and in the pit.

You who are the water in the rains and in drought and water in the seas.

You who are the water in the springs that do not depend on the rain.

And You who are in the clouds, the lightning and in the clear autumn sky.

16

Salutations to You in the rain with strong winds and in hail stones.

Salutations to You who protects our land and cattle.

Hara Hara Hara Hara

End of seventh namakar

Salutations to You who is accompanied by Uma, remover of the sorrow of samsara.

And to You who is the Lord of the divine nectar of bliss.

Salutations to You who has the crimson-red color of the rising sun and the golden hue of the sun that has risen, and who grants us happiness.

17

Salutations to You in all beings including animals that are fierce, whostrike terror at night and who strike from afar .

Salutations to You who destroys all at the final dissolution, and You who are the killer of the irreverent.

Salutations to You who exists in the form of trees and green foliage.

Salutations to You who is the OM.

And who helps us to cross the ocean of birth and death.

Salutations to You who helps us attain bliss and peace, earthly and heavenly.

Salutations to You who is more auspicious then all. .

18

Salutations to You who is present in Holy waters and in the idols on the banks of rivers.

Salutations to You who is on the other shore and this shore as well.

Salutations to You who has helped us cross the abyss of samsara through rituals and knowledge.

And to You, the cause of samsaric rebirth and the reaper of the fruits of karma. Salutations to You who tastes the fruit of actions and is in the tender grass and transient foam

Salutations to You who exists in the form of foam in waves and water.

End of eighth namakar

19

Salutations to You who exists in the form of river sand and flowing water, who exists in saline tracts, fertile lands and worn -out ways.

And in well trodden pathways.

Salutations to You who exists in rocky, rugged uninhabitable places as well as habitable places.

Salutations to You who has matted locks and curly tresses and who is easily attainable.

Salutations to You who exists in cowsheds, places of knowledge and in homesteads.

20

Salutations to You who reclines on couches in stately mansions.

Salutations to You who exists in the thorny, impenetrable forest places.

And to You who exists in mountain caves,

in whirlpools and in the dew drops.

Salutations to You who exists in minute atomic and invisible dust and in particles of visible dust.

Salutations to You who exists in dry fire wood, in green wet grass lands, in hard barren soil and in coarse grass and beautiful river waves.

Salutations to You who exists in the vegetation that is grown on earth.

21

Salutations to You who is in the rivers with swift waves, who exists in green leaves and dried ones.

Salutations to You who raises weapons against sinners.

Salutations to You who strikes from the front and causes afflictions that are slight and also afflictions that are serious that torment a little and also profusely.

Salutations to You who showers wealth.

And who resides in the hearts of the gods destroying the wicked.

Salutations to You who discerns good and evil.

22

Salutations to You who is all pervading, scattering Your enemies and meting out sure punishment.

Salutations to You who grants us desired objects.

Salutations to You who destroys our sins in all forms.

End of ninth namakar

Salutations to You who exists in the gross forms of those who have rejected the inner self.

Oh Rudra of the dark blue neck, You are the dispenser of all food.

You who make sinners lead contemptible lives and choose to remain poor even amongst all riches.

23

Oh Rudra, Lord of destruction, Lord of food, frighten not these cattle of ours. Let not even one among these relations and cattle be frightened, perish or get ill.

Oh Rudra, the expert physican for all the ills of the world, render us ever living and happy.

Oh Rudra we surrender our intellect. May we foster and nourish our intellect and mind by worshipping and meditating on You.

Let our attitude lead to happiness for all humans and animals and for all the members of this community so that everthing will prosper without disease.

24

May all the beings of this world be well nourished and free from disease.

Oh Rudra, we render obeisance to You. Confer on us happiness in this world and the next. You who have destroyed our sins, we serve and worship with our salutations.

Oh Rudra, By Your blessings let us obtain happiness and freedom from sorrow which Manu, our ancestor and father sought and obtained,

Oh Rudra, do not afflict the elders, the tender babes, the youth capable of procreation or the child in the womb./

And do not afflict our fathers or mothers . 25

Oh Rudra, do not in Your anger trouble our children, our sons, our life-span, our cattle, horses or our servants.

Protect the bodies of those dear to us.

