SWAMI'S SAI IDOLS

You all will have to bare with me as I just stumbled out of bed after a nice long sleep. It's seven a.m. And I usually write these things when it's still dark out. I haven't even done my prayers yet but this blog has been marching around in my head...actually since The Truth began to hit me while watching American Idol last night. I began feeling these little spurts of joy and a feeling of peace and contentment permeated the mind. It had nothing to do with American Idol...except that I do love these last three guys. Week after week we watch them go through this horrendous process as their peers drop out and they carry on. But still my own procession towards becoming an Idol has very little to do with that except that like them, I am eliminating attributes one after another..

I am not depressed. From time to time I glance around the inner landscape to see if I am and I'm not. My ribs feel as if they might be cracked...like my mind, my Drama Class and my Singing Chorus are drying up because it's summer and all the 'Snowbirds' fly out....but I'm NOT DEPRESSED. I AM HIS HAND MADE WOODEN PUPPET WAITING FOR MY NEXT ASSIGNMENT.

Depression has become 'all the rage' these days. Every time you see a doctor he will ask..are you depressed? The nurses...even the office nurses will get that sympathetic look in their eyes as they murmur...depressed? Are you depressed? So when you've had a whole lifetime of depression naturally you latch on to those sad feelings...'yeah, I guess I am', you admit....but it's A LIE...A DAMN LIE THAT THE EGO IS PUTTING OUT TO ROPE YOU IN.

Ok maybe little Susie is depressed but SHE'S DEAD. SHE WAS ONLY A FIGMENT OF MY IMAGINATION AND DOESN'T EXIST. You know for ages I have felt like...I wasn't a human being anyway. I've said it to a few people and they look startled and..in that same sympathetic voice nurses use...then who are you? I don't know...I always replied...Yeah right...neti neti..it's only neti neti, I don't know who I am, I only know who I'm NOT. I am not this little depressed Susie who is depressed because she's gotta die pretty soon, because her rib is cracked like her head, because the house is messy and she has to clean it, because the cockroaches have had a party in the kitchen last night...but she's NOBODY. SUSIE IS NOBODY.

I HAVE NO ATTRIBUTES ..I was a human being growing up so I know what a human being is. When I hit 40 my best friend died of cancer, I stopped being a social worker...losing that label...gave away the cars, moved out of the house, losing that 'home owner' label or attribute, gave my little dog to my sister, and left for India. Swami gave me refuge, thank God. Another 30 years passed during which I (He) created a different puppet with a different script for a different 'idol' with a whole set of new attributes...spiritual attributes, which I needed to develop...devotion, self control, patience, gratitude, an appreciation for the sacred. I was a different person all together with a different script but...I still felt deep inside, as if I really weren't a human being. Real human beings had husbands, children, grandchildren, houses, money but I had nothing. I was nothing but I pretended that I was a person, a human being. I was Susan Caffery, I WROTE BOOKS, I WAS GIVEN A FLAT IN ROUND HOUSE THREE, I SANG BHAJAN, I WAS MORE INDIAN THAN MOST INDIANS.

Then the Indian government (Swami) said...'sorry, no more long term visas, Miss Susan Caffery, you have to leave the country!' WHO, ME? How can you treat Susan Caffery like this? Don't you know who I am? I wrote all those books! The still small voice inside answered, 'No, do you know who you are?'

Stumbled into my poor old 86 year old asthmatic sister's house with TB and crippling arthritis, and a couple more bacterial diseases picked up on my travels and thought...'well, thank god I still have a family even after I denied having one for 30+ years because I was a sanyasi...But that didn't work out because the human being I thought I was after 30+ years of hard work praying 6-8 hours a day...wasn't welcome. I sort of elbowed my way into my sister's 'safe house' and was made to feel that it wasn't my safe house at all. So I stumbled out again. Very sick with disease and despair I found a small apartment and made it my nest. Didn't have much money, no car, no friends, no family, nothing...except a wonderful feeling that...at last after 75 years I was really independent...I was 'free floating'.