And protect our children, descendants and our lives.

Oh Rudra, protect our knowledge, the cows and our life energies, the horses.

We shall serve and worship and salute you with these offerings into the sacred fire.

Oh Rudra, may your terrible form that destroys be far away from us and our cattle. And may that form of Yours that confers happiness be near us.

26

Oh Man! Praise the reputed Rudra who is seated in the hollow of the heart.

Who is ever wrathful, terrible like a lion, fierce and who destroys.

Oh Rudra, we are in these bodies that decay every day. Praised by us, may You grant us happiness.

May Your armies strike at others, not us.

May Your blazing anger at our sins and the keeness to punish, depart from us. Oh Rudra, please withdraw Your intention to punish us. We have offered You our sacrifices and prayers.

You are a bestower of blessings,.

27

Please make our sons and descendants happy.

You are the supreme bestower of blessings.

You are supremely auspicious. Be auspicious and bear goodwill to us.

Oh Rudra, place Your hurtful and threatening weapons in some tall and distant tree. Approach us wearing your elephant hide. Come bearing Your pinaka bow.

Oh Rudra, may Your thousands of weapons destroy others, not us.

Oh Rudra, in Your arms exist thousands of kinds of weapons.

Oh Lord, You are their Master and Lord.

28

End of tenth namakar

Please turn the faces of these weapons away from us.

The different Rudras live on the face of the earth

in thousands of varieties.

We shall loosen the bow strings of all these Rudras and deposit their bows thousands of leagues away from us.

There are Rudras who dwell in the sublime ocean and the space between sky and earth.

There are Rudras who are blue necked and have white throats and wander in the nether world.

29

There are Rudras who are blue necked and have white throats and dwell in the heaven.

There are Rudras who live in trees and are blue necked.

There are Rudras who are the color of tender grass.

There are Rudras who are Lord of all beings.

There are Rudras who are in the food vessels and distribute food and in the different varieties of drinks people consume.

Some Rudras are the protectors of the pathways.

There are Rudras who roam in Holy places with spears and quivers.

30

There are Rudras which have not been mentioned, the Rudras of the directions.

Salutations to the Rudras who dwell on the earth, iand and the atmosphere and in the sky.

Food and rain are the arrows of these Rudras. With my ten fingers joined, I bow to these Rudras in the east, the south, the west, the north and upwards.

End of the eleventh namakar

Oh Omniscient Divinity, we adore You Oh Lord ,full of excellent fragrance. You are the nourisher and sustainer of life.

31

May They make us happy

They whom we hate and they who hate us, I consign them into the yawning mouths of the Rudras.

Oh omniscient Divinity, we adore You. Oh Lord full of excellent fragrance. You are the nurisher and the sustainer of all life. As the cucumber is freed from the stem when it is ripe, so too liberate us from death and fear of death. Grant us the nectar of immortality.

Tryambakam, One with three eyes. The third eye is the eye of omniscience and infinite knowledge.

Yajaamahe, We meditate, we adore, we revere.

32

Sugandhim, Full of the precious fragrance of unlimited love.

Pushhti-varddhanam, Who nourishes and sustains all the forms at all levels.

Urvaarukam-tva bandhanaan, Just as a ripe cucumber drops off the plant effortlessly so too may I be freed of my bonda theges when I am ready.

Mrityor-mushily, Oh Lord, deliver me from physical death and death in the form of ignorance and lack of love.

Salutations to that Rudra who has entered into and pervades fire, the waters, vegetation and all the worlds.

33

Let us praise Him who has the auspicious arrow and bow. He is the source and repository of all the medicines in the world.

Let us worship Him for good thinking and understanding.

Let us adore and honor that Rudra with our salutations.

This right hand of mine is fortunate due to its contact with the idol. In fact it is more fortunate than the other hand. Indeed this hand of mine is a panacea for all human ills.

Oh death in the form of Rudra, You have ten thousand nooses to destroy mortal creatures.

34

I offer You these subtle sacrifices and offerings for complete protection.

Hail to death! Hail to death!!

Swahaa So be it. Amen. It means I offer whole heartedly without any reservations.

Salutations to Rudra and Vishnu, may they help me to cross death.

Oh Rudra, You remove the blockages or the knots of the life breath. You remove all obstacles in life and death.

Be pleased with my offerings and cast your benevolent and auspicious sight on me.

35

The Treasure of God (We are it)

• All about joy of creation
• story of the The Prodigal Son (we are the treasure of God)
• "a journey without distance to a goal that has never changed"

We begin the journey back

by setting out together,

and gather in our brothers

as we continue together.

Forget not the Kingdom of God for anything the world has to offer.

The world can add nothing to the power and glory of God and His holy Sons,

but the world can blind the Sons to the Father

if they behold the world.

You cannot behold the world and know God.

Only one is true.

God's Will has saved us,

not from ourself but from our illusion of ourself;

He has saved us for our Self.

[The world denies God.]

Let us glorify Him who the world denies

(for over God's Kingdom the world has no power).

No one created by God can find joy in anything except the eternal—

not because he is deprived of anything else,

but because nothing else is worthy of him.

What God and His Sons create is eternal,

and in this and this only is their joy.

VI.4 The story of the prodigal son --

when he came home, the father welcomed him with joy,

because the son himself was the father's treasure.

Your creations do not leave you, any more than you ever left your Creator.

[creations = extending love, light, joy, unity/wholeness (true healing),

eternity, unchanging divinity, real thoughts]

[a law of God: thoughts do not leave their source]

We cannot make ourselves unworthy,

because we are the treasure of God,

and what God values is valuable.

Our function is to add to God's treasure by creating more of it.

He would not withhold creation from us,

because His joy is in it;

we cannot find joy except as God does.

His joy lay in creating us, [we are thoughts of God]

and He extends His Fatherhood to us,

so that we can extend our Self as He did.

We do not understand this, because we do not understand God.

Creation is the Will of God; His Will created us to create.

Our will was not created separate from His,

so we must will as He wills.

An "unwilling will" is meaningless.

God's Will is thought.

It cannot be contradicted by thought.

When we think we are unwilling to will with God,

we are not thinking.

Yet our thoughts are so powerful that they can imprison the mind of God's Son

(our mind and that of our brothers) if they so choose.

This choice may make the Son's (true) function unknown to the Son,

but never to the Father, his Creator.

8.VI.8

There is only one question we should ask of ourselves:

"Do I want to know my Father's Will for me?"

J: Our function is to work together,

because apart we cannot function at all.

The whole power of God's Son lies in all of us

but not in any of us alone.

Our creations are as holy as we are,

and we are the Sons of God Himself,

as holy as He is.

Through our creations we extend our love,

and thus we increase the joy of the Holy Trinity.

You do not understand this,

because you who are God's treasure

do not regard yourself as valuable.

J: We cannot be separated.

"Whom God has joined cannot be separated,"

and God has joined all His Sons with Himself.

Can you be separated from your life and your being?

The journey to God is merely the reawakening of the knowledge

of where you are always, and what you are forever.

It is a journey without distance to a goal that has never changed.

Our heart lies where our treasure is,

as God's does.

We who are beloved of God are wholly blessed.

[a quantum thought:]

J: Learn this of me, and free the holy will of all those who are as blessed as you are.

[our true thoughts give all to all, share everything with everyone]

repeated, ruminated, and sent with love . . .

more information well it will have to be another e-mail

Dear Sai Graduates living in the world

This is an e-mail from my precious friend, Diane.

Jai Sai Ram Susan,

See you are utilizing your time to the utmost, despite the challenges! Swami had many purposes to bring us back here and we are all discovering our unique reasons. Yours make interesting reading and will be a help to many I am sure. Everything truly is,"good for me", as Swami says we should say, despite what appears negative thrown at us. We know that's when most of our growth takes place.

See you," back at camp", in July.

Much, much love,

Also this morning, I received a saved voice mail from another friend at the ashram, St. Joan. Many will know her just from that phrase and she’s liable to kill me for saying it. She misses me and loves me and I love and miss her too. Sooo much love and kindness there at the ashram but…there’s plenty love and kindness here also if you just keep your heart open!