Little Susie stared a singing career, she started this blog, she began Drama classes, she became a 'singing star' at the senior center, she began a huge facebook for what she called 'Sai Graduates' for ladies, like herself sort of stuck between the East and the West who loved Swami and were trying to practice His teachings. But she still was depressed.

Why was she depressed? She was depressed because SHE CONTINUED TO FALSLY BELIEVE SHE WAS A HUMAN BEING TRYING TO GRATIFY THIS DAMNED EGO, TO BE A SUCESS, TO BE A SOMEBODY. AND I'M HERE TO TELL YOU THAT IT DOESN'T WORK BECAUSE IT'S A LIE, IT'S ALL A LIE, IT ISN'T TRUE. IT'S IMAGINATION!~

We talk bout Vedanta, about the absolute. We know the truth intellectually, we know in our heads that we aren't this person we've thought we were all these years. I have heard Swami say, so many times..'this is not my real form'...well of course HE wasn't only that form in the golden dress. HE IS OMNIPRESENT, OMIPOTANT, OMNISCIENT. HE IS GLORIOUS, HE is the GLAXIES, HE IS THE BEGINNING, THE END AND ALL BETWEEN AND YET WE SEEM DETERMINED TO KEEP HIM IN THAT LITTLE BOX. OH WE ALLOWED OUR OMNIPRESENT SAI TO SPRINKLE A LITTLE VIBHUTI ON PICTUES SOMETIMES AND TO MAKE SOMEONE WALK OR HEAL A CANCER BUT NOT MUCH MORE THAN THAT. We applauded His super human projects like the super hospitals and schools and water projects but mostly we loved Him because He was OUR SWAMI. I know I did. Well, He finally gave up, I think alittle disgusted, at our reluctance to see the glorious Kali Yuga Avatar as He really is....HE IS EVERYTHING! And now, we think He's going to come rushing back from His marble box and hold our hands again. He's going to say, 'There there, bangaru, I'll still be your mummy and daddy, you're not alone.'

That small form was not His form and this is not our true form either. Everything seen and seenless, is His form... He also use to say so often...'Sai Baba is not my name. All names are my names.' Well then, connecting the dots, my name isn't Susan Caffery either is it? And what about His attributes. He has only one attribute. He is the Divine almighty God, the creator of the three worlds, the light of all lights, love itself, the giver of life. I may not see these as my own attributes today but...maybe He's bringing me to that realization. In the meanwhile depressed Susie is dead and I face the present unafraid as I AM NOTHING AT ALL.

Do we still need a 'mummy and daddy?' Aren't we the divine absolute too? He said that every single day we should say...I AM GOD, I AM NOT DIFFERENT FROM GOD. I AM THE OMNIPRSENT GOD. THE SUPREME ABSOLUTE. I AM SATCHITANANDA, I AM KNOWLEDGE AWARENESS AND BLISS, GRIEF AND ANXIETY (and depression) CAN NEVER COME NEAR ME. I AM EVER CONTENT, FEAR CANNOT COME INTO ME.

If He told us to say these very words every single day..who's saying them? I know a group in Miami who can manage to say...We are God etc etc, but not I am God. Sort of takes the pressure off to really BE god maybe. Long ago I gave a song to Al Drucker with these words and he liked it and added another verse about being Truth and joy and all that too...but even though Swami said we must say these words every day or sing them...who is? And even if they are reciting these words, who is believing what they're saying. Maybe more than we know, maybe a whole bunch of Sai Devotees are marching along letting false attributes fall to the ground, burning scripts behind them on their way to becoming Swami's Sai Idols. I see myself now at this point as a little hand made wooden puppet without costume, with out features, with no script , with no name, ready to be thrown into the fire of consciousness. But Swami, that's just this morning, isn't it. I guess I'd better have my oatmeal and do my prayers anyway now while I wait for further instructions.