I think I have turned a corner and finally rejoined the family, accepting responsibility for past mistakes and lack of kindness on my part. Also I’m trying to change my return ticket to July instead of December. And this next time if there is one, I will ask permission to return to Florida instead of taking it for granted. My best friend, Carol, will be returning on the same date and I hope that we can fly together at least on that long 15 hour flight from New York to Delhi.

This is indeed a lovely day made by the Lord. I saw a friendly squirrel and a large orange butterfly. Both were Swami in fact everything is Swami

More Later.

I went to the Unity Church on Sunday and received this affirmation in a quote from Louise Hay: “All is well, everything is working out for my highest good, I am safe.”

And on Monday I went to the beach. The waves were so strong that they almost pushed me over and I’m not soooo strong anyway. It was like kanyakumari in India, only no Parameshwari temple.

Back to Unity Church. This time there weren’t so many hugs and I was able to Nameste everyone with lots of smiles. I had a few nice surprises this week. I have a problem in India in that all the children….ok some of the children, stare at my sort of strange looking face. They never did that here in the States but those Indian kids actually chased me down the street calling, ‘Mukhudi’ when I was younger. I think that means ‘flat nose’ Anyway I’ve gotten use to all this but was not prepared for the same thing here. At church, a little girl in the first row turned around and stared for at least five minutes. I smiled and patted her head. Then on this Sunday that same little girl came running up to me and threw her arms around me. I think all along the little girl just wanted to be friends. It was a wonderful experience and I’ll never forget it!

A couple of other things happened too. A small choir of about a dozen people sang “ Dona Nobis Pachem, give us peace.” Well, how many of us know that! I think I’ve been singing that for over twenty years and for several Christmases. So as a member of the congregation I raised my voice….maybe a little too much but it was such a welcome surprise.

Something else happened too. Have youall seen the supplement in the Hindu newspaper which was on our Swami? It was fantastic and it’s made the email rounds. I took a copy with me to the church and approached the lady Minister with it. I said, “Please don’t think I’m proselytizing but I thought you should know about what Sathya Sai Baba is doing in India. We consider Him to be an Avatar.” Her face fell when I said that and I thought, “Oh Dear, I made a mistake.” Later I mentioned it to my nephew. He said, “she probably thought an Avatar was one of those blue aliens from that movie.” “Oh my Lord, I’ll bet you’re right. So I approached her again. “UMMM, do you know what an Avatar is?” She said she didn’t. “Well it’s a man who is born perfect, that’s all.” She was relieved!

So that was Sunday when I went to the Unity church.. The five tenets of the Unity religion are: 1. “God is absolute good and present everywhere.” Swami says, “There is only one God and He is omnipresent.” 2. “Human beings have a spark of divinity in them and they are inherently good.” Swami says, “Be good, do good and see good, that is the way to God.”

3. “Human beings create their experiences by the activity of their thinking.” Swami says, “Master your mind, be a Master Mind.”

4. “Prayer is creative thinking which heightens your connection with God.” Swami says, “living in God is true spirituality”

5. “Knowing the truth isn’t enough; you have to live the truth.” Swami says. “Life without knowledge of Self is useless just as a tree without fruit and fruit without juice.”

Anyway it was lovely at the church and so was their pot luck lunch. Oh their potato salad. It had been so very long.

OK that is what I did on Sunday. On Monday afternoon my wonderful nephew and his wife took me to the beach. The previous week they took me to the city where I marvelled at the new sky line of St. Pete and the sophisticated side-walk cafes along the bay front. There was nothing like that 30 or 40 years ago. Come on lets face it, it had been 50 years since I really saw the city. You want to know what else I noticed about St. Pete? Everyone is sooo fat.

The beach was a bit of a disappointment because there was so much wind and the waves were so strong I simply couldn’t go swimming. My nephew would race out past the breakers and find that it was calm out in the deeper waters. I’m sure we could make a lesson out of that if we tried. Something about getting past the worldly turmoil. I sat on a towel playing with shells while they sat on chairs. They marvelled at my ability to sit cross legged until I tried to explain about the usual daily four or five hours sitting, waiting for the Lord every day. The shells were almost all broken but some of their colours hadn’t faded. My white old knees collected a lot of vitamin D and now I hope they will work better. When I got home my sister splashed vinegar all over my back just like the old days. Now it is the next day and it’s no longer painful.

And today I called the Department of Children and Family Welfare and got the nicest lady after waiting for nearly an hour on the phone. In response to my letter they had written to me asking for various proofs of eligibility. But I found out one good thing. Your passport is just as good as a birth certificate. That might be good for you to know also. The $500 a month pension I get from Los Angeles county made me a ‘crorepati” in India but here I can apply for assistance. I wonder if at 75 years old I could get a job as a social worker again. I loved it so much.

Anyway you know I don’t have any teeth and so maybe the

Medicaid card will entitle me for new ones. I’m going to try anyway.

Oh, by the way. I am getting along very well with my sister now because I have shouldered responsibility for myself. But I think what really happened was that my Swami sent my beautiful nephew and his wife here to build me up, remind me of the ‘reality’ and just give me so much acceptance. The humiliation and despair have disappeared. Besides I’ve always worshipped my sister and for good reason. She has only been trying to help me to grow. Did I tell you what I read on Astro.com about our relationship? It said, “ Just being together broadens your material and spiritual horizons. You have a powerful awakening affect on the emotions of each other which may not be altogether comfortable or peaceful. The transformative potential of your relationship may be greater than either of you realize.”

I don’t think my sister realized that I was in a state of shock when I came home. I was fearful and really felt lost. Now with love and warth, AC and TV, a microwave and this blog, I have rejoined the world and this family.

The bad part is that I can’t meditate at all because all I can think about is food and clothes. For 30 years I wore sarees and ate in the canteen which made my thoughts very peaceful ….well most of the time anyway. Sorry, I have to go now as it is time for Oprah Winfrey

Dear Graduates and Fellow Immigrants.

Listed below are the new regulations from India and they have stuck to their guns so far. We foreign immigrants on a tourist visa must stay out of country…India…for two months before returning on another tourist visa. This prolonged absence is not applicable if we can somehow obtain an entry visa the way Margo did in Cambodia, they say. She’s not owning up to the story. Or we can continue the six months six months schedule as personified by Rachel whose e-mail is also below. And that is pretty much what I am doing also. This necessitates re-entry into difficult family situations like the one I’ve been talking about. I think I knew all along that some healing had to take place and it has. Rather than give my asthmatic sister my chronic virus cum bacterial infection I said I would pretty much stay in the apartment clearing the way for my VIP nephew and family. I’ve been busy writing anyway.