Singing Tour

Something told me not to write this blog this morning because it might stir up some...negativity...but...

I had a little free time yesterday and so naturally my active mind started up. Well, if He speaks through us and loves through us and all that, why can't we believe that He plans and creates through us too. And what about 'ego' you ask? I think I heard that question from the back of the room. Yes well, He's everything, right? He's ego and He's our obsessive planning but maybe we try to take the plan away from Him and run off down the street. But, it's all Him. Who's the 'only doer?' 'He's the only doer. Who makes mistakes?' Ummm, It gets confusing here.

Anyway...You're right I was planning this music group thing again.

I thought of maybe 6 or 7 ladies who have been in the Brindavan Overseas Bhajan Group and I'd name names except they would probably start shouting...'No no, we're not going to get involved with your projects anymore.' Most of them are pretty fed up with Susan Caffery's projects. Does that deter me? Well, I'm writing this blog aren't I?

I was thinking of using 'sound cloud 'but I can't seem to open the thing. It is a question of passwords and usernames and all that garbage. Well, maybe we could somehow conquer that and use it properly. I could choose 10 bhajans which I've recorded in English translation as well as Sanskrit and then 'they' could sing with my recording and record it again together...then the third nameless person could re-record it etc. until all 6 or seven ladies had finished it and then...we could practice it again and again that way..as we did in Whitefield...until it sounded perfect. What do you all think.? It wouldn't take much time to do this either. Or we could use skype or we could make utubes of us practicing even somebody else's bhajans. OK, does anyone have any other ideas?

I thought we'd try to have two 'concerts...one on His birthday which maybe we could do at the Ebell theater and one on Mahasamadhi day which we could do...maybe in New York . I thought of going as a group to Prasanthi Nilayam for Mahasamadhi day but I'm not sure if any of these ladies would want to do this. So far I've asked for like a half hour practice a week and one week end in California...and another in New York...which is a lot to ask isn't it.

Did youall see that utube or maybe a Vimeco on the small group of really old foreign devotees who got together in California and had a group discussion about their experiences? Maybe ours could be a two hour concert.because we'd sing...well I haven't thought that out but...See, I thought we could do bhajan, maybe have a couple of chorus songs in parts, even maybe a solo or two especially if our dear Dana Gillespie would join..she did sing with us when we practiced in the Rajmata's garden, remember? And our precious Jackie spoke just last week at Ebell theater so maybe she could speak again or someone could. And we could have a group discussion the way those other ladies did. I think it would be inspiring. There I did this blog I wasn't sure about and I'll sendout a few copies and pray you don't strt shouting about how busy they are.

I woke up Laughing

You know, I've thought all along that I wasn't living up to His teachings here in the States. I mean, 30+ years of His teachings and all I do is bring a few smiles to the wrinkled faces around here by my sweet singing. It makes me happy to sing but...come on, there must be another purpose to life.

This morning I realized it, I connected the dots; it's the U U church! Let me explain a few things. The church service consists of, ringing the Tibetan brass bowl to, I guess, clear the atmosphere, then to mark the gathering of the community and to remind us of the divine spark within us all, a chalice is lit as a symbol of Unitarian Univeralism. Then there is the sermon, choir sings an anthem, an offering is taken and a few hymns are sung. After that they do what they call,' Candles of joy, sorrow and transition. either silently or with brief sharing, marking those joys or sorrows or transitions you are personally experiencing in your life at this time, in the spirit of communal prayer and support, you are invited to come forward and light a candle. The minister stands at the base of the alter with an 'open mic' and a line of people talk to the audience about whatever they feel strongly about. HAH!! Swami's teachings to a whole church full of pretty intelligent older people who are kind of activists in society. WHAT A CHANCE TO TELL THE WORLD OF HIS VALUES AND TEACHINGS.