Govt climbs down a notch on two-month visa cooling off Thu, Dec 24 06:24 AM The government has softened its newfound toughness on visa rules. The Ministry of Home Affairs (MHA), which controls India's visa policy, has communicated to the Ministry of External Affairs (MEA) that foreign visitors may be allowed to return within two months of leaving the country — as long as they make a "full disclosure" of their travel plans to the immigration officer while on their way out. In the aftermath of the Headley-Rana case, the MHA had wanted all foreign nationals with multiple-entry long-term (usually 5-10 years) tourist visas to re-enter only after the passage of a two-month "cooling off" period. The move had sparked fierce protests by several countries, including the US and UK. The British High Commission and US Embassy raised the issue with the government, and yesterday, British Trade Secretary Peter Mandelson took it up with Home minister P Chidambaram. Top sources told The Indian Express that MHA officials have now told the MEA that tourists can simply show their confirmed tickets and other travel details to Immigration, so that the officer doesn't stamp their visas barring re-entry for two months. The MHA's logic, as conveyed to the MEA, is that genuine tourists will not have problems in sharing their travel details. The two-month rule had provoked the US Embassy to put up a "warden information" for all US passport holders, saying the mission had received reports about "inconsistent implementation of the new (visa) rules, which have not been widely publicized and are subject to change". It then cited several examples of the inconvenience US citizens suffered as a result of the new rule. A British High Commission spokesperson said today, "The Indian government has every right to give or deny entry to any person they wish to. India has every right to stop prospective terrorists, but such rules should not have unintended consequences and should not adversely affect genuine tourists." And now for the e-mail on Sri Lanka which will be invaluable to many of us. Exile out of India for 2 months – Sri Lanka Some thoughts in retrospect – Raychel Ciemma Part of the challenge leaving in January was the confusion around the possibility of returning to India in a few days and not knowing quite how to plan for staying away, possibly for 2 months or just 2 days. A plane ticket for 2 days and a small suitcase or plane ticket for 2 months and a large suitcase! However, now it appears that India has refined and solidified its rules, and so staying out for the 2 months is pretty much an assured item. So, being optimistic, we bought a ticket for a couple of days, which later we couldn’t use the return part and had to repurchase another ticket – some wasted money there. We stayed in a hotel, rather than getting an apartment, because there was always the carrot dangling there, that we would be able to return sooner, rather than later. Getting an apartment is committing a certain length of time to the renter – didn’t want to do that. To do it again or to plan for next time – that is if one can plan for anything! If I am choosing to go to Sri Lanka, I would purchase a ticket for 2 months and stay in the Silver Sands Hotel in Negombo (which is 20 minutes from the airport) for a few days only. If you haven’t stayed in SSH – it has a very nice friendly atmosphere and is reasonably priced. If you stayed in the hotel for a month, it would cost you $360.00/month bottom price without food. With food – double that. Silver Sands Hotel, 229 Lewis Place, Negombo. Tel: 0094-31-2222880. silversands@sltnet.lk Negombo has a strip of hotels and guest houses running along the coast with a wide range of prices. Doing it cheaper - stay in the hotel for a few days to give enough time to find an apartment to rent. I looked on the Internet for apartments for rent in Negombo/Colombo area. Two bedroom apartments were going for 10,000 r ($100.00) to 25,000r ($250.00) per month and up. For a studio apartment you would be able to get it cheaper. Buying food in the local markets will considerably reduce the food costs. Sri Lankan pineapples and their King coconuts are wonderful. Travel is very cheap in Sri Lanka if you go by bus or train. It is best to get on the bus at the beginning of the trip so that you get a seat and don’t have to stand. Ask for an air conditioned bus. What’s not cheap, generally, is accommodation and restaurant food. This info is just the basics – a jump off point. Sri Lanka is a beautiful place to go. There are lots of places to visit and enjoy. The people are friendly. Do get a copy of the Lonely Planet for Sri Lanka, which is a huge resource of places to go and stay. I bought a copy in Negombo at the Vijitha Yapa Bookstore for $29.00 (2900r) – well worth the price. That deal on the studio apartments makes it way cheaper than flying to the USA every six months. >There is one more piece of information I would like to pass along to you coming and going people. The subject is Medicaid and Medicare. Many of us have pensions which have allowed us to live in luxury in India but now, here in the States or even Europe, we are paupers. Fortunately the government agrees that we are now very poor and they are willing to give us money and health care. We only have to apply which I have done. Within ten days I received a reply asking for a copy of birth certificate, proof of Floridian residency and identification. My sweet sister was the driving force behind my application. “Susie we are going to get you new teeth and clear up your sinuses.” She offered me a bowl of raisins with one hand and words of criticism with the other. I took both. It has been 30 years since anyone offered me raisins and I have decided that she is right, I should be more independent. I have taken care of myself for the past 30 years but maybe not so well. Besides raisins are a family tradition.. Daddy use to give his students raisins.

I am including this up front for all of us who are not use to flying and are a little bit nervous even though of course we know He is holding up the plane.

Prayer For Protection From Unity Church

The light of God surrounds me

The love of God enfolds me

The power of God protects me

The presence of God watches over me

Wherever I am, God is

This is Swami’s airplane. As God’s law of order keeps the stars in their courses, and the sun and the moon in their paths, so it guides and directs the pilot and crew of this plane. The presence of Swami fills each person on board with a spirit of peace. I rest secure in God’s protecting presence, and all is well

Independence

Dearest Sai Graduates, You know who you are!

Things went from bad to worse in the old family homestead as my elderly sister seemed to zero in on this younger elderly person. I wonder how many of you are also going through these re-entry traumas making you doubt your own worth. In India we had the protection of the greatest power who ever walked on this earth but where was He now?

I was tip-toeing around the house trying so hard to be loving and kind. I wondered if I should just lock myself up in the apartment now and stay until this Air Force man and his VIP family would leave. I consulted with the Lord

“Don’t you think that might hurt your sister’s feelings if you closed the door?” my inner Swami asked?

“Yes, I guess so, Swami.”

“And do you think I sent you to Florida to hurt her feelings?”

“No Swami, I know how much you love my sister.”

“Why did I send you here, do you know?”

“Because I had to leave the country and this was a safe place.”

“You think that’s why I sent you here?”

“No Swami, I also came because I love my sister very much and she is 85 and living all alone in this big old dark house.”

“But haven’t I said all along that I’m taking care of her?”

“Yes Swami but you know what a fraidy cat I am. I would never feel safe living here alone.”

“Your sister surrounds herself with white light. She has more faith than you have.”

“She is very independent and strong. I am not and never have been.”

“I know you better than you know yourself. Susan, you do love all and serve all most of the time. Florida is not an exception.”

“I know Swami, I’m trying.”

“Don’t try, do.”

“I knew that was coming.”

“What?”

“Nothing, Swami.”

(I made that part up)

Then we had another episode, about money.

I get 5oo a month on my pension and in India I feel like a millionaire or a crorepathi. I arrived with 200 dollars in my pocket and immediately offered to give all of it to my sister as I had no expenses. Even so I managed to spend 100 of it on stuff during the first week. Now I needed a mouse and speakers so I could do this blog. My sweet sister drove me to “Best Buys.”

“You think you should be driving at 85?” I asked

I got a look. She stayed in the car while I rushed in to get my stuff. I needed 10 more dollars for the speakers so I rushed out to borrow the money. She grumbled something but gave me the money,

I still had 500 in the USA Bank so I wrote out a check for 200 and asked her to cash it for me. When she returned from the bank she said, “ I want to talk to you.”

“It is time that you grew up. Susie. I will not keep your money. You must buy your own things and your own food and learn to cook.”

Had I ever asked her for a cent that I didn’t immediately repay?

“I never cook.” I said. I eat in the foreigner’s canteen in India. I eat mostly pasta and potatoes.”

“That is very bad for you. No wonder you have Diabetes.”

“I can’t chew because I don’t have teeth.”

“We’ll get you some. You can apply for Medicare.”

“I’m 75 years old.”

“You must be more independent.”

That night I cornered Swami just before I turned off the light.

“Do you want me to be more independent?”

Silence, (I usually get a tingle if the answer is yes.)

“Will you help me to learn to be more independent?”

Silence

I was puzzled because we had hashed over this independence issue before.

“Swami, do you care if I’m independent?”

“I care more about your realizing that you are one with your sister. You are the same, the same Atma, soul. You are not the doer, God is.”

“Yes Swami.”

“Why are you bothered by her criticism when you are the same? She’s only correcting herself.”

It was now that another one of her sons came into the picture. This son and his wife are into “Course in Miracles” which is a western Christian interpretation of Vedanta.

Things improved 1000 percent. We all went to an International Ball, I didn’t dance of course and my nephew and wife and I went to the Unity Church on Sunday. Besides she was a great cook!

Then it hit the fan one more time.

“Susan,” she said, giving me a bowl of raisins for the oatmeal. “ You must become more independent and grow up. I will help you.”

My new Sai Graduate self stood her ground.

“Now you listen to me.” I said. “I am 75 years old and have lived away from home for nearly 30 years. I may have sort of a child like personality but that’s me. Its who I am. I have always taken care of myself.”

“Sounds like the whole ashram was taking care of you, the sweeper, your maid etc.”

“That’s not true and they need the work to support their families. This is the kind of criticism I grew up with from Mama and it drove me to India. She is no longer here but I can see that you feel you must continue with her harangues. But I will not take this from you or anyone else. I will go back to India as soon as possible, like on July 15^th. That’s 75 days, I hope we can make it.

“Oh Susie, you never listen to me!”

Well I’ve worshipped my sister all my life. I knew that she was only trying to help. Being 10 years older she was like a mother to me when I was young but I had been on my own for 30 years and my sister was treating me like I was an idiot, without any respect

Better do it yourself

(Web footed friends)

R00/SN E/#96

AE

Oh, it’s better to do it yourself

Then to try to count on another

For if it never gets done

You can blame yourself

And no other

But then, if it is, done right

God’s the doer.

Song It’s better to do it yourself