I haven't done it yet, just thought of it this morning...which is why I rose from my bed...laughing. OK let me explain a couple of other things. When I first got back to the States I thought of making 'Sai Graduates' a radio program on U Stream. I am absolutely retarded when it comes to computer stuff but I did manage this blog thanks to my dear programmer in Chenai. But I was sort of planning an alternative Sai Center for westerners who like to do stuff in English. I thought there should be a study group also during which we could connect Swami's teachings with our daily lives here in the USA, you know, 'waiting in super market lines' and stuff like that. So I ordered Roof's books from the Tustin book store...'Pathways to God' and I even read some of the books and realized they were really great, expressing beautifully in English Swami's teachings..and then I put them aside so I could work on this blog and face book.!

This morning I realized that by reading even just a few paragraphs from those books into the UU mic, I was sending Swami's teachings right straight into the world...straight into the world without any secondary interpretation...except Roof who is very bright and I think he was the convenor or something of...Prasanthi Counsel or something, wasn't he? I'm not good with these worldly facts! Anyway I trust him and I believe Swami blessed him and these books.

OK in the third place, President Obama just yesterday said that he personally accepted the idea of same sex marriage. This is a major game changer and opens the issue of personal morality in our society. I think same sex marriage is wonderful but that gays must uphold traditional values of fidelity and loyalty in their unions. So I looked up 'morality' in Roof's book and found my first sermon.

Roof says, 'The means to cultivate moral strength is selfless love. When we recognize that the same divinity resides in others as resides in ourselves we refrain from selfish action. By expanding our vision o encompass all (within the Atma) we are unable to hurt others. Love is the basis for the preservation and growth of society.

Swami concludes by saying...'Morality has to be grown in the heart by feeding it with love; then only can we have justice, security, law and order. If love declines among people, nations will weaken and mankind will perish.'

So you see, I will be reading His teachings to a church full of elitists, intellectuals, not to the already converted like at Prasanthi Nilayam . Who knows where this might lead! Maybe every Sunday I will be able to lend a voice to Swami's words, in fact...maybe we can all do this work! There are UU churches all over the country. Do each use this ritual? Are there open mics in each church just waiting for Swami's words to teach the American public?! My Gosh, He asked those MRI's those thousands of Indian Americans, 'Where are the Americans?' not a year before He left His 'bony cage' Could it be that this will bring the intelligent Americans to listen to Swami's values? Ok, I can feel myself climbing higher and higher on my bi-polar pole but...just maybe WE CAN CONVERT THE WORLD TO HIS VALUES AND ACTUALY DO SOME GOOD.

So take the phone book and look up, Unitarian Universalist churches and INFILTRATE THEM. Take the mic, Children of Sathya Sai, tell the world about the teachings of Sri Sathya Sai Baba...we can do this because..WE ARE THE SAME AS SAI...WE ARE GOD, SATCHITANANDA!!!!!

I'll be alright after I have another cup of coffee.

Singing Tour

Something told me not to write this blog this morning because it might stir up some...negativity...but...

I had a little free time yesterday and so naturally my active mind started up. Well, if He speaks through us and loves through us and all that, why can't we believe that He plans and creates through us too. And what about 'ego' you ask? I think I heard that question from the back of the room. Yes well, He's everything, right? He's ego and He's our obsessive planning but maybe we try to take the plan away from Him and run off down the street. But, it's all Him. Who's the 'only doer?' 'He's the only doer. Who makes mistakes?' Ummm, It gets confusing here.

Anyway...You're right I was planning this music group thing again.

I thought of maybe 6 or 7 ladies who have been in the Brindavan Overseas Bhajan Group and I'd name names except they would probably start shouting...'No no, we're not going to get involved with your projects anymore.' Most of them are pretty fed up with Susan Caffery's projects. Does that deter me? Well, I'm writing this blog aren't I?

I was thinking of using 'sound cloud 'but I can't seem to open the thing. It is a question of passwords and usernames and all that garbage. Well, maybe we could somehow conquer that and use it properly. I could choose 10 bhajans which I've recorded in English translation as well as Sanskrit and then 'they' could sing with my recording and record it again together...then the third nameless person could re-record it etc. until all 6 or seven ladies had finished it and then...we could practice it again and again that way..as we did in Whitefield...until it sounded perfect. What do you all think.? It wouldn't take much time to do this either. Or we could use skype or we could make utubes of us practicing even somebody else's bhajans. OK, does anyone have any other ideas?

I thought we'd try to have two 'concerts...one on His birthday which maybe we could do at the Ebell theater and one on Mahasamadhi day which we could do...maybe in New York . I thought of going as a group to Prasanthi Nilayam for Mahasamadhi day but I'm not sure if any of these ladies would want to do this. So far I've asked for like a half hour practice a week and one week end in California...and another in New York...which is a lot to ask isn't it.

Did youall see that utube or maybe a Vimeco on the small group of really old foreign devotees who got together in California and had a group discussion about their experiences? Maybe ours could be a two hour concert.because we'd sing...well I haven't thought that out but...See, I thought we could do bhajan, maybe have a couple of chorus songs in parts, even maybe a solo or two especially if our dear Dana Gillespie would join..she did sing with us when we practiced in the Rajmata's garden, remember? And our precious Jackie spoke just last week at Ebell theater so maybe she could speak again or someone could. And we could have a group discussion the way those other ladies did. I think it would be inspiring. There I did this blog I wasn't sure about and I'll sendout a few copies and pray you don't start shouting about how busy they are.

LOVE

Swami says: Love is God, where Love is, God is, love more and more people, love them more intensely, transform that love into service, transform the service into worship, That is the highest spirituality.

What do Unitarian Universalists believe? They believe 'in the motive force of love. The governing principle in human relationships is the principle of love, which always seeks the welfare of others and never seeks to hurt or destroy.'

There are ten principles listed on their card. Another principle is, 'We believe in the worth and dignity of each human being. All people on earth have an equal claim to life, liberty and justice...and no idea or philosophy is superior to a single human life.'

I can't give a direct quote but I remember Swami talking about the value of a human being and how it surpasses everything else in the world.

The U.U.'s believe in the ethical application of religion. They say, 'Good works are the natural product of a good faith, the evidence of an inner grace that finds completion in social and community involvement.'

This is their CHURCH COVRNANT:

Let us join hearts and minds in saying together our covenant, Our promise to one another in community. LOVE IS THE SPIRIT OF THIS CHURCH AND SERVICE ITS LAW. THIS IS OUR GREAT COVENANT: TO DWELL TOGETHER IN PEACE, TO SEEK THE TRUTH IN LOVE, AND TO HELP ONE ANOTHER.

I have found in their Sunday program and on the card given to me, words and ideas expressed by Swami. Every word every song is from Swami. I ask myself...were they here before I flew off to India in 1974 for the first time? Why didn't I see it. This same church was here, standing by the lake but I didn't see it because Swami was waiting for me to give me His grace. In order for the transformation to take place, and it has, I had to spend over 30 years praying at His feet. Too much karma, too many vasanas, too many wrong ideas which could only be corrected by meditation and prayer...corrected by the tremendous compassionate love of the 'Living God'.

I had heard all these terrible things about church goers. They were selfish, they loved money, they were prejudiced, they thought non believers would burn in hell forever. I suppose some church goers are like that...but not the U U's. UU's are like Swami, loving and broadminded, tolerant like Swami and compassionate like Swami. In fact, it's obvious that this is Swami's church. But even though this church was here in '74 with it's love and spiritual awareness, I needed the LivingGod. He says that when good men are afraid, He returns to earth as a human so that people can identify with Him and become transformed. I know from experience that this is true. I am truly sorry that those who come now won't have the opportunity of having Darsan of the 'Living God' but I know He will transform them also because He is the Lord incarnate